


By the Dreadwolf

by djs_Etain254



Series: Sulahn'nehn, numin la lath [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canon Related, Drinking, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feels, Fighting, POV First Person, Slow Burn, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-03-21 17:45:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 43,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3701141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/djs_Etain254/pseuds/djs_Etain254
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Etain and Ellana from clan Lavellan go to the conclave for Information but it doesn't work out as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It changed everything...

„My name is Etain where can I - “ There was a flash of green and an earth rattling explosion. Air got knocked out of my lungs and I ducked behind a barrel. The little Elf I was talking to had been swept right off her feet, and looked at me in plain terror. “What...what just happened?!” She whispered shakily. The stench of burned flesh started to spread. I blinked at her, mind racing – the temple, the conclave – oh fenedhis – Ellana was in there. Stomach dropping, eyes stinging from tears and smoke I scanned the area. People were starting to panic, screams and shouts rising from the crowd. The few soldiers struggling to calm the frightened mob. I jogged past the little cabins along the way that led to the temple. I didn't bother to try and get my hart, he would be too scared to go and I was already struggling to push through on foot.  
At the bridge I made my way through the bustling crowd to the gate. I was trembling, she can't be dead, I said to myself. Not Ellana, not her. “No trespassing for civilians” said a stern voice pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked at him a mix of terror and anger, no way I'm going to stay here Ser Stick-in-my-ass. “I need to go, I need to know what happened - “ I couldn't say anything else, the blonde man grabbing me by the arm pulled me to the side and said: “I know, but I can't let anyone go until we know what happened – you have weapons, help the soldiers. Keep the crowd under control!” He shouted the latter to the soldiers, just as he himself slipped through the heavy wooden door. What an idiot, he could have taken me with him - “shems”- I cursed under my breath. The air was filled with screams, sobs and shouts, people were pushing toward the gate. I needed to pull myself together I couldn't help anybody if I got trampeled by the crowd. Eyes wandering over the flock of people, taking a breath I joined the other soldiers infront of the gate. My mind was spinning, thoughts wondering off to the destruction and a picture of Ellanas' dead, twisted body forming in my imagination. I felt sick, this can't be happening. We were supposed to bring news from the conclave to the clan, an explosion was definitely not what we had expected. I followed the mortified gazes up to the sky and gasped, I hadn't yet noticed what had formed itself there. A gigantic green maelstrom, writhing within, as surreal as any nightmare. Dreadwolf have mercy, help me through this, I prayed bile rising in my throat. Trembling legs gave away and I slumped on the ground. Thick tears blurring my sight and lips forming a muted scream.


	2. A plan forming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Etain looking for a way to free Ellana, running into Cullen and Solas being helpful and some feels incoming.

The hours went by people scattered and busying themselves to keep their eyes from wandering up to this thing in the sky. Without having anything left to do my thoughts kept wandering off, so many questions unasked and unanswered. The gate was still locked, no getting in or out. The panic over the fate of my dear friend started clawing its' way up again. I found myself standing in front of the stables breathing heavily. Nehn tapered on the ground nervously. “Shshsh da'assan, lovely Nehn, I'm here, everything fine now.” I said in a soothing voice, trying to calm both me and the hart. He started to relax a little at the sound of my voice and nuzzled the crook of my neck. Slightly nudging him away I pressed my face into the harts soft warm fur. It helped to clear my mind, Nehns presence always grounded me.  
I stood there for a while, humming an old tune when a little group hurried past. Two soldiers were busy carrying a limp body, while two women hovered at their heels discussing something about the explosion and a girl that had somehow survived. An elf was following a few steps behind. They seemed to be coming from the site of the explosion, clothes ripped and blackened with dirt. I wanted to approach and learn what was going on when something slipped from the body. It was Ellanas tome, I had it made for her collection of spells and recipes. I fetched the book and set off after the little procession. “Wait! Ellana? Fenehdis what's happening?” These cursed shemlen didn't even bother to turn around. My throat clenched, fear clawing its' way up again. Without thinking I pulled the bow off my back. My best friend in their grasp, I had to get her out of there, somehow. Dreadwolf take you all - I thought with grinding teeth. I placed my arrow on the bow, but slender fingers closed themselves around mine. I wound my hand so I could get my dagger, but damn that guy was quick. I was unarmed in seconds so I turned around fuming.  
The bald Elf I had seen before was standing right behind me, still holding my hand firmly and claiming my other arm too. I jerked thinking of the blade in my boot but I couldn't move. I glared at him, his face stern, sorrow in his eyes. “By the Dreadwolf, I will rip your throat if you won't let me go” I hissed, eyes narrowing. “Calm yourself. Hurting anyone or yourself will only lead you to captivity and further the suspicion.” What was he talking about? Ellana was a suspect? In what crime? The Explosion? No way the shems would blame us for that aswell. He must have seen the confusion in my face because he cleared his throat and answered. “You may call me Solas. I know little of this incident, but be free to join me and I would gladly answer as much questions as I can.” I relaxed a little and so did he. Placing my dagger back in the sheath at the small of my back, his fingers brushied lightly against the left out parts in my leather armour. I shivered and snatched my arrow from his grasp to shove it back into my quiver. He looked at me with a strange expression. “Etain. Andaran atish'an” I grumbled. He didn't say anything else, just walked into the village. I scooped Ellanas tome from the gound and started trotting after Solas. Getting a little uneasy from the looks some villagers gave me I was glad we reached the cabin soon. Still the short trek felt like hours. Hours of humans spitting at my feet looking at me with plain hatred. What had actually happened at the temple? Stepping inside I shut the door quickly, Solas already in a chair liting up the fireplace with a flick of his hand.  
“What's all this about? What are they doing with Ellana? What's happening here? Oh creators – Ellana didn't do bloodmagic right? No she's a good person, she wouldn't do things like - “ He raised a hand in a calming way, worry in his face. “Do you know why they dragged Ellana away?” I blurted, he furrowed his brows and exhaled slowly. “Take a seat if you may”, he said gesturing to the second chair. I did, watching his face while he explained that Ellana was the only survivor of the explosion and with that a major suspect. So that was probably the reason the people reacted so strangely. So they did blame the knife-ears again. “All I can do is wait and pray so Ellanas innocence is cofirmed and the shemlen set her free?” I let my head drop into my hands, I was devastated. What if they didn't believe her? What if they didn't care and just needed someone to blame? What should I do without her? Ellana had helped raising me after my mother was killed and we had grown close after all those years. The thick silence was slowly starting to suffocate me. It was all to much I needed air to settle my thoughts. I excused myself and the bald elf just nodded while I took my leave, worry still showing in his features.  
I wandered off into the village, the sun had begun to set and the bustling crowds had retrieved indoors. There was no sign of Ellana. If they held her captive I had to find a way to release her so we could flee. Some shemlen soldiers wouldn't stop me.  
Half way through that thought an idea occurred to me. There had to be a way to get into the ranks of recruits, if I managed that I might be able to get into the dungeons. With that plan growing in my head I went towards the front gate where I had seen a camp for the troops.  
Stepping outside the fortifications I ran straight into a plated chest. Ouch! I looked up and recognized the man as the blonde knight I had met earlier on the bridge. He coughed and staggered backward a little, blush creeping from his neck up to his ears. I rolled my eyes annoyed by this crazy shem behaviour: the one staring at you full of hatred the other not seeing you at all – fenehdis. “Forgive me mylady, I was in thought. Cullen Rutherford at your service.”, he firmly spluttered, reaching to the back of his neck with his hand. “No damage taken ser.” I looked at him thoughtful. “You wouldn't happen to know of someone I could talk to if I wanted to join the soldiers?” - “Oh..ehm...maybe the tavern would be better suited if you -” I glared at him. “In all due respect ser but I am no barmaid and no cook or whatever you are suggesting!” The moment I said that the mans' face went bright pink and his eyebrows shot up. “I .. I … agh sorry the troops right.” He was stepping from one foot to another just like my hart when nervous. “My weapon of choice is the bow. I was a hunter in my clan.” He gave me a measuring glance, eyes lingering on the weapons I was carrying. “Meet me at the training grounds at dawn, we will figure something out.” He said with a slight nod, excused himself an vanished through the gate behind me. That was easy I thought, smiling slightly to myself  
Now that that was taken care of I ventured to a little shrine I had seen when first arriving at Haven. Some peace would do me good, to figure out how to carry on.  
It was dark already, only the moon and the sickly green of this abomination in the sky lighting the little clearing. The withered stone statue of Fen'harel in front of me looking otherworldly in the ghostly light. I placed myself at its' paws leaning against its' huge chest. One hand touching the rough stone, the other clutching the little wolf pendant around my neck. I was tired and scared. Now alone my thoughts started wandering again. “Oh Fen'harel guide me. If you truly are the god of tricksters help to free Ellana.” Thick tears started rolling down my bare cheeks and I shut my eyes in silent prayer. I sat listening to the soft rustle of leaves and sighs of the wind. A twig cracked, someone was approaching and somewhere in the distance I heard the howl of a wolf loud and full of sorrow. I opened my eyes, to search for the person that had entered the clearing and interrupted my solitude. A bald elf was standing there watching me curiously. It was Solas.  
“The Dreadwolf? Hm a rather interesting choice I dare say”, he stated. My gaze lingering on him he turned slowly stepping toward the statue. A twist of his hand lit a basin with strange looking green fire. The light casting dancing shadows around the clearing, the darkness of the forest seemed like a solid wall. I couldn't pull myself together any longer. I let my head fall back and my tears started streaming again, filling the clearing with my sobs. Solas didn't say anything, he respected my grief, my confusion and my fear. Placing himself next to me he started singing the same tune I had sung to my hart. It reminded me of my keeper singing it to frightened children. It reminded me of a time when my clan didn't condemn me of the beliefs I had chosen for myself. It reminded me of a time when facing death, loss and pain still lay in the future. I broke down, thinking of Ellana lying in a cell, lonely, cold and no way for me to reach her. Solas shuffled a little, lithe arms curling around my small frame and tracing soothing circles on my back. After a while when my sobs had long ebbed away and my tears had dried, I straightened myself. The other elf watching the sky thoughtful. “Ir abelas”, I whispered in a hoarse voice a little embarrassed. He gave me an understanding smile.  
“There is no need to be. I could offer you a spare bedroll unless you prefer in staying out here.” I blinked at him, slightly surprised but scurried after him.  
After arriving at the hut, he gestured me to the bed and placed the bedroll next to the fireplace. I hung my bow and quiver over a hook next to the door, where his mage staff was already propped against the wall. Slipping out of my heavy leather boots I let my daggers and my belt drop on the table. I started unbuckling my dark leather cuirass,cold fingers fumbling with the buckles. I was wasted and cursed under my breath already warming up to the thought sleeping with the blighted thing still on. The mage must have noticed my struggle with the fastenings, closed the space between us swiftly and started to help me to shift out of the leathers. He now was mere inches away and I could feel the heat of his body radiating off him. Finally free of the hard leather I stretched my back and let my joints crack, brushing Solas' chest slightly with my shoulder. Not bothering to give the other elf another glance I made my way into the bed and fell into a deep dreamless sleep in an instant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Da'assan: little arrow  
> Nehn: joy  
> Fenedhis: the cursing again :P  
> Andaran atish'an: formal greeting (enter this place in peace)  
> Fen'harel: trickster God / Dreadwolf (for more info see Dragon Age Wiki)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it so far argh nevermind I'll keep posting anyway I think hehehe


	3. Finding a job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Etain finds herself something to do, meets new people.

I woke with a start, it was still dark outside with dawn looming in behind the mountains. I blinked into the darkness of the cabin, the coals in the fireplace just fractioned remains of the blazing fire from the previous evening. My gaze lingered on the empty bedroll and I wondered where the bald elf might have gone to so early. While getting dressed and picking my blades off the table I found Solas had left me some bread, honey and a mug of milk. Greedily I slung the food down and gathered the rest of my things.   
Arriving at the training grounds a little early I went to the stables to greet my beloved hart. I was shivering slightly in the cold mountain air and the smithy seemed to have noticed. He grumbled something fereldan and pointed to a chest with scrap leather and some coats. I found myself a decent leather mantel and attempted to pay him but he just grunted and waved me off. Well what a nice start in the day, breakfast for free and a nice new coat, can only get worse I thought gloomily.   
I set back off to the training grounds and watched as the first tired recruits started shuffling to the empty space. “Good morning, shall we get started then?” Cullen hardly looked up from the clipboard some minion of his had given him. Another recruit addressed him as commander while approaching him. Commander? Oh well at least I know who was in charge now. I was a little embarrassed at snapping at him like that the previous day. Was I supposed to curtsy to him? “I didn't get your name yesterday, I'm sorry.” I introduced myself while shuffling over to a training puppet. “Well then Lady Lavellan let us see of your skills with the bow.” A few soldiers had gathered to watch me, while the rest was already training their fighting skills.   
I got in position while pulling my bow off my back. I took a deep breath and started peppering the ridiculous straw puppet with arrows. What a stupid way of training. How would one learn to hit a moving target? Watching my surroundings out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Cullen nodding in appreciation and some soldiers stopping their workout to watch me. My lips tugged into a smirk, stupid shemlen think I'm just good for bar tending huh? “Impressive, can you handle those daggers as well?” He asked nodding at the blades fastened to my belt. I pulled one dagger out of its' sheath and pinned it into the dummies head, with a few quick steps I regained my dagger and started working on the doll. “Very nice, Cooper work with her, Sanders get scout Harding. The rest go back to training, archers you can learn something from this lady.” And he rushed away without another word. The rest of the soldiers got back to their duty mumbling.  
Two figures stepped out of the rows of training soldiers. One rushing directly away the same direction the commander hat vanished and another coming to face me. Cooper was quite small for a human, with dark tanned skin and brown eyes. He greeted me smiling and let his gaze wander over my figure lingering at either my waist or the dagger I had returned in its' sheath. I wrinkled my nose but he gave me a wide toothy grin. “Let's have some fun? Daggers first. C'mon or you scared hm?” He winked and chuckled, I rolled my eyes but placed my bow on the side and took a stance, blades reflecting the pinks and greens of the awaking, wounded sky. We trained until the sun was highest, Cooper not saying another word just grunting from time to time when I managed another blow.   
When we where finished he grumbled something that sounded like “food” and that we would see each other the next day. Pleased with myself and pleasantly exhausted I gathered my bow and the coat I had stripped off before. While pulling it on, a durghen'len approached me, she looked a little like a child in armour, big green eyes, light red hair freckles, actually kind of cute. But judging from the multitude of knifes she had fastened around her belt and the nicely crafted bow on her back I revoked the thought. She introduced herself as scout Harding and explained what her little crew of scouts would be doing and what my duties looked like. So the commander had recommended me to the scouts I thought to myself. That wasn't the best position to get into the vaults but I would figure something out. After all the scouting was done in a few weeks time and in between the errands they would be in the village for some time to rest. There was no scouting job scheduled before soon so I had some free time to fill. Moving around the training ground, I approached the commander who had returned at some point. I asked him how I could make myself useful in between the missions and he posted me as a guard for the village. Not really a challenging task but still necessary. It was perfect, a lot of time to work out my plan of freeing Ellana and the authority on moving wherever I wanted, I thought at least. I was posted as a guard for the healer Adan whose hut I found was right next to Solas'. He was a rather nice man and as he was keeping his door open while working inside we talked for some time.   
He told me about the captive that had supposedly caused the explosion of the conclave. How she was a pretty little elf girl, blonde hair, grey eyes, faint markings like branches on her face. I knew he was talking about Ellana, but of course kept still about it, who knew what they would have done to me if anyone found out.   
From time to time he went to watch over her injuries and help Solas tending her wounds. She seemed to have received a strange green mark from the explosion. Nobody actually knew what it was but Solas supposed it had something to do with the rifts that were forming themselves in the landscape. My stomach turned when Adan told me that she was supposed to shut the breach as he called it and afterwards be judged in a trial. If she would be judged guilty it would be her death I thought, biting my lower lip, heart hammering. It was a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> durgen'len: children of the stone / dwarf


	4. Dawn will come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas the nice guy, poor Etain breaking down. Breach getting closed.

The next days continued uneventful, training until lunch, afternoons wandering about and watching the apothecarys' hut. Sleep didn't come well and I didn't talk much to anybody. I was too lost in worry about my friend. I tried to get into the dungeons one evening but there were two soldiers guarding it and Ellana still unconscious, it seemed hopeless. So I kept to my duties, shaking more every hour, dreading the moment she would awake for I had no idea how to help her. I didn't want to see my friend die. She was such a good person, pure heart, always caring and never angry. She was too good for this world and now she would die for it.  
It was afternoon already, sun hanging lazily in the sky for the last hours of the day. I stood on top of the stairs leading to the healers cabin, staring into the distance, when a slight disturbance started murmuring through the village. People called their friends and relatives out of the houses. I overheard some people gossiping about Ellana. The suspect was awake? Oh no. Soon after that the door of the chantry was slammed open. The dark haired woman I had seen a few days earlier stepped outside, dragging a figure behind her. The blonde elf, I recognized as Ellana, fell to her knees. I couldn't hear anything of their conversation and didn't see any more as curious humans started shoving their way in front of me to get a better look. Soon I was behind a thick wall of people. I pushed myself through the crowd and was I could only catch a glimpse of Ellanas terrified face while passing by. I wanted to shout, run after her, take her in my arms and comfort her as she had done so many times. I stepped down to the path the flock of people had formed, glancing after my friend, sight blurry and a knot forming in my throat. “No, wait” The attempted shout coming out as a croak. Ellana stumbled a little but the other woman urged her forward speeding the pace. I wanted to draw my bow, hopelessness taking over, but a hand stopped me. I didn't turn I just watched silently crying over Ellanas' fate, unnoticed by the humans standing around me. She's going to die I thought, one way or another. The whole village wanted to see her dead, only a miracle could help her now. Slowly the crowd moved into the little path and I was swallowed by it, Ellana nowhere to be seen.  
The hand still resting on my shoulder guided me into a hut to a chair. After a few moments it was gone, the door was closed and I was alone again. It had arrived, the dreaded day, Ellana awaking, injuries healed enough to get her to the breach. Now she would try and close it, afterwards a trial, if she actually survived until then. And if the shemlen thought she actually guilty....dead. How was she supposed to defend herself, how would anybody believe her if she was the only survivor? I couldn't breathe. I failed, I failed Ellana, my friend and I failed the clan. Keeper Deshanna would blame me for her death. The whole clan would blame me. I couldn't go back not without the keepers' first, the future of the clan. If I lost Ellana I would lose my clan - no matter how much they had distanced themselves from me - it still felt more like home than this place. I stared at the wooden wall of the cabin, time slowing, breath getting heavy. Guilt and despair formed themselves in a large black pit inside myself, frozen claws ripping my insides. I dug my fingernails into the wood of the chair until my hands started aching. I didn't care. I didn't notice that I was breathing heavily, ragged moans jarring my body until the familiar hand reappeared on my shoulder. My throat was sore and my fingers numb. A second hand started loosening my grip from the arms of the chair. I grabbed the wrist and clung to it tightly, eyes wide open, still fixated on the wall. There was no sound other than my strangled sobs and the soft breathing of the person next to me. A soft and warm tingling started fanning out from the hand on my shoulder, it worked its' way through my body, loosening the cramped muscles, easing my heavy breaths, soothing my every fibre of my body. Warmth and calmness started washing over me I relaxed and let go of the wrist I had been clutching so desperately. The hand now lingering on my back moved away and Solas stepped into view pulling a chair in front of me to sit. “Do you wish to talk?”, he asked in a low voice. Vaguely I shook my head but started talking nonetheless after a few moments pause. “She's going to die...I … I could have.... I failed them all.”, whispering I cast my eyes down. “She is not yet dead and I doubt they will kill her. Some humans even speak of her as the Herald of Andraste.” I looked at him in disbelief. Andraste? That's a shemlen goddess or something if I remembered that correctly. He looked at me, eyes searching, in fear of a another panicked outburst. I covered my mouth with a pale hand thoughts jumbling in my head putting all the parts in place. “Does that mean she managed to close the breach?” It wasn't closed yet he explained, but had stopped growing so the direct imminence was confined. I took a shaky breath and to his surprise I started laughing hysterically at the crazy turn of fate. The relief was incredible, all the guilt, pain and fear just washed away by Solas' words. They find a dalish elf, want to kill her and then she's a herald of some human god? This had to be a dream, maybe I was in the fade, I had to subdue the urge to pinch myself. With trembling fingers I wiped some tears off my cheek, sobering a little. “Where is she? Can I see her?” The mage nodded and told me should would probably be unconscious but led me out of the hut nevertheless. I rushed inside a dark little cabin, Solas closed the door behind me and stayed outside. I dropped myself to the ground next to the bed that had been placed at the wall. There she was, my precious Ellana, sleeping and looking so innocent. Strands of her short blond hair scattered wildly over her forehead covering parts of her mythal vallaslin. Her left hand was perked under her chin and glowing in an unsettling green light. I traced my fingers over the mark, crackling a little at the touch. The small mage was breathing softly and now the relief finally took over me. Smiling happily I got to my feet and pulled the blanket over her shoulders. Silently I closed the door behind me and spotted Solas standing a few feet away. I closed the distance between us and before he could prevent it I slung my arms around him still feeling giddy with happiness. The moment I broke the embrace, I turned, cheeks a little flushed and started sauntering back. The mage stood there for a few more minutes slightly overwhelmed when he had finally gathered himself he followed me. I passed the tavern on my way and decided to peek inside. After explaining Flissa the bartender that I wasn't a servant and proving I could pay her, she finally handed me two bottles of mead and I readopted my way to Solas' hut. The man was standing in front of it watching the remainders of the breach lost in thought, I pulled at the hem of his tunic to get his attention. He gazed at me a little startled, when I placed the two bottles in his hands and stepped through the door. I had already started adjusting some logs in the fire when Solas entered the cabin. He placed two tankards on the table and settled himself in a chair. Smiling slightly pleased with himself he poured the liquid into the jugs while I sat down on the other chair. “Ma serannas, for everything.” I said smiling. I was so glad and he had been so kind in helping me through the last days although I was a complete stranger . I thanked the Dreadwolf in silent prayer for saving my friend and endowing me a new one. Solas lips twitched as if to say something but instead pulled into a smirk, fingers fidgeting with the handle of his tankard. It was getting late and after I had emptied my jug I said good night and went to rest. Softly caressing the wolf pendant I sent another silent prayer to Fen'harel and fell asleep to the sound of crackling fire and Solas leaving the cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mythal: elven goddess of justice and motherhood  
> vallaslin: bloodwriting (elfy tattoos)  
> ma serannas: thank you  
> Fen'harel / Dreadwolf: trickster god (?)


	5. Barbaric dalish is barbaric! Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First few days with the scouts in the Hinterlands - yay - Herald woke up and Sol-ass being himself talking about dalish.

I had just overwhelmed Cooper in our training routine, grabbing him firmly by his chestplate , training dagger at his throat, when a mop of blonde hair rushed by and vanished out of my sight . I squealed and the soldier in my grasp dropped to the ground with a moan. He muttered something suggestive about me being on top but I didn't listen. I rushed to catch up, for I had heard rumour of the herald up and about but hadn't seen Ellana yet. Approaching her I prodded her shoulder from behind, the moment she turned I bowed ridiculously low. “M'lady Herald of Andraste, your highness...” She shushed me pulling me into an embrace gasping. “Oh makers I thought you were dead.” We murmured at the same time and giggled. It felt so good to talk to her again without fearing the consequences. The world nearly felt all right again, this ugly breach excluded that still needed to be sealed.  
This little adventure was nowhere near the end for both of us. Ellana had to stay to fix this mess and I of course wouldn't leave without her. Sitting at the side of the training grounds and watching the soldiers, she told me of what she were to do and I mocked her of her title. Lightly twaddling away like in times when the world was still in order. After a while we separated again, for I had to set off to the Hinterlands that day, to scout the area for her upcoming attempt in restoring order in said region.  
Soon we were on our way scout Harding along with some other soldiers of the Inquisition. That was what we were called now. The Inquisition, a bunch of heretics and pretenders, following the false herald of Andraste. In the eyes of the chantry we were no better than the rebels themselves.  
Cooper seemed to have joined the scouting party and I was rather happy to have a familiar blade at my side, even though his advances toward me were revolting. Reaching the Hinterlands we were welcomed with utter chaos. Not only did we collide more than once with some hyper aggressive bears but also it seemed the place was full of rebel mages and templars.  
We cleared out most of the wild animals and scoundrels in the area we arrived and set up our camp. It was safe enough to declare it as our starting point. Fanning out from there to scan the area for enemy bases and such was quite an easy task, all of them being skilled scouts and well trained in keeping to the shadows. After only a few days the maps of the Hinterlands were correctly adjusted, everything of interest being marked and noted for the following party of the herald.  
We were finished for the day Cooper presenting some bottles of ale and Harding roasting a goat. It was getting late, the sun already hanging lazily in the sky. I was mid motion in stretching my tired limps, when I heard footsteps. Expecting rebels or scoundrels I placed my hand on the hilt of the bow next to me sighing with relief when I recognized it was Ellana braking through the copse. I smiled at her claiming the tankard Cooper had already filled. Following my friend, were the dark haired woman - I had learned was seeker of truth Cassandra Pentaghast - a durgen'len scribe named Varric Tethras and Solas, whose bed I currently occupied while in Haven.  
Greeting them with a wave of the ale the other scout handed them some jugs, liquid running down the sides. They had obviously arrived a few hours ago and had already met scout Harding along the way, as they already seemed familiar with each other. Varric started making naughty jokes about Hardings name from the first moment. Solas sitting across the fire, frowning. Cassandra and Ellana sat at a little distance quietly discussing something, sourness etched into the seekers features. “So Lady Lavellan, you are from the same clan as our lovely herald here, I get it?” the dwarf asked me with a hearty grin. “Well yes but please I'm no lady just Etain.” I answered, feeling very uncomfortable with that title. Varric just winked at me and we chatted a little while until the dwarf returned to his crude jokes, Cooper spilling ale everywhere from laughing and poor Harding blushing and frowning all along. I just buried my face in my hands grunting, wishing my ears would fall off. “The best evening in a week but still the worst” I grumbled mostly to myself. An unfamiliar sound erupted from Solas' throat. He chuckled, I couldn't keep the smile from my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually this was planned as one chapter but it didn't work out so I'll just split it in half, notes count for both of them  
> So this was supposed to be a funny chapter but the angst just knocked me out and dumped itself in the text... and little voices kept telling me now would be the time for Solas being an ass about dalish.  
> durgen'len: dwarfs  
> Fen'harel enansal: Dreadwolfs blessing


	6. Barbaric dalish is barbaric! Pt 2

We hadn't talked much more than on the evening we had met so I was interested in lerning more about the odd elf that provided me shelter. He started talking about the fade, obviously delighted of the incredulous gaze I gave him. I listened curiously for I didn't know much of it, only what Information I had caught from keeper Deshanna talking with Ellana. The concept of magically potent creatures wandering the fade wasn't new to me but it still sounded fantastically in my ears. I would never be able to actually wander the fade and see it for myself, just as a mage could.  
As far as I knew most people were afraid of the fade even mages and especially the dalish. After all it was the realm of Fen'harel, where he wandered for centuries, bringing nightmares and so one. My lips pulled into a smirk at that thought. I had always believed them to be stories the keepers told children to teach them caution especially when wandering the fade. Of course I had no proof but I had prayed to the Dreadwolf nearly all my life and he never bestowed me with nightmares. Then again maybe it had somehow granted me Fen'harel enansal, who knew? Lost in my thoughts I started fondling the little wolf necklace I always kept around my neck. Solas watched me curiously. “Your lack of vallaslin resolves from your dedication to the Dreadwolf does it not?” I was absolutely staggered, I had assumed Solas was a city elf, a flat ear who had no idea of our culture. I nodded hesitantly stuffing the pendant back into my armour a little anxious of his reaction. Until now every elf who had found out about my beliefs had abandoned me except for Ellana. Solas had proven to be a friend, I didn't want to get pushed away again like so many times before. “Is that wise, praying to the Dreadwolf amongst your barbaric dalish clansmen? One would think they would cast you out or even worse in their stubborn ignorance?” He said with a smirk. “On the other hand let us plant a tree for they actually knew the right blood painting of Fen'harel.” I got up from my seat looking at him in shock. Not only had he managed to hit my soft spot but had also mocked everything, that me and my clan stood for, in one breath. My kinsmen didn't offer me much love, that was true, still they had raised and taught me everything. Ellana was next to me in seconds she had probably overheard the conversation and glared at the mage. My friend knew how other elves had always treated me, but she didn't judge and had always stood up against the ones who did. “I wouldn't think a bare faced, bald apostate was in the position to judge.” Ellana spat in a sour tone, furrowing her brows. I lay a hand on her shoulder to signal it was okay and sauntered off into the near copse. The forest shielding me away from the gazes of the others I let myself drop to the ground, back slumped to the trunk of a tree. I sighed pulling out my little wolf pendant. So many people had pushed me away. There had been a leather worker in my clan, a handsome boy and gentle. He was chosen to marry me and he had joined our clan a few years ago just as I had come off age. He had even crafted me the beautiful leather cuirass I wore now. Back then we became close and the first a slight infatuation began burgeoning. I was so happy, I didn't care for the others of the clan any more for I was looking forward to a future with a loving husband. It was too good to be true until the day he found me in a little clearing praying to a statue of Fen'harel. He cursed me, called me something like the Dreadwolfs' bitch. Fenedhis it was so long ago, 5 years now, but the memory still filled me with sorrow. Still I didn't regret the choice of my god. Wasn't he the only one that made sense? He was the only one left if the myths were to believe and I couldn't imagine someone locking the gods away just out of malice. He must have had his reasons. But anyway if I had prayed to another god, the clan would have cursed me for my flat-ear father. I didn't even know him, he only came by once in a while when his way would cross that of the clan. He was partly reason for my mothers' death, she got in the way when he got in a brawl with his employees or something. It had something to do with Antivan birds, I couldn't remember, ten years had passed since then and keeper Deshanna had told me about it. I had never seen my father again although I had heard rumours from the clans' hunters who had seen him near Kirkwall once, but he never came to visit the clan again and I doubted he even knew of my existence. My mother had always tried to keep their affair a secret and even after I was born, only went to see him at night thinking nobody would notice.  
Unsteady footfalls ripped me out of my recollection, I turned to see whoever had followed me. It was the now gravely drunk Cooper. “Herald and the egg still fightin' over wha'eeeeever.” He slurred giggling over his own joke, I smiled in return. “Come oh beautiful creature hair kissed by fire and eyes as green and mystical as the breach let us escape this madness.” He firmly chanted. I didn't know if he was mocking me or the ale speaking but I seized his out stretched hand nevertheless and let him pull me to my feet. In a gushing motion he pulled me flush against his body, placed his arms around me and hummed. I squealed in surprise trying to push myself free. His lips crashed into mine and my breath hitched in shock. When he finally broke the sloppy kiss I covered his mouth with my hands to gain more distance. Ugh disgusting. “By the Dreadwolf stop this nonsense.” He still didn't budge, so I reciprocated the embrace half heartedly. With a few well motioned wiggles I had seized the dagger from his belt and pressed it against his throat. He stopped murmuring his ale soaked compliments and froze, loosening his grip. “I swear, if you ever touch me again I will cut you.” I hissed narrowing my eyes. His eyes grew big as saucers and stumbled away backwards. I wiped my mouth and spat, I would have to drink more to erase this memory. A low voice startled me and I jumped a little. “What happened?” Solas approached me anger etched onto his face. I just rolled my eyes and waved it off. He growled fiercely in response probably reading the signs correctly. I still held the other mans' dagger in my hand, my hair were a little aloof and parts of my armour askew. I busied myself to fix my appearance not wanting to see Solas' face. At the unsettling sound, I was just kneeling down to place the dagger in my boot and couldn't suppress the slight shiver running down my spine. The distant howl of a wolf was carried our way by a soft breeze, filling the air with the scent of fresh moss. “No need to come and rescue the maiden. The barbaric dalish has already taken care of herself.” The mages features softened slightly and I think he actually looked embarrassed. My lips pulled into a smirk, slightly touched that he had actually felt protective about me, it would suffice as an apology. I would just have to teach him a little respect of cultures he didn't know.   
I brushed it away with a gesture and set off back to camp, Solas following me quietly. He moved without a sound, placing one careful step after another, how odd for a mage. Every time I tried sneaking through copse with Ellana she stomped like a huffy halla. On the other hand maybe it just came with the mysterious apostate package. I stepped into camp and was already tackled by a worried Ellana. Noticing her questioning expression, eyes darting from Solas to me, I explained to her what happened. Cooper it seems had packed his stuff and vanished into his tent, face bright pink and distorted to a mortified mask. I giggled slightly, I didn't plan to scare him that much just to keep him away from me. Ellanas cheeks turned to a tinge of rose with anger when she heard of Coopers actions. She wasn't a person to get angry easily, not nearly as impulsive as me, but this evening people had managed to infuriate her twice. This little adventure is definitely going to be very interesting indeed, a voice in my head noted sarcastically.


	7. Of frilly cakes and magisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Etain tries herself in sowing, seeing Val Royeaux the first time. And Solas showing her frilly cakes and the beginning of "Hushed Whispers"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight fluffiness incoming. Thank the creators I actually managed to write a happier chapter. Hope it makes you smile just like me while writing it. :) Have fun ... I'll go and get myself some cake now. :*  
> Thanks for reading love y'all <3  
> PS: I posted the chapter about the year the inky missed separately. And it's Solas pov just so you know :-)

After a few weeks of wandering, helping, killing, settling, feeding and recruiting we finally returned to Haven. The Hinterlands had been hard work and we were all happy about getting some rest again. Cooper behaved relatively normal although he didn't dare speak with me or even approach me more than a few feet. We had gathered a ridiculous amount of hide in the Hinterlands and having to fill up some free time until the next scouting job, I busied myself trying to sow a tent for myself. I had never crafted anything like that but I knew in theory how to do it, so I was quite optimistic, at first. I was sitting against the wall of Solas' cabin, sun shining brightly and cool wind stiffening my fingers, not the best requirement when attempting to craft something the first time but I would manage it. Adan kept sweeping in and out of his cabin throwing large shadows over my handy work and I had to stop every time in fear of piercing my fingers. It had already grown afternoon and I was getting more and more annoyed by the minute, not seeing any process whatsoever. I frowned fiercely when another shadow dared to block the sun from me. Looking up I recognized the frame as Solas'. I huffed at him. “I beg your pardon ser, but step aside if you may?”, “If that is still to be made into a tent a miracle is required.” He said with a wicked grin, motioning me to follow him. I furrowed my brows but got up to follow him anyway, leaving the misshaped project on the ground.  
By the time we stepped out of the village already a mockingly, heated discussion over the way a tent must look, had evolved. I mean a little fantasy and it would work as a tent, right? Or maybe at least a blanket or a cowl...? We sauntered into the whiteness of snow, watching small animals busting away at the sound of our bickering. Silence began to cloak us soon, the debate having ebbed away. I savoured the peace, so far away from the village, just the rustling of the leaves and the other elfs' soft footsteps, it remembered me of a past with my clan.  
Solas and me had come to be friends, in spite of his strange agenda towards the dalish, . He had been very kind and understanding when I was on my own, fearing for my friend and we both loved it to challenge the others opinions and force a debate. I dared test his patience on nearly every occasion, but I knew asking him about his travels, would cheer him again.  
I couldn't keep everything he told me about the fade but every question made him smile, losing himself to memory and it filled me with joy for his face held a plain expression far too often. “I adore your open mind. It is rare to find something so beautiful with the dalish.” I looked at him, trying to read his expression. “Sooo you think I'm beautiful?” I mocked, crooked grin spreading. He paused, considered a moment then said: “Not only I think so, I suppose. It is after all rather obvious. I presume more to have noticed.” I looked at him stupidly but turned away, feeling blush creeping into view, like a silly little girl. Hurriedly I knelt down to pick up the elfroot I had spotted nearby, to keep myself from staring at the other elf. We resumed our walk, silence spreading again, this time accompanied by slight unease. The sun had already vanished behind a mountain and it would be getting dark soon. Just wanting to propose the return to Haven, we reached the top of a hill. It was a marvellous sight, the Frostbacks spreading at our right, the Hinterlands in front of us and the sun merely peeking out from behind a colossal mountain. I gaped at the sight, jaw dropping, I must have looked like an idiot. “Yes truly beautiful.” Solas purred in a soft voice next to me, eyes fixated on my features. Ridiculous I thought, fighting the jittery feeling in my insides. Stupid girl, I scolded myself silently as I felt my cheeks heated again. I wasn't some little girl that would fall for sweet words, I was a hunter, a warrior, deadly and stupid. When we reached Solas' cabin again a messenger was already awaiting us, filling us in about the departure to Val Royeaux the following day. We just nodded and settled for the night, not another word spoken.

I was standing in the middle of the Summer Market, speechless and gaping. I had never seen so much gold and pure unadulterated kitsch in one place before. I was used to wooden aravels decorated with sketches of the pantheon, here and there some halla dung. But this was the most incredible, useless and beautiful place I had ever seen.  
Ellana had already wandered off together with the seeker to meet with some chantry ladies. I couldn't remember, being to enchanted by the sparkling statues and brightly coloured buildings all around, I hadn't been listening properly. Varric and Solas had stayed with me, seemingly impressed but not as much as me. Afterwards Varric had vanished into a book shop and Solas pulled me through the door of a petite bakery.  
The counters were stuffed with little puffy cakes, whipped cream in every imaginable colour, fresh fruits perched on some of goodies. As varied as the kitsch outside was the deliciousness filling my sight. I felt the desperate urge to plunge face forward into the velvety softness before me. Lucky for the baker, Solas had soon paid, loaded his arms with cakes and guided me out of the little room, before I could do something incredibly stupid.  
He also seemed to be rather excited over the fine bakery and purchased two bags full with one cake of each type. We found a quiet spot at the docks, where we dumped our bounty and settled ourselves next to it, a dulcet little mount separating us. Solas rather pleased with himself passed me something with pink cream and raspberries, taking one for himself. It tasted absolutely divine to me - only being used to simple meals, dalish didn't bake frilly cakes. Having eaten too many sweets and feeling rather satisfied for the moment I pulled off my boots and let my feet drop into the cold water. Turning my face to the sun, relishing the wonderful day, a happy warmth spreading within me. Solas sighed softly and I peeked across the pile of sweets opening one eye and erupting into laughter when I saw a little splodge of pink above of his lip. He looked at me in utter surprise which only caused me to laugh even harder, falling on my back and holding my sides. He huffed at me, trying to keep composure but his lips twitching into a grin nonetheless. I fought to straighten myself, wiping tears off my cheeks, still felling light headed from laughter.  
I reached out to wipe it away but hesitated mere inches from his skin. He watched me all the way, eyes darting from my hand to my face. Holding my breath for a moment, I brushed the cream away with my thumb nevertheless and removed my hand, my face matching the colour of the cream. To finish what I had started I licked the velvet mass of my finger in a mockingly, slight suggestive way, winking. I burst out laughing again, Solas just watching me in awe and the faintest hint of something else gleaming within his grey eyes. Sobering, I turned to pull my boots back on when I spotted Ellana approaching us. She smirked at me, skipping along the way towards us, wiggling her eyebrows. I frowned and stuffed a cake into her mouth to prevent her from saying something stupid. I knew exactly what it must have looked like.  
We returned to the front gates, Ellana filling us in about the meeting, the odd behaviour of the templars. She announced preferring to side with the mages, earning a loud grunt of disapproval from the seeker and a look on Solas face as if he would start “whooping” at any moment. With the apostate walking a few feet behind us, Ellana kept glimpsing at him and nudging my ribs throwing a hopeful glance at me. I rolled my eyes and ambled next at her side, grumbling that it wasn't what it looked like. However of course the herald of Andraste didn't buy it and was completely absorbed with the idea of me and Solas getting closer. I didn't even bother to tell her we were only friends because I knew she wouldn't have it. Well as long as it made her happy, I thought grinning to myself. That wasn't the smartest decision, because it earned me another suggestive eyebrow and a poke in the ribs.

It was a short stay in Haven this time. Ellana had set off for a few days going after assignments with only her little party where no scouting was required. She returned having recruited a few more willing to help the Inquisition. A scruffy looking, hairy Warden called Blackwall, he didn't seem to be a man of great words, kept mostly to himself at the blacksmith, but was willing to aid our cause. We trained together once, he was a good fighter, good with the shield, which was especially annoying for me as a rogue, though good practice nevertheless. I met the strange blond called Sera in the tavern one evening, we had started a heated discussion about elfs being elfy and had ended with drinking and laughing way too much. Of course - having the worst hangover in my life – I stumbled right into the garish Madame de Fer aka Vivienne. She didn't even bother to say anything just making noises of disapproval, when I grumbled an apology. I decided then I wasn't too displeased if we would never get to be best friends.

Soon Ellana had convinced the leaders of the Inquisition that joining with the mages would be the best option, thus not all being too pleased about her decision, a plan started forming quickly. I was to join a flock of the spymaster Lelianas' scouts. We were to sneak into the fort, to secure the heralds safety on the inside, while Cullens' troops would be positioning themselves at the castles' front. Ellana would be discussing terms with the dubious magister Alexius, who claimed to be the new leader of the mages. I had a very uneasy feeling about this enterprise, there was so much that could go horribly wrong. It firmly begged to be an ambush. But untouched by my pleading Ellana was determined to stick to the plan and my hands were bound. The only thing I could do to help her was to slit as many venatori throats as possible.  
A few hours later we had made our way through the secret passages of the castle, corpses lining our way. Now standing in the main hall, I watched Ellana talking with the magister, unease snaking through my innards. It was inspiring to see Ellana as our leader, perfectly fitting into her diplomatic position. That fact would make it even more dramatic if we lost her, she was such a precious figure not only in the upcoming task of sealing the breach.  
Halfway through that thought the diversion got heated as a groomed, moustached man showed up. I could sense with every fibre of my being how the magister got more and more displeased with the situation. With a strong foreboding feeling I seized the bow from my back and at bow from the quiver in preparation and fear of what might happen. I prayed to Fen'harel and every other god of the pantheon that this mission would not end in utter chaos.  
My stomach turning and time seeming to slow, Alexius pulled a green glowing amulet out of his cloak. Shouts erupted from the little group, the man attempting to cast something, Ellanas eyes widening in shock. My heart racing and stomach churning, a green portal exploded in their midst swallowing the two mages in front of it.  
Ellana and the man were gone. Shocked silence smothered us like a thick blanket, nausea drying my mouth. Fiona the former first enchantress stood in the centre of the room, hands clutching her mouth in a silent scream. Varric and Solas looking equally shocked. I dropped my bow and sheathed my dagger to assault the magister in blind rage.


	8. One night in the "Gull and Lantern"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hushed Whispers" afterparty. Inquisition getting a little wasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after the last chapter a little bit of light reading about the party of the herald getting drunk.  
> Song to this chapter? - Get It On, by T. Rex. That's at least what I was listening to :) Just a perfect song to go crazy.

I froze in mid motion, another portal appeared, puzzled faces gaping at the spot where Ellana and the other man reappeared. What was happening here? The magister sank to his feat, I placed myself between Varric and Solas, the three of us watching incredulously. As soon as everything was settled and the mages where sent to Haven as allies, Ellana pulled me into a long embrace, her eyes shining with tears. The moustached male introducing himself as Dorian Pavus, reminded me of a peacock in some ways, but he seemed adorable however. “Let us stay at the Gull and Lantern for the night. First round is on me!”, he exclaimed. We had crossed the distance from the castle to the tavern quickly and it seemed only Varric, Ellana and Solas had followed. Such a smart man this Dorian, I thought, he had waited until everybody else was gone so the fee wouldn't get too high. Still smirking to myself, we settled in a corner near a very talented bard. Although the mood was cheerful altogether I didn't fail to notice the dark shadows crossing Ellanas' face from time to time. “What actually happened?”, I asked my friend in what I hoped was a soothing voice. Ellana started talking in a hushed whisper, Dorian pitching in every time she lost her voice, swallowing a sob. My stomach dropped hearing of the fate that would have awaited us, silence started spreading. “You died for me, all of you” Ellana pressed through grit teeth. She stroked my cheek lovingly her sad gaze sliding to Solas' and Varrics' faces.   
I swallowed hard. No it was not the time to grieve a future that had been prevented. We would celebrate. Announcing this I placed a filled tankard in Ellanas hands, determined to wipe the sorrow off her face, at least for now. The others didn't need much of persuasion and began emptying jug after jug. Soon Varric began telling hilarious stories about Hawke and his friends. “She just dumped her coat across his horns! I swear by Andrastes' sweet ass: true story.”, he exclaimed thumping his tankard on the table. The others spluttering ale in every direction and even Solas' lips tugged into a smile. Although my world was already spinning slightly, I noticed how the blond elf seemed to be claiming more and more space, covertly shoving me even closer to Solas side. I was flush against him soon, his arm halfway around me from the lack of space. Ellana watched us beaming happily, her cheeks just as pink as mine, thanks to the ale.   
Getting a little coltish and wanting to restore some space to Solas, I waved the bard over to the table. Maryden was her name I think. “Maryden”, I said “ a tune for you” and I stepped onto the table starting to sing at the top of my lungs. She was a clever musician and quickly had adopted the melody. The text was elven and only two people here would probably be able to sing along.  
I seized Ellanas' and Solas' hand, attempting to pull them up on the table. While Solas didn't budge, the blonde joined me quite willingly on my makeshift stage. People started gaping, the men seemingly rather content with the sight. It just edged us on, dancing even more boisterously, even when we didn't know the songs any more. Even Varric and Dorian got into the act after a while, waving their filled jugs and laughing.   
The dwarf ordered another round, this time including the bard and some others who had joined half way through our little party.   
When the fifth round arrived, I attempted to dance and drink at the same time. In my current state not the best idea. Leaning too far backwards and losing balance, I toppled and dropped into Solas' lap. I held my tummy, roaring with laughter, Ellana nearly slipping off the table herself and screeching at the sight. I turned to Solas face, shock altering his smile. “Yooouuu definitely not drunk enoufffffff.” I chuckled, poking his cheek. That sight must have even been too much for Solas for he burst into laughter. I struggled a little, winding myself to somehow leave my position, but I failed. Wiggling in direction of the table, I seize a still full tankard and shove it into the elfs' empty hands.   
Dorian returned to our table - I hadn't even noticed he was gone. “We have two rooms, one with three beds and the other has a double bed.”, Ellana wiggled her eyebrows ferociously at me, before whispering something into Dorians' ear. His grin turning wicked he handed Solas the key to the double bedded room. Ellana whooped, patting Dorians hair lightly from her elevated position. Pavus guided Varric and the other elf to the second bedroom, the two time-travellers giggling. The apostate pulled me into the next room and when I saw the interior I made an appreciating sound. It was a rather big, with a fluffy looking bed. Definitely not what I had expected from this tavern. I charged, kicking off my boots along the way, squeaking with glee while plunging into its' softness,. I scrambled to my feet starting to bounce on the mattress. Solas chuckled while closing the door. “Hmmm, the others expect us to be naughty eeeeelfs. What do you think of that, Mr Apostate?”, I slurred, striking ridiculous poses. “I think that you are in a state where sleep would be recommended.”, he answered with a smirk, walking around the bed. Finishing to unbuckle my armour and tossing the leather into all the corners of the room, I let myself drop into the bed. Yawning I arched my back and spread my arms to stretch and let my joints crack. My shirt autonomously revealing a remarkable amount of my now bare stomach. I watched Solas through dark lashes, his gaze wandering over my slender form,. His eyes lingering on my face. Hee coughed and started spreading his bedroll on the floor.  
I turned, sighing, sleep already creeping its' way into my mind. “...big enough for both of us...”, I mumbled into a pillow and drifted off into a deep sleep.  
A pained groan tore through the silence, blinking I groaned again, recognizing the voice as my own. Memories started shoving themselves into my mind and I sat up gasping in sudden shock. I blinked to my right and was so startled by the man sitting next to me that I nearly fell off the bed. Quickly I pulled the blanket up to my chin. Daring to take a peek of what lay underneath the covers I sighed with relief when finding I was not completely stripped. Solas looked up, silent amusement playing around his lips. When he turned a page of his book it felt as if my head was about to split in half. “Shhhhhhhhhh”, I glared at him, how could a book make such a horrible noise? Grunting I hid under the covers. Solas started humming the tune we sang the previous evening and I pulled at the blanket, just as much so I could watch him with one eye. “How awkward...?”, I whispered, not really wanting to hear the answer. Solas just smiled at me and shrugged. Oh this elf, I'm going to..., a pang of pain splitting my head. Okay maybe I would defend my dignity tomorrow and just stay here and die for now. Sudden nausea wrecking through me I rolled out of bed, toppling over a bucket, that had already been placed there. Wanting to thank the mage, “Oh Dreadwolf”, was all I managed. I vanished into the bathroom afterwards, hoping cold water would help me feel better. Solas had followed me, approaching me with a sympathetic expression. Softly he touched the top of my head, letting magic flow through my body. It soothed my fussing stomach and the agony whirling in my head. After seconds it was as though the ale had never touched my lips and I could remember every little detail of the previous evening. The jittery feeling that had started building in my abdomen was chased away by embarrassment. The images of me sitting on his lap, dancing on a table and practically inviting him into my bed, were heating my cheeks rapidly. Oh creators, I could firmly hear the rumours spreading. Strategically avoiding Solas' gaze, I rushed by, down into the main room of the tavern, three defeated looking figures already awaiting me. I chimed a “good morning”, earning groans and obscene gestures for an answer. Ellana had her head perched on the table, a large jug of water standing before her. Dorian fumbled with some grapes, muttering tevene curses under his breath and Varric, one hand holding his head, prodded his porridge with a spoon. I frowned at Solas. After few moments of sweet words and an even sweeter smile, I convinced him to help the others as well, so we could travel back to Haven in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course the Dreadwolf would have a spell against hangovers, when he was young back in the days (those Dread-(lock)-wolf) days, he was a bad bad boy and actually partied hard in his super awesome lair, right? Well at least in my head...  
> 


	9. Closing the breach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Etain scouts the Stormcoast, meeting the chargers. Closing the breach afterwards, everything seems to have gone well, right?  
> As Orlais is kind of a reference to france I figured Jean would be using some french words. Etain of course had no idead of what he is saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everybody who actually read this and left kudos. I kudos you back all you lovely people <3

Soon we sallied off to meet the chargers at the Stormcoast. One of their mercenaries having showed up in Haven one day offering their service to the Inquisition. The poor guy had been standing there nearly a whole day until our herald had stumbled across him and hearing what he had to say. Ellana happened to believe him and our little scout party was sent forth to assess the coast. A new member had joined us, a soldier from Orlais. “Jean”, he introduced himself, with a last name that rolled off his orlesian tongue real smooth and sounded like a dying horse from my lips. He was a skilled soldier, good with dual wielding swords. Still he was able to move without a sound. Additionally being the perfect gentleman he was, scout Harding and I soon came to appreciate his company, having a rather good time at the coast. Hadn't there been the pouring rain, or the dragon or the Blades of Hessarian.  
After a week Ellana and her companions had arrived and we we travelled together from then on, seeking to meet the chargers. They were fighting at the coast with some Venatori. The noise of the battle easily drowned by the thundering of the waves and the endlessly raging storm. Plunging right into the fight we helped our future allies. The tevene were overwhelmed quickly and we sat to let the herald settle everything else with the group of mercenaries.  
Not expecting the horned beast that was approaching us now however, I gasped and stumbling backwards. I had no idea what that was or what it wanted. Maybe a demon? I hid behind Jean, guessing he would be rather sufficient as a human shield. To my surprise instead of defending us he started to laugh at me. The creature joined in, his laugh echoing off the near cliffs. My eyes grew wide as I watched them both spluttering with joy. He introduced himself as the Iron Bull, the leader of the chargers. Oh no. Feeling like a fool, I clutched my face to hide the blush. He patted me on the back, making my knees buckle from the force. “It's okay Bunny I wont harm you unless you asked for it.”, He announced tugging lightly at my hair, while I looked at him with a puzzled face. I backed off a little, preferring to keep my distance. Jean was still sniggering and even Solas seemed to smirk at my foolishness. If my hands hadn't been occupied with covering my heated cheeks, I would have slapped them.  
The rock like man turned to our herald then, discussing the terms of his employment. While they spoke, he revealed that he was a Qunari spy, earning frowns from both Solas and Jean. Ellana seemed to trust this mountain of a man nevertheless and he was sent back to Haven, together with his crew. I eyed him suspiciously when he walked away, more intimidated by his features than anything else. Of course I had heard tales of Qunari, but I had never seen one in person. Right in front of me. Towering over me like a mountain. How would a female Qunari look like, I wondered. Or their kids? Was his skin thicker than that of an elf or shemlen? Where they born with horns? Oh Dreadwolf! I definitely needed to talk to him when we were back in Haven.  
We had started walking back into the forest already while I was still staring after Bulls distant disappearing form. Not watching my way, I slipped on the muddy ground, falling backwards and ripping Solas with me into the dirt. He groaned I must have turned in mid motion and had rammed my shoulder into his chest. Whoops. I hastily tried to scramble to my feet but failed. We were both filthy, grime caking our clothes. I could feel his hot breath on my cheeks and cast my gaze quickly away when his eyes sought mine. “May I be of service, jolie dame?”, Jean said smiling, offering a hand. Mirroring his smile I seized it and let him pull me to my feet. He attempted to help Solas as well, but the elf declined rather roughly. I apologized, fearing I was the cause of this change of mood, but he just waved it off and followed a few feet behind us. I kept to my fellow scouts, talking and laughing a lot with Jean. Solas keeping to himself for the rest of the day seemingly lost in thought. Although Jean was charming and rather pleasing to look at, I couldn't keep my thoughts occupied by the shemlen for long. I appreciated his attention nevertheless. I had started thinking about Solas more than was good for our friendship and I couldn't help it. After all I hadn't stayed with the Inquisition to get involved with someone and it was probably one-sided anyway. Just a girlish infatuation. It would vanish if I'd just ignore it for long enough. It wouldn't gain me anything but distraction, even if it wouldn't end up in a total mess. Maybe it was just my confused brain overreacting after such an eventful time. Still Solas had been a true friend, something I hadn't witnessed too often. I brushed the thought aside scowling. 

 

When we were finally finished discovering the blighted Stormcoast we travelled back to Haven. There was still the breach to close and with the inner circle now propped with skilled fighters it was time to act. The preparations were made quickly and the best of the mages lead by Solas, Cassandra and Ellana travelled to the ruins of the temple, where it all had started.  
I had been posted outside of the ruins across a hill, not seeing anything of what was left of the temple of sacred ashes. Jean sat next to me, humming an orlesian tavern song, while I was diligently praying to my god. Time seemed to grow slower every minute as I sat shivering with fear and anticipation, ceaselessly mumbling under my breath. Finally a green light exploded, blinding us for a few seconds, a wave of pure energy rattling my core. I held my breath, listening. When cheering erupted from behind the hill I broke down and wept into the cold rock beneath me. They had done it.  
The little crowd returned from the depths of the ruins and my fear was entirely forgotten. I rushed to meet Ellana with a joyful embrace, even flinging my arms around Solas. I was so relieved that both of them had made it out alive.  
I firmly skipped back to the village and even Cassandra bore a smirk on her lips. It was a happy, victorious evening and the people of Haven had already awaited our arrival. Greeting the herald with cheers and singing, the handed each of us a filled tankard. It was a wonderful moment, dancing around camp fires to merry music. The whole village was singing and celebrating friskily until the sound of the alarm bells tore through the happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shemlen: quickling (humans)  
> jolie dame: pretty lady


	10. The fall of Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven falls and Etain can't do anything to help Ellana.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrote this chapter, I think it's better now. Hope you like it.
> 
> Thanks to all reading this and leaving kudos. Kisses to you all. 
> 
> Incase you're interested, I listened to "Leaving Earth" from Mass Effect while writing this. Well you can imagine what an emotional wreck I am now ;)  
> 

The people scattered. Glee turning into fearful grimaces. The music and dancing stopped momentarily. Shouts resounded over the horrified cries. Enemy forces were rolling over the hills towards us. The soldiers picked up their swords. Workers picked up tools, even women grabbed anything the could find, old and injured bringing children to safety. I sought familiar faces in the chaos only finding Solas'. He looked at me, face hard with worry and then strode into the night. I rushed after him. Reaching for my bow I took position at the fortifications.  
Ellana was already defending the trebuchets, while I peppered the enemies with arrows. So many of them were coming through and every wave came closer and closer to the herald. Good men and women falling all around them accompanied by cries of agony. The red templars didn't make a difference. They slaughtered everybody that came in their way. Soldiers. Workers. Children.  
Ellana and her companions were absorbed in fighting. They didn't see the group that was approaching from behind. An abomination appeared out of nothing right behind the herald. I strained the bowstring. It hauled it's dagger. I took a deep breath and let the arrow loose. Ellana whipped around by the sound of a body falling to the ground behind her. Our eyes locked for a brief moment before she lunged back into battle.  
I moved along the fortification, covering their backs. They had reached the last trebuchet now and  
Ellana managed to trigger a landslide. I watched as it rolled down the mountainside, burying the approaching army underneath masses of snow. The soldiers cheered in victory. I didn't dare.  
Could it really have been so easy? It hadn't, there were still soldiers left and they didn't take long. The first groups charged at the village again, enraged by the assault. an earth rattling roar thundered along the mountainside. I froze, eyes scanning the thick clouds.  
A trebuchet exploded and an enormous shadow soared over the village. I ran back to the main gate, houses exploding around me. A dragon was crushing Haven. A dragon was burning our home to the ground and the people in it alive. The air was filled with the sounds and stench of a burning death. Wood burst under my feet, forcing me to to the ground. I landed hard on my bow and the string snapped. I tossed the useless weapon away and sheathed my daggers. Another explosion of wood and fire. Debris was scattered, near me a soldier fell. I rolled out of the way, a large splinter piercing my side. I got to my feet and removed the fragment with a moan. The girl next to me also pulled her weapon and took stance.  
A small group of fowl looking templars had broken through the fortifications, attacking us now. I darted out of the way, attempting to assault from their behind. Slitting, cutting and ripping we fought with all we had but the red templars were relentless. I blocked a strike above my head, when sharp pain shot through my middle and forced me to crumple. A creature appeared at my side, stabbing at me in a sickening speed. I rolled to the side and yanked my dagger upwards, hitting it hard in the harm with the other. It hissed and kicked my hand away, driving it's now free blade deep into my thigh. I cried out, pulling my weapon out of it's abdomen when a lightning bolt struck the creature. The templar fell to my side and slowly I pulled it's dagger from my leg. “Are you all right? Can you make it to the chantry?” I hissed violently when Ellana pulled me to my feet. We exchanged a few words, the rest of the enemy group had already been dispatched. It looked bad for the village. We couldn't hold against a dragon.  
“What about you?”, I croaked, glancing at my friends “We'll be fine. Now go!”, Ellana shouted the latter at me fiercely. I winced at the sound but pulled the girl that had helped, with me. We staggered into the chantry, Lysette as she introduced herself, supporting me.  
My wounds were tended as far as it was possible. The village was in chaos, so many were wounded and the supplies were low. I watched the stream of refugees streaming into the chantry. The flood of entering people decreasing to only a trickle.  
After a while the door was pushed open, Ellana and the rest of her group stepping in. I watched them with heavy eyes. My body drained from blood loss, snapped to attention when the herald turned to leave. My voice rang through the hall. I shoved my way through to the commander with trembling hands. “What are you doing? It's suicide to go out there alone!” I had gripped the commanders arm, forcing him to a halt. He mumbled something and left me alone. Lost amongst the descending people. “We need to help her.”, I breathed to the decreasing number of people.  
The sound of orlesian tried to reach me, but my senses were dampened with fear, watching the blurring scene in silence.  
“It was her fate to choose.”, whispered a soft voice into my ear. “Come now. We need to move swiftly.” Solas gently took my wrist and pulled me towards the back entrance of the building. He lead me to a narrowly ascending path. Lead me to safety. But at what price?  
I let it happen, trotting after the elf passively, ignoring my exhausted body. Only the roaring of another avalanche forced me to focus again. I turned immediately, seeing how Haven was crushed under an enormous amount of snow and rocks. The dragons' cry echoed from the mountainside. It leapt out of the pillowing huffs of dirt and snow just as the destruction had reached the chantry.  
I couldn't tear my eyes from the sight. “Ellana”, I breathed, fingers digging into the hand around my wrist. The other elf patiently standing at my side. The minutes watching the destruction felt like hours until the blood loss took its' toll. The world around me was spinning. I was lifted off the ground and Solas carried me after the baggage. I whispered my protest into his shoulder, eyes still fixated on the ruins of Haven. “Don't leave her. Help her. Help her survive.”, I breathed, hoping somebody would listen. I slumped in his arms, too exhausted to struggle any more.  
We reached a camp and I was placed gently next to a fire place. So many people were shouting, fussing and sobbing. The cold mountain air was filled with grief and blood. Staring into the blurry darkness, the noise growing distant again. I seized the little wolf pendant, bloody fingers against the plain metal. I closed my eyes. “Guide her, lead her back to us. Fen'harel enansal.” The sound of a wolf howling sent a shiver down my spine. My eyes snapped open when the fire in front of me burst to life. Solas had returned, wrapping a thick woollen blanket around my shoulders. “Ma serannas, falon.”, I managed to whisper.“Ma suledin nadas.”, was all the mage replied. Maybe we would be able to carry on without her, without the anchor, maybe it would work. Gentle fingers started working on my wounds, streaming soothing warm healing magic into my limbs. A potion was guided to my lips. My gaze transfixed, watching the flames licking at wood hungrily. Ready to devour anything in its' path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fen'harel enansal: Dreadwolfs' blessing  
> ma serannas: my thanks  
> falon: friend  
> ma suledin nadas: you must endure now


	11. Reaching Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well as it says in the title already, we reach Skyhold now. And well Solas is still torn aswell as Etain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured that Solas wouldn't be able to heal the wounds in one go, because they must be really short in supplies and mages with the ability to heal would be kind of rare as well.   
> Getting a little more fluffy now and smut coming soon (next chapter probably)

“We found her! The herald, she's alive!” My eyes fluttered open. The noise of the Inquisition stilled for a moment only to rise to an excited buzz. It seemed I had been moved into a tent. The noise was dampened by the canvas, the wind pushing against the tent flaps with gentle fingers. I drifted back into an uneasy sleep, waking every so often. Somewhere in the distance I heard a crowd singing, before returning to darkness.   
The tent flap was pushed open gently, icy wind ghosting over my face. I stirred curious of the intrusion. I blinked at Solas stoic features. “Your bandages require changing.”, nodding slightly I shifted out of my bedroll, wincing at the motion. The mage removed the material from my abdomen and began cleaning the wound. He worked quickly, trained fingers gently tending the flesh with healing magic. The warm tingling of his spell snaked its' way down my body to my thigh, soothing the pain. “I'm afraid this is all I am capable of at the moment. You must be cautious or it will tear open.” I savoured the last moments before the salving magic retreated from my limbs. “Ma serannas.”, my gratitude earning me a faint smile. He passed me a bottle with water, helping me while I struggled to sit upright. I gulped down the liquid turning my gaze and thanking him once more. I scanned his severe features, my eyes lingering on his. His face was so close, grey orbs fixed on my features. His scent of leather, fur and herbs hypnotizing me and filling the space around me.  
I leaned ever so slightly closer, watching his expression. His eyes flicked to my parted lips and he reached for a loose strand of hair, pushing it behind my ear. My skin was prickling where he had faintly brushed my cheek. I breathed in deeply, trying to suppress the fluttering sensation in my inside, his fingers caressing mine with feathery touches.  
Solas retreated hastily and busied himself with arranging healing poultices. I let out a breath I was holding and turned away to gather myself. Embarrassment and disappointment battling within me. “She is awake now. I can send for...”, he didn't have time to finish, I had already pushed myself on unsteady legs and stumbled out of the tent at the first words. I blinked a few times, adjusting my eyes to the bright sunlight. Ellana had already spotted me and quickened her step, a smile spreading across her features. I faltered, my body refusing its' service, strong hands supported me immediately. Ellana gestured the other elf to lead me back to my bedroll, demanding me to rest in a motherly tone. She dove into the tent next to me as soon as Solas had left. “How are you feeling da'assan?”, a big lump forming in my throat, I flung my arms around her neck as response. “Fine now.”, I giggled into the nape of her neck after a moment, pulling her even closer.

 

“It is a miracle. Thank the maker that she made it out alive!”, Jean exclaimed while supporting my stumbling steps. “Yes a miracle it is, truly...”, I returned in a low voice. “I'm glad you are getting better. We were very worried. Your wounds looked fierce...”, his words trailed away, watching me with a sad expression. I gave him a weak smile. “Everything fine now.” The man squeezed me into a half hug, careful not to cause any pain.   
We had set off further through the mountains. Solas and Ellana leading us somewhere we would be safe, leading us to a new home. The hike across the mountainside was exhausting and soon my body screamed in agony. I had declined a cart or a horse, not wanting to take up space we could use more efficiently. Still I needed to take a brake every so often, Jean at my side patiently at all times.  
A small group had joined us, containing Varric and Iron Bull with his chargers. The dwarf peppering the orlesian with strange questions about courting and smutty words in his language. He was researching for a book he said, I guess I didn't even want to know what kind of book it would be.   
We ascended a steep slope and my torn muscle gave in. I dropped to the ground with a gasp, Jeans' reaction being to slow to catch me. Pain tore through my abdomen, warm redness spreading through my shirt. “Fenedhis.” - “Careful now little bunny.”, Iron Bull mumbled in a soothing voice while scooping me from the ground. Ignoring the pain I struggled a little against his firm grip. I didn't want to be a nuisance. Stitches, one of the chargers, handed me a potion. “What's that?”, he just shrugged and gave me a crooked grin. “Good for ya. Stops the pain.” I downed the liquid, feeling my sense dulling at once, slowly drifting off to sleep.  
“Hey bunny. Wake up.”, Bull shook me softly, pulling me back to consciousness. I blinked, spotting Ellana standing at the top of a rock gaping. When we reached her level, it seemed the whole Inquisition drew a breath simultaneously. Right there in front of us lay an enormous fort, perched upon a rock as if grown there. Strong ramparts encompassing high towers, thick stone walls towering above the grand mountains of the Frostbacks. We had reached Skyhold and it was magnificent.  
Flocks of people scattered through the main gates, hurrying in every direction to marvel at their new home. The members of the Inquisition were abuzz at once, distributing the space and different tasks. I was placed in the yard where the healer camp was set up, my wounds being tended momentarily. The crowd was gathered back in front of the main gates, Cassandra leading Ellana to the stairs towering above the people and the spy master already awaiting them. My friend, the first of my clan, was appointed Inquisitor. A few words were said and I watched happily, when she heaved the ridiculously big sword of the Inquisitor into the air and cheered with the crowd. Our new Inquisitor caught my sight and winked at me happily, I waved back at her, mirroring her smile. The crowd scattered again, shielding my view from her. A messenger approached me, coughing to make his presence known.  
“I was sent to tell you, that the Inquisitor has provided you with your own room and hand you this. It's a map of Skyhold, it shows the way to your quarters. Also she apologizes not having the time to show you herself, but she is engaged with important matters concerning the Inquisition. If there is nothing else I will take my leave now, my lady.”, he handed me a little note, inclining his head. It was signed with a – for Ellana characteristic – drawing of clan Lavellans' emblem.

Ellanas creative skills were awful and the more I looked at it the more worried I got if I would actually be able to find it, even if my injuries would allow me to climb all those stairs. I struggled to my feet, approaching the door of the main hall. Noticing that nobody was present I allowed myself to slump against a wall, relieving my already complaining thigh. I gazed at the enormous coloured windows at the rear end of the hall and marvelling at the piece of art. “Do you require aid?”, Solas asked, startling me. He had already linked my arm with his, not waiting for a response. 

We crossed a round space, ravens croaking contently somewhere over our heads. A few steps later and a bickering thigh richer we had reached the library. The mage led me to my room, while I gazed down to the beautiful gardens. I dumped what little I had onto the floor as soon as we entered the small bedroom. Solas led me to a cushioned chair and I let myself drop into it, my sore thigh thanking me for the break.   
“How long will it take to recover?”, I asked him, already fed up with my useless body. “I'm afraid a few weeks with the supply shortage.”, nodding slowly I stretched out on the bed, careful not to strain the wound to much. “The scars will remain.”, the man stated while soothing the torn flesh with more healing magic. I huffed with amusement in response. Not that anybody would see it any time soon. “There's more to life than a flawless shell.”, I answered his questioning gaze, shrugging. Lost in thought while the other elf worked my wounds I clutched the pendant around my neck. What were some scars having won a new life. Even Ellana had survived, an ugly scar was a small price to pay, I thought and sent a thankful prayer to the Dreadwolf. “Tell me: Why do you not fear the trickster wolf like the rest of your people? Are you not concerned he might deceive you?”, Solas questioned in a soft voice, pulling me back to the present. I furrowed my brows. “I don't fear childrens' tales. After all this time it was never him to cause my pain but those who told the tales.” Solas' eyes widened a little in surprise, his stoic mask slipping ever so slightly. “Your way of thinking impresses me. You do not balk at the perspective of treading an uneasy path. Not many have this strength.”, the man stated, amazement softening his features. “You are an apostate, still you stayed with the Inquisition, in defiance of the threat to be killed. You could have walked away.”, I gave him credit, gaze softly wandering across his handsome features. He shook his head slowly, a sadness spreading from his eyes. “I considered it, but no. It was never really an option.” - “Yes”, I whispered nodding, knowing what he meant. “I'm glad you stayed.”, he gave me a fond smile, fingers tenderly caressing the skin of my abdomen, while he started bandaging anew.   
“So am I” was his response as he turned to leave, a faint smile tugging at his lips. I placed a cool hand on my forehead, fighting the nervousness that caused my fingers to tremble. “Fenedhis” I cursed, angry my body responded to his touches the way it did. The image of his smiling face worked its' way into my inner vision. Dreadwolf take his lean body and his broad shoulders. The little dimple in his chin, his prominent jawline. “Gaaaagh”, I cried out pressing my face into the pillow. A silent knock. “Everything all right?”, Solas voice sounded through the wooden door. “Yes”, I groaned, the sound muffled by the bedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ma serannas: my thanks  
> da'assan: little arrow  
> fenedhis: elven curse


	12. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little progress in the relationship. I wonder if this is still a slow burn or if I should remove the tag? I don't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might have noticed already, but I'm so bad with summaries....  
> I'd say the title says enough, maybe just read for yourself. Oh ehm did I say smut this chapter? Well I lied... hehehe  
> Nevermind, hope you like this one, next will be up soon.
> 
> Kisses to you, thanks for reading and the kudos. <3

I was woken by a cool draft, causing me to shiver. I blinked around in the dim light, spotting a bony figure with an enormous hat standing beside my bed. I shot upright, muffling my scream with a shaky hand. “Candied craving, searching, seeking in his eyes. Soothing soreness with tender touches.”, the figure chanted, as an alarmed looking Dorian and a rather deranged Solas burst into the room. “What...?”, I gasped at the three men in my bedroom. “Cole what are you doing here?”, Solas asked the one with the hat in a gentle voice. Dorian was leaning casually against the door frame, smug smile on his face. “Hm interesting. You heard what the boy said baldy. Someone here is hurting. A very special ache indeed.”, the tevene sniggered, winking at me. Oh Dreadwolf was that boy talking about me? That was not possible, that would mean he could read my mind. Panic and embarrassment started rising equally in my insides. Both Dorian and Solas had heard everything. “No don't be afraid. I'm only trying to help. I help people that are hurting. You are hurting.” I stared at him, mouth wide open. Solas was fidgeting awkwardly with the hem of his shirt when Dorian spoke again. “Oh dear. Come boy, I will explain to you now which pains are for mending and which are not.”, he pulled Cole out of the room, talking. “You know this very special, sweet ache is something good...”, the voice grew distant, leaving Solas and me in an uneasy silence. After a few moments silence we started talking at the same time, quickly stopping to clear our throats. “Cole is a spirit of compassion. Helping and soothing pain is his nature.” I formed a muted “oh” with my lips, not daring to say anything in fear it would sound stupid. Solas was sitting next to me on the bed now, further explaining the nature of spirits and how he suspected Coles' mind to work. I listened half heartedly, watching the muscles of his face form every word. His soft lips moving in tune with the rhythmic sound of his voice.   
It seemed Solas was awaiting a response when he turned his view in my direction. I swallowed the nervousness slowly clawing its' way up. The embarrassment had already reached its' maximum, how much worse could it get? I drew a deep breath and reached to cup is jaw, pulling his face toward me. My gaze dropped to his lips before my lashes fluttered shut. My lips brushed the faintest kiss onto his, only to draw back again at once.   
Okay I was wrong, it had actually become even more awkward now. Solas had gone rigid like a statue. I stumbled out of bed as fast as my sore limbs would allow it. “I … ahem...breakfast.”, I pressed, pointing in no direction in particular. Smooth fingers around my wrist stopped me from leaving though. “Solas...I...” Reaching for my chin he turned me to face him. His eyes locked with mine, a little smile playing around his lips before they touched mine. It was a tender kiss, one hand moving to cup my cheek, the other curling around my waist, settling at the small of my back. I leaned into him, savouring his taste and the warm sensation spreading in my body. He pulled away, shaking his head, sadness flickering through his eyes. Crestfallen I chased his lips, wanting more. Hot lips came crashing back to mine, summoning a muffled squeal. He nipped at my flesh hungrily, pulling my body flush against his. I grasped his shirt with both hands to steady my weak legs. His unruly desire caused my entire body to tremble. I retreated for a second to catch my breath, the pause only furthering Solas' greed. He reclaimed my lips momentarily, licking and nipping the pink flesh, seeking entrance. His hot tongue caressed mine tenderly, while his fingers slowly moved lower down my backside.   
“Ha get a room you too. Or rather close the door behind you.”, a smug tevene quipped from behind me. My eyes snapped open, Solas already withdrawing from the embrace. “To breakfast then?”, he asked me in a husky voice, his forehead touching mine. I nodded, still breathless and face flushed. 

Most of the Inner Circle was already present. Ellana waved us over to sit with her. “Solas good that you're here. We're taking our leave at mid day.” I started nibbling on a piece of bread. “They won't be gone for long, don't worry love.”, Dorian giggled, sauntering into the room. I rolled my eyes at him, frowning. “Besides you can spend time with me. Oh we will have so much fun.” Ellanas eyes darted between Solas, Dorian and me, quirking questioning a brow. I huffed, stealing a glance at Solas who seemed rather occupied with analysing a grape. Dorian wiggled his brows at Ellana, her lips forming and “oh”, brows shooting up in surprise. “Don't worry, the trip won't be long.”, the Inquisitor confirmed quickly, suppressing a grin. I reached under the table, poking Ellana into the ribs with a smirk, releasing her contained giggles.   
The preparations were finished quickly, Dorian and me seeing them off at the gates as they left. Ellana hugged me tightly, promising to return soon. Solas already having recovered his stoic facade, said his goodbye formally. I couldn't help but feel a slight pang of disappointment, when he walked away.   
“To the library, shall we?”, the tevene asked presenting his arm to support me walking. “Sounds boring, but okay.”, I responded letting the man pull me away. “So the apostate and you is it?”, shrugging at his question I answered honestly: “I don't know really” We had not really spoken since that morning and he had been very reserved afterwards. Maybe he wasn't really interested? Maybe it was just a one time thing for him? “Oh well dear, don't bother about it. Who could resist such a charming creature like you?”, the man retorted, when he saw my worried expression. We finally reached the library and I let myself drop into an empty seat near a window, my bleating thigh and stomach thanking me for the release. “Let's see. Any books or stories you prefer? Shall I fetch you something?”, I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat. “I...ah...well, no not really.” Grabbing a book from the shelf, Dorian glanced at me with a strange expression. “Well you must have preferences. Did you read Varrics books? About the champion of Kirkwall? Or maybe you're more the smutty kind?” I looked outside, avoiding his gaze. “Let's just go into the garden. We could plant some herbs.”, I suggested attempting to stand and flee from this extremely uncomfortable conversation. “Oh. I am so sorry, dear.”, he realized, pushing me back into the cushioned chair. “I can teach you if you want.”, the tevene offered trying to break my defence.   
“I don't know. You probably have more important things to do than teaching some stupid elf how to read.” - “No. It's okay, it's easy. You'll learn it in no time. I really don't mind.”. The mage looked at me with an encouraging smile. I nodded hesitantly, well it was worth a try and I couldn't do much else at the moment anyway. Dorian fetched some parchment and quills and placed a book in front of me.   
He was a rather good teacher, although not too patient. “What about the Inquisitor?”, I shot a puzzled glance at him, looking up from the book. “What? Oh you mean if she can read? Yes.”, he furrowed his brows. “How so? Why did nobody teach you?” - “She was raised to be first of the clan - a future keeper. She was taught to read and write. I was a hunter, I wasn't supposed to handle books and there was no need anyway. It was my duty to provide food, hers to provide lore.” Dorian hummed thoughtful in response. “Well love, you are an intelligent girl, you will learn quickly, you'll see. Wits and beauty distinguish dangerous women .” I looked at him with raised eyebrows. “I keep three blades on my body at all times. They are more likely to keep me alive than words.” - “Oh darling.”, the man sniggered. I huffed and shoved him off the book and returned to my studies.

My thoughts drifted back to the kisses Solas and I had shared and his distanced farewell. I couldn't keep myself from wondering why he had behaved like that. “Don't worry dear, everything come all right.”, was what Dorian would say to comfort the irritated expression creeping into my face. “Maybe he was only a little uncertain, just like you?” Maybe, but the kiss hadn't felt very precarious. I lay awake at night, wondering if it may have been a mistake assaulting the other elf like that. Slowly regret started snaking its' way into my thoughts, fearing to have ruined a precious friendship, while the crave for his touch grew with every day.

The next weeks were filled with reading and writing, the tevene even starting to give me texts to read in my free time. When Dorian wasn't teaching me, I climbed stairs or walked the ramparts, in order to train my weakened leg. The mage was a big help, always at my side to jump to aid and keeping my mind off the apostate.

“Oh love I have great news.”, the tevene chimed one day, firmly skipping into the library. I quirked a brow at him, waiting for him to carry on. “We will be going to court. The Inquisition is going to a ball!”, he sang, bobbing up and down on his heels. “No. Don't say anything. I'll teach you to dance, I'll dress you and I'll make sure you come with us. Oh we will look ravishing.” He added quickly, his euphoria summoning a smile upon my face. Seizing my hand, Dorian pulled me out of the library, spinning me friskily. Giggling we both hurried to the office of the ambassador. Dorian starting to discuss the ball with Josephine right away.   
My body had recovered well in the last days, but I was still not in the condition to fight. In this regard they found a suiting task for me: I would be appointed with the scouts once again, but this time my duty was to observe. “The attire for the Inquisition must still be chosen, but the scouts should not be connected to us right away, so they will wear something else.”, Josephine stated and Dorian gleamed at me. “Well Lady Montilyet, if you require assistance to find suiting attire: I volunteer.” Before the ambassador could respond, the tevinter mage pulled me out of the room again. “Okay. Black leather and green highlights. A daring skirt, generous neckline and lots of naked skin. You will look enticing.” We came to a halt when we saw the little group entering the main hall and Ellana skipped toward me. “Aneth ara. Have you already heard of the ball? Are you coming?”, I nodded into her firm embrace and she squeaked in response. I caught a glimpse of Cassandra and Varric who had also returned, before Dorian pulled both of us into another room to discuss what we would be wearing at the ball. 

“Did Solas not return with you?", I asked Ellana silently. She gave me a sympathetic look and shook her head. “His friend was trapped. We went to save her, but it wasn't enough. He left us then, he said he needed time to think.”, was her response at my questioning expression. She told me then how he had dreamed about her crying for help, her being a spirit being summoned and bound by some ignorant mages. The only possible way to end her suffering was to bring her freedom. With that Solas had lost his oldest friend. It was still a strange concept for me, befriending spirits, but then again I felt sorry for him. No matter who or what one lost, pain always came with it.

Ellana and Dorian had quickly pushed the thought aside, pulling and pinching at me, discussing what would suit me best. Somehow they had found a seamstress in between the fussing and after hours of taking measures, they had actually come up with a rather nice sketch for me. The attire was of plain elegance: a tight fitting corset of soft, black leather and underneath a dark green frock, both with a generous neckline. Dark leather breaches and high leather boots, with delicate green embroidery, everything rounded with few shiny silver buckles and studs. The attire of my escort made of the same materials. We would be fitting perfectly into the crowd, looking like the high servants or guards of some ridiculous noble.   
Slowly but surely the talk about different kinds of cloth started to tire me, so I excused myself and slipped away, returning to my bedroom. I had never really thought as much about my clothing as on this afternoon. Nevertheless I was content with the outcome and especially relieved that I could prevent Dorian from sending me half naked to the ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aneth ara: elven greeting (my safe place)


	13. Undisclosed Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what do we have here? Oh yea: smut, smut and more smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claps hands in excitement. This is my first attempt in writing smut hope it's okay. I actually took the liberty to use the text from "Undisclosed Desire", by Muse and listened to it up and down while writing it. I really love this song (lyrics below) and I think the lyrics are really fitting with the Solasmance and I will never be able to listen to it now without having naughty thoughts about Solas *giggles*
> 
> Again I kiss you, hug you and kudos you all back. Thanks so much for reading and liking this.

The next days fell back into my new found routine again. Reading, writing, walking and dragging myself back to my room in the evenings.  
I let out a sigh, dropping into my chair. There was a knock at the door. “Yes?”, I stood to open to whoever was seeking entry. “Solas, come in.”, I said smiling, surprised at his presence. Two weeks had passed since Ellana had returned without him. The hope for his returned had already started to fade, so I was relieved to see him at my door now. The sight of him causing feelings well inside me I had been attempting to bury.   
He sat on the opposite chair, seizing my hand. “You came back.”, I stated surprised. He snorted softly, letting his gaze drop to the floor. “Funny that you would choose the same words as your friend. Well justified I'm afraid.” He caressed my hand tenderly. “I am glad you returned.” He looked at me thankfully. “You are unique in every way. You inspire me...”, his voice trailed away, eyes following the circles he was trailing onto the back of my hand. “But?”, I whispered. “You would not want me if you truly knew me”, he answered, pulling me close, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. He broke the kiss quickly, sitting back and looking away sadly. “Tell me.”, I knew he had suffered, grieving for his friend, but there was more in his eyes. His features slipped slowly back into his formal mask. “Don't hide.”, I pleaded softly. “No, it is not the time for this.”, he answered, the faintest hint of anger vibrating in his voice. “Let me help. Let me see your unmasked face.”, I felt pained at his withdrawal, wanting to sooth his pain. “You can not exorcise the demons from my past.”, he stated sadly, looking deep into my eyes. I trailed a finger along his jawline. “The sins of the past weigh down heavy on all our shoulders.” Solas eyes sparkled, lips tugging into a faint smile.   
He pulled me onto his lap, claiming my lips with his. I clutched his shirt, melting into his embrace. His hot fingers started roaming my body, working their way under my shirt. My hands travelled around his chest, to find purchase at the back of his neck. My breath hitched and I hesitated a moment when he brushed the side of my breast. “Solas ... you must know that...I never...”, He paused for a moment. “Do you wish me to stop?” I turned to straddle his lap in response, desire already pulsing through my body. He pulled me back to a kiss, humming against my flesh. “You may be a sinner...”, he growled, pulling off my shirt. The mage trailed hot kisses down my throat, over my collarbone to the soft flesh of my breasts.  
His hands seemed to be all over me, lips nipping at my skin, leaving a trail of sweet electricity. I circled my arms around his neck again, fingers stroking his bare scalp. He was quick with removing my breast band and I used the moment to pull his shirt over his head. “...but...” He purred into my skin, forcing a shaky gasp from my throat. I let my fingers trail over the lithe muscles of his upper body, marvelling at his lean chest and broad shoulders. He looked divine in the flickering light of the fire, a mischievous glint in his eyes. When my fingers slowly started trailing down to his breaches, he grabbed me, hooking my legs around his waist and placing us on the bed. “Your innocence is mine ”, he breathed into my ear, before peppering my face with hot kisses. I pulled his gaze to meet mine and claimed his lips, seeking entrance with my tongue. His hands trailed along my sides, caressing the outside of my thighs, before slowly moving inwards.   
The heat in my body started gathering in my core, causing me to shiver. Solas shifted his weight, rubbing his hardened member along my inner thigh, closer to my slickness. As if coming to his senses, Solas retreated slightly. “Are you certain?”, I pulled him close again in response, attempting to spark his desire again. “Please me, Solas. Show me how it's done.” It was all it took for him to lose control again. “Trust me vhenan. I will.” He trailed sparking kisses across my stomach, sweetly getting closer to the knot of tension that had built within me.   
His lips explored the inside of my thighs, reached my mound, but kept teasing. The sweet torture made me arch my back, straining for more. Slowly he pushed his tongue between my hot folds, circling the pleading bud, never directly touching. “Dreadwolf take me.”, escaped my lungs in a gasp. “Yes”, Solas hissed into my flesh, lapping hungrily now and inserting a careful finger into my insides. He hit a spot, sparking every nerve within me, causing me to moan from the glorious torment.   
I grabbed the bedding for purchase, coming closer to the edge every second. He reined his swirling tongue and slowly trailed his fingers back up my body. I huffed in disappointment at the lack of his hot tongue. The mage sat back, his eyes burning with lust, scanning my writhing body, while he slowly shifted out of his own breaches. I watched him hungrily as he revealed more of his marvellous body. He bent down low, mouth and tongue trailing across my skin, finding their way back to my lips. Solas engaged them with relishing kisses, causing me to whimper, the tension between my legs almost unbearable.   
He spread my legs softly, lifting my waist slightly. I felt his throbbing tip slowly caressing my wet slit, before he started pushing inside carefully. Moaning at the sensation I bucked my hips, demanding more of him. Solas obliged, gently pushing his entire length inside me, releasing a shuddering breath. “I will satisfy every desire buried deep within you.”, he promised in a husky voice when I clenched around his sheathed length. Lifting my waist a little more, he started slowly thrusting into me, taking his time, dragging the movements out. I was coming close to the edge quickly. Noticing my quickening breaths his fingers returned, swirling around my swollen bud, causing the candied tension to grow even more. I moaned loudly, the throbbing desire within me was maddening. “Open your eyes vhenan. I want to see your sweet release.”, he growled with a wicked expression.   
His hand moved to my upper back, pulling me upright to face him. “Come for me.”, he whispered, scanning my features. The tense knot in my insides exploded, washing through my limbs, making me tremble with every part of my body. I clenched around his girth, while he kept his rhythmic thrusts, getting close now himself. My eyes rolled back in ecstasy, letting my head drop backwards. I moaned loudly when Solas lunged at me then, pressing me back onto the bed, his movements becoming quicker. I felt the burning desire building faster this time. A deep moan filled the room when Solas length began pulsing in my insides, causing me to come undone once again. The thrusts slowed again, gently riding the subsiding waves of both our climaxes.   
He lay himself next to me on the mattress, placing my head on his shoulder. I tilted my head to see his face. He had cast his normally so stoic mask aside and glanced at me warmly. I caressed his lean chest, thinking about the evening. “Sins can be forgiven.”, I whispered, being pulled closer into a tender kiss in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vhenan: heart, elven endearment
> 
>  
> 
> I know you've suffered  
> But I don't want you to hide  
> It's cold and loveless  
> I won't let you be denied
> 
> Soothing, I'll make you feel pure  
> Trust me, you can be sure
> 
> I want to reconcile the violence in your heart  
> I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask  
> I want to exorcise the demons from your past  
> I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
> 
> You trick your lovers  
> That you're wicked and divine  
> You may be a sinner  
> But your innocence is mine
> 
> Please me, show me how it's done  
> Tease me, you are the one
> 
> I want to reconcile the violence in your heart  
> I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask  
> I want to exorcise the demons from your past  
> I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart
> 
> Please me, show me how it's done  
> Trust me, you are the one
> 
> I want to reconcile the violence in your heart  
> I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask  
> I want to exorcise the demons from your past  
> I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart


	14. Regaining routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, next chapters will be quicker. Some light reading, a little tavern action before shit gets real. A little pun I had to put in there, for all the Mass Effect fans :P  
> As always thanks for reading and leaving kudos. Wonderful days to you all <3

I scrambled over the sleeping mage, pulling on a loose shirt and simple breaches. Testing my freshly recovered muscles, I started flexing and stretching my limbs. It was high time to get myself in a fighting condition again. Delicate fingers interrupted my exercise and snaked their way around my exposed middle.  
I let my upper body drop gently against the broad chest behind me, hands caressing his. “Do you have duties today emm'asha?”, Solas whispered into my ear, his breath giving me goosebumps. “I was planning to take up training again today.” The mage nodded into my shoulder, giving it a soft kiss before he turned to pull on his clothes.  
The cool mountain air banished the remainders of the night, the young light of day illuminating the courtyard. Recruits were already gathering in the training grounds, stretching and warming themselves up for the exercise. “Bonjour petite dame.” Jean greeted me, a happy smile playing around his lips as he sauntered over to me. “Good to see you training again.” I beamed at his words, happy to see the familiar face. The reading and writing lessons had kept me from visiting the yard in the past days. “ 'ere a bow. It is not as good as your last one but it will suffice for training, yes?” Squeezing his arm in thanks, I shouldered the bow and resumed my warm up.  
The training went rather well, although the muscle in my thigh gave in a few times while jogging along the ramparts, sending me flying face forward. Although I wasn't in pain any more, I was still not ready to lunge into the next battle. We started with basic melee combat exercises, recapitulating accustomed figures, always careful not to push the fresh muscles to the brink.  
“Perfect. You did very well. Come to the tavern with me this evening to celebrate your recovery?” I nodded, still relieved that it had worked out so well. We said our goodbye then and I sauntered off. When I was finished soaking in a hot bath, I picked up lunch in the kitchen and headed towards Solas' rotunda.  
Dropping the tray on his desk I rushed upstairs, every movement observed by the elfs' startled gaze.  
“You're late sweetheart. Less bathing, more reading.”, Dorian mock chided, already waving a book in front of my face. I rolled my eyes at him, already leaving the library again. “No naughty things around my books you two. If I find any stains in there you will feel my wrath.” The tevene had bent over the banister, watching me from above. “Do you really think Solas would allow a precious book to be spoiled?”, I quipped back up with a wicked grin. “Hey. I am right here.” Solas stated huffing a little, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips nevertheless. I winked at him, pulling a spare chair to his desk and gestured to the food. “Thought you might want some too.”  
The elfs' eyes darted between his papers and the food, weighing the hunger with his interest in his scripts. The food won for the moment and he started filing things away, securing it from the food. I giggled slightly at him confirming the previous quip. His startled gaze turned into amusement and he rolled his eyes when he realized why I was laughing.  
Noshing some fruits I opened the book on my lap and started reading. It was still a slow process of figuring out what the text was on about, but nonetheless I had approved a lot in the past weeks, hardly moving my lips any more while reading. “What are yo reading?”, Solas asked, straining a little to catch a glimpse. I tilted the book slightly for him, so he could see the cover. “Something about Pyramids and Par Vollen.” The mage quirked a brow. “Interesting choice. I would have guessed you were more interested in elven culture than the Qunari homeland.” He stated, focusing back on his meat. “Hm well it is quite fascinating. Dorian picked it for me....”, my voice trailed away. I hadn't told Solas the tevene had been teaching me to read.  
I busied myself with the next paragraph, attempting to let the subject drop. The mage looked at me in question. “I can help you if you like. I can give you tomes written in elven, if you would like to further your reading skills also on that behalf.” Solas suggested in a business like voice. My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Was it that obvious? I looked up to the moustached tevene leaning at the banister of the library. Catching sight of my irritation he responded with an innocent face, fanning his hands out in front of him. Oh this gossip, I thought. I cleared my throat and set the book aside, the proposition didn't sound too bad. “Actually I think I'd like that.”  
After I had returned the tray to the kitchen, Solas led me to one of the lower floors. He lit the candles with a flick of his hands, enlightening the dusty room with a warm glow.  
Searching the shelves, Solas stroked lovingly over the old leather covers, leaving faint patterns in the soot. He let a small book drop onto the table, huffs of dirt filled the air and sparkling in the dim light. The gleam twirled around us when I plucked the tome off the table and blew the remaining dirt away.  
I placed myself on the floor next to Solas, delicate fingers tracing the soft patterns engraved in the leather bindings. It was a beautiful book, dark reddened leather with tendriled forms snaking their way across the material. This little library seemed so incredibly old, still the books were in surprisingly good shape. How was this possible, if this library was already as old as the fortress, these tomes would have been hundreds of years old. Was this some kind of magic?  
Solas voice pulled those thoughts away from me, the movement of his delicate lips hypnotizing me. I had to concentrate, he was trying to teach me something after all. Maybe it hadn't been the best decision to agree to his offer, he was so distracting. No the elf was a great teacher, very patient, it was a good decision to let him help me, if only those lips weren't so... I concentrated on the letters, thank the creators the writing was engaging enough to keep my traitorous eyes from wandering.  
“How come you of all people chose a book about the elven pantheon?” He smirked at me wickedly. “It is rather diverting to read those tales from time to time.” I hummed, tracing a finger along the adorned leather binding of the book. “What other stories does it contain?” I was curious, we had started with a few paragraphs of the first chapter and it was the tale of Ghila'nains' uprising to godhood. “Oh many things. Something about every member of the pantheon. I figure most are already familiar to you.” I nodded, thinking back to the evenings when the keeper had taught us the lore. “Which is you favourite tale?” He added as he pulled me onto his lap. Thinking about it I watched his gaze wander across my face. “The slow arrow I guess.” Solas eyes flashed intrigued, an appreciating hum vibrated in his chest.  
“Deshanna hated it. It doesn't show the Dreadwolf as the pure evil as she wanted us to see him. He had to make a decision. His choice was less out of malice, but desperation. It makes him more real, more human I guess, if that even makes sense.” I looked at Solas, shrugging. “Yes. I understand, vhenan.” He pulled me closer, pressing a kiss to my forehead and I could feel his lips curling into a smile on my skin. “What would you have done in his situation?” My hands travelled along his jawline, thinking about his question. Tricky. What would one do when facing a threat that would most likely kill you? “I would.... have left out the snarky comment.”, I answered giggling. Solas snorted in reply, his lips tracing my cheekbone tenderly, my thoughts still engaged with his question. What would I have done? It was definitely due to the Dreadwolfs' wits that he didn't throw his life away, but that was what turned him into the feared trickster wasn't it? Although sacrificing himself would not have made any sense if the village wasn't saved. I would have given my life readily for Ellana, knowing that she would be able to end this madness. Would it be wiser to tackle the overwhelming enemy? Only if I knew that the problem could be solved though the sacrifice.  
My head started buzzing and spinning, the more I thought about it. I snapped back into the present, eyes focusing onto the mage beneath me.  
“It's late already. I promised Jean to meet him at the tavern tonight.” I remembered, quickly scrambling off the mages' lap. “Care to join us?” Solas shook his head hesitantly. “Maybe I will join you later.” Was his not very convincing response, so I pressed a promising kiss to his lips. “Okay. You know where to find me.”, I called over my shoulder teasingly, while leaving with swaying hips. The way he was watching me I was fairly certain he would show up at some point.

 

“Greetings to your little group. Will you sing with me again tonight?” The bard questioned as we entered the tavern. Oh creators it was the same bard as in the Gull and Lantern. Ignoring the flash of pink painting my cheeks, I shrugged with a grin and rushed to help Varric with the ale. Jean had already been waiting for me and was relocating tables and chairs so we could all sit together. Bull as well as the commander accompanied us later, exchanging funny anecdotes with Varric. The later it got and the more ale was downed, the closer Dorian and Jean seemed to have gotten. Somehow we had managed to persuade Cullen to stay for more than one drink and it was slowly showing effect on him. Bull and the blond man started playing truth or dare and I watched with some amusement. Most of the “dare” - assignments containing lot's of alcohol, causing Cullen be more an more confident in fulfilling his tasks. Their game earned me a scratchy kiss on the cheek, three more jugs of ale and a messy braid in my hair. The origin of my hairdo was in a “truth task”, when Bull asked the commander if he was able to do braids. When he confirmed this, of course the chief of the chargers wanted to see proof. I was certain I would never get to see anything better than a tipsy commander standing next to me and fumbling my hair into form.  
Cullen cleared his throat after a while, seeking the attention of the audience. Luckily for the commander, most people had already left the tavern, when he climbed onto the table.“I am commander Cullen and this is my favourite place in Skyhold.”, he exclaimed curtsying. Yes, the man with the broad plated shoulders actually curtsied and it was hilarious. Our table screamed with laughter, everybody except the teven and the orlesian within our midst.  
Dorian and Jean were sitting at the table, heads inclined toward each other and strangely oblivious to our debauchery. Interesting. “So Jean, what do you think of Tevinter?” I asked after a while, causing the man to shoot upright, as if caught with something forbidden. Dorian rolled his eyes at me a light flush creeping up his neck. “Well Tevinter does seem to have some objects of interest.” The orlesian stated with a wink, heat reddening Dorians' entire face. The whole table burst into laughter now, Bull whooping and telling them to get a room.  
We called it a night soon, Dorian and Jean already having vanished at some point so I made my way back to the main building together with Varric, both swaying slightly. “Next time we really need to get your elfy lover in the tavern with us. I've been trying to figure chuckles, totally wasted in a tavern, since the first time I saw him. Just imagine him dancing and slurring something about your butt.” I giggled at his words and the picture forming in my head. Yes that would be something.  
Wishing the dwarf a good night I stomped into the rotunda and found a sleeping Solas. Softly I stroked the back of his head, to wake him up. Mumbling sleepily, he slowly straitened his back and blinked at me in confusion. He stifled a yawn, while I pulled him to his feet and towards the stairs. I shoved him into his bed and kissed him goodnight. Sleepy fingers stopped me from leaving, pulling me back to the bed. I giggled stumbling into the cushions and was momentarily enclosed in lean arms, pressed against Solas' warm body. Content with the proximity I curled myself into his embrace and drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what would you have done? This is a hard question, I thought about it very long and honestly I don't know. Would be interesting on what you think about this.
> 
>  
> 
> emm'asha: my girl
> 
> bonjour: good day  
> petite dame: little lady


	15. Dance Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inner circle starts with dancing lessons and of course one must practice the newly learned.
> 
> Another more light chapter on the Dragon Age boat, but I'm afraid the angsty - iceberg is getting closer.  
> I actually noticed that this tavern action is getting a little out of hand, but well I figure in this medieval-ish setting is not too much to do when it's already dark outside. 
> 
> Also contains smut, but it's marked with the -v- so feel free to skip it. :)
> 
> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and accompanying me with my first steps in writing. Makes me so happy that people actually like it. <3

“I beg your pardon Inquisitor? You must be joking.” Lady Vivienne stated. “No Vivienne we are travelling to Crestwood and you will accompany us.” Ellana returned sincerely. “Oh no. You will not drag me there. I have already been there once, it was raining for days. Ha. Take the hobo apostate he doesn't have any attire to ruin.” Madame de Fer retorted, inclining her chin in Solas' direction. Dorian and me desperately hiding our sniggers as the enchantress glared at the Inquisitor. “Vivienne why don't we go somewhere else to discuss this matter?” Ellana proposed. Oh I knew this tone. Our Inquisitor might look fragile and sweet with her blonde curls and big blue eyes but she could be very convincing. Chin raised up high, she presented her best “scalding keeper” voice. Vivienne had royally fucked up, so much was clear. They rushed outside and both Dorian and me concentrated back on our breakfast, equally disappointed not being able to watch the cat fight.  
“So sweetheart, why don't you skip training and reading today and have some fun?” Dorian asked, looking at me with an encouraging expression. Oh no this sounded bad. “What exactly do you have in mind?” I eyed him curiously. “Well the ball is coming nearer and nearer love. You need to be prepared.” Still I had no idea what he was on about and raised an eyebrow in question. “Oh love.” Dorian huffed, seizing my wrist and pulling me away, gesturing Solas and Jean - the only ones left at the table - to follow. The tevene led us into the tavern, already instructing Bull to shift the tables and Mariden to play music.  
“Dancing, little dove.” Dorian exclaimed, doing a quick pirouette, before seizing my hand to swirl me around. The others sat down, watching us with interest, while Dorian pushed and pulled me through the room. I felt like a druffalo, mirroring the tevenes frown. “Argh sweetie. Tension. Chin up. Shoulders back. Light touch of hands. Don't cling to me as for dear life, you will certainly not die from dancing.” He instructed me, already getting impatient. It was no surprise, he was a noble man he had probably learned dancing even before he could walk, while I was roaming through copse searching for food nearly all my life. “Okay, wait let me show you. Any volunteers?” Dorian said, gaze roaming over the attending people. A crowd had gathered around us, watching eagerly. “Oh lady Montilyet, do me the honor, would you?” The tevene proposed, reaching for Josephines' hand. “It would be a pleasure ser Pavus.” She answered as she let herself glide onto the dance floor, her hand lightly hovering over Dorians'. They floated over the ground, showing off complex figures, swirling, gaining distance and closing it again. Whatever they did, it looked magnificent, I strained to keep any of the steps, but they were too quick.  
Solas ripped me out of my amazement, asking me for the dance. Hesitantly I accepted, struggling to be as dainty as the other couple, of course failing completely, causing me to tense up even more. “Let me guide you. Relax. Imagine training with your daggers.” The elf told me with a soft voice. Okay well I could work with that. I let out a breath and loosened my tensed muscles, allowing Solas to take the lead completely. We moved around the room swiftly, earning a whistle from Iron Bull. How could I have ever faltered in doing this, this was easy. Wonderful. I might have felt like a druffalo before, now I felt like a feather. Laughter came bubbling up, when Solas started whirling me around at a faster pace, the figures coming naturally to me with his guidance.  
“Well now that is dancing. I didn't expect you of all people to be capable of such art, Solas. Very good.”, the appreciating voice of Dorian rang through the tavern. I watched the elfs' features in the dim light, a content smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He looked so confident, as if he had never done anything else than float through a ballroom. Our eyes locked, his grey gaze hypnotizing me. The tune changed and with it our pace, now slowly, bodies flush. The air around us seemed to shift, the people and noise fading, sealing us away from the world. Nothing else mattered in this moment. Solas whirled me around one last time, before we came to a stop and back into reality. “Ma'nehn.”, the elf whispered, bowing before he retreated.  
We took turns in dancing then, the room not quite large enough for more than one couple.  
Dorian was an unrelenting teacher, resuming the lessons directly after lunch. It was tiring but the hours went by quickly enough, having a lot of fun, especially when Bull and Varric started to dance together. “One must be able to dance with people of any size without crushing them”, was what Dorian had said. Well, I guess he was probably right but the sight was ridiculous. The qunari was carefully maneuvering Varric across the dance floor, his face scrunched in concentration, while the dwarf had to stay on tiptoes. Even Cabot the bartender watched with a faint smile on his lips.  
When Dorian was finally satisfied for the day we retired to a table near the bar. Surprisingly even Solas stayed in the tavern this evening, accompanying those left who where Varric, Iron Bull, Dorian and Jean. Although I highly expected the tevene and orlesian to vanish early again. “So Bunny, how come you couldn't dance before? I thought you elfs dance naked under the stars every night? At leas that's what they say.” Bull addressed me a few rounds of ale later. “Oh I can dance. We're just not as uptight and restricted as nobles seem to be.” I answered maybe a little too enthusiastically, throwing a side glance at Dorian. “Oh yes we already saw that in Redcliffe, right baldy?”, the tevene sniggered, winking at Solas. “Oh no, do not involve me in this. I saw nothing.” My brows shot up in surprise. “Nothing huh?” I stated dryly. The ale slowly reaching my head, I jumped to my feet. “So you didn't see this?” I questioned the other elf, rolling my hip slowly, earning whoops and cheers from our companions. Dorian got to his feet as well. “Also I remember this.”, he added, raising his arms over his head and flicking his own hip seductively. “Now this looks promising. More ale and music.” Bulls voice boomed through the tavern, vibrating from his chuckles. Solas watched my movements, mischief glinting in his eyes. Varric, infected by the enthusiastic dancing, also started showing off his moves. More claps and cheers erupted from our group, when Dorian pulled Jean to his feet.  
Solas and Bull stayed seated, watching us with a fair amount of amusement. I swirled my lower half in slow circles, snaking my arms around my body, while Dorian attempted to mimic my movements. The other elfs' view was transfixed on my every move, firmly undressing me with his eyes. In normal conditions I would have blushed violently. The dwarf jumped onto the table and seizing my hand he swirled me on the spot, while Bull caught a bar maid, also pulling her close to dance. “Good to see results from my lessons.” Dorian chuckled at the frivolous sight. 

“Maybe we should take our leave now?”, Solas purred into my ear after a while, in a tone that caused my movements to falter. I scanned the wicked glint in his eyes and batted my lashes at him. “Maybe.” Waving at Dorian, who was closely whispering with Jean now, I followed the other elf into the cold night. Varric and Bull had already passed out some time ago, snoring contently on the table. The moon had set, the sleeping fortress only lit by the light of the stars and a few scattered torches.

-v-

As soon as we entered the main hall, my escort seized me by the waist, maneuvering me into a dark corner. Stifling my gasp with a hungry kiss, his hands began roaming, immediately setting my body aflame. He regained control quickly, pulling - giggling me - further towards the bedrooms. Solas trapped me against his wooden door, hot lips travelling across my body again and I reached for the door knob, causing both to stagger into darkness without breaking the kiss. Slamming the door shut with my foot, I pushed my lover on the bed to straddle his lap. He groaned into my mouth and started pulling off my clothes without hesitation. Ridding him of his breaches I crawled back to my previous location, brushing his pulsing member lightly with my lips, forcing another groan from the man underneath me. I stroked the smooth skin of his length tenderly with my fingers and licked his pink tip. Content with the arching and moaning I summoned from him, I enclosed his girth with the wetness of my mouth, receiving another sweet gasp as response. His reaction echoed through my body, spawning even more wetness between my thighs. I began moving up and down his length with both my mouth and my hand, my swirling tongue eager to bring him pleasure. My core began throbbing rhythmically with his as I felt him getting close, his breaths ragged and the pulsing intensifying. A loud groan accompanied his release spilling into my mouth. He arched his back and thrust into me, while I slowed my movements, tasting the entirety of his climax.  
Solas pulled me up to meet his lips, his juices still flavouring mine. Without breaking the kiss his fingers trailed down to my longing core, swirling and adding sweet pressure in just the right spots. Every movement caused me to moan louder into his mouth, as I clung to his shoulders, until he let me topple over the edge without hesitation. My climax had not yet subsided when he was on top of me again, his member already hard again and seeking entrance. Solas' burning lips trailed along my throat, nipping softly at the skin, fingers massaging my breasts and pinching my nipples. My fingernails dug into the flesh of his shoulders, seeking purchase at the quickening thrusts and the swiftly approaching peak. We came together and I moaned loudly as the mage bit down on my shoulder, sucking slightly. Solas collapsed at my side, pressing soft kisses to my forehead as he pulled a blanket around our sweaty bodies. 

-v-

Dorian taught us more dances the following afternoons and included the mannerisms of court in his lessons. The basic behaviour itself was rather easy and I would have Jean as an escort anyway, with him as a perfect gentleman I wouldn't have any problems. If only there wasn't this “game” as they all called it. I could almost picture myself slapping some noble douche across the face instead of turning him down in the same passive aggressive way Vivienne would. What if I started a war because of that? Oh Dreadwolf what was I thinking when I accepted to visit the ball...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You remember your first dance with your crush?
> 
>  
> 
> Ma'nehn: My joy / my pleasure


	16. Birthday Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a really spontaneous and rushed chapter. Hope it's not too bad. Well see it as a Birthday gift to you all :P  
> Wish you all a really really lovely evening, go drink and dance and eat cake. Kisses to everyone :)

I leaned against the banister of the balcony above the garden. Stretching I breathed in the cool air of the morning. The rosy dawn still caressed the grey fortifications, birds were chirping and the wind carried the delicious smell of freshly baked bread. A door shuffled behind me and somebody squealed with delight, causing me to turn curiously. “Feliz Cumpleanos! The very best wished to your nameday miss Etain.” Josephine exclaimed excitedly, already pulling me into her room. Oh yes of course, I had totally forgotten about that with everything that had recently happened. It was my birthday and Ellana had actually thought of it, so sweet of her. Lady Montyliet led me into another room, a huge bath tub at its' centre. It was filled to the brim with steaming water, colourful petals floating across its' surface, an intoxicating sweet scent emanating from them. “Take all the time you need to get ready, Misha and Lorina here will be waiting outside to help you with the rest.” Josephine announced and scurried out of the room. The servant curtsied at her words and closed the door behind me, so I had some privacy while bathing.   
Sighing I sank into the warm water, my fingers stroking a soft rose petal, my thoughts drifting off while my entire body relaxed. “Are you comfortable mylady, do you need something?” A quiet knock and an even quieter voice sounded through the door. “No I'm fine I'll be finished in a minute.” Forcing my mind to focus again, I finished with my bath, wrapped a towel around me and returned to Josephines' bedroom. The two girls stood alert in front of a mound of ruffles, ready for orders. “You don't have to do my hair for me.” They both shook their heads simultaneously. “No no mylady. It's a name day gift from Lady Montyliet. You are to relax and let us do everything else. That's what she said. Yes.” One of them said, firmly tripping over her own tongue. “Well all right then, but forget the courtesy. I'm just a normal girl like you two. Spare the abjection for a real lady.” I answered with a wink, seeing the both relaxing at once as they presented faint smiles. I was steered into a cushioned chair, and Misha and Lorina started treating me right away, the one fiddling with my hair, the other with my face. It seemed Misha was a mage for she dried my hair in no time and even added a little shine to my fingernails. What a sweet way of using magic and how useless, I thought sarcastically. What is she were out in the Hinterlands and stumbled across a bear? Would a bear flee at the sight of sparkling fingernails? I smirked at the thought, directly earning a hiss from Lorina who was currently painting my lips.  
Thank the creators they were finished quickly, leaving me with a face that felt as if she had plastered it with soot and let it dry. Of course I was familiar with make up. I used kohl to frame my eyes myself and on good days I would even paint my lips, but all these powders and liquids that had been rubbed into my face, were completely new to me.  
They handed me a flowing gown, a plain green dress and thin black mantle on top. Quickly I changed my attire and stepped in front of a mirror. Wow. My delicately painted face gaped back at me, scanning my neatly braided hair and the wonderful dress. The two girls behind me seemed rather pleased with the result themselves, grinning and nodding enthusiastically. “This is wonderful, thank you so much. You did great work.” I beamed at them, fondly stroking over the material of my gown. If Solas would like it? Stepping out of the room, I let my gaze wonder to the garden for a brief moment. The sun was shining proudly from its' highest point. Creators we had spent the whole morning in the ambassadors' room? Holy halla crap, what a waste of time, I thought smirking.   
When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I spotted Solas in the garden, watching some birds. Clearing my throat I approached him. “Hey, don't have any scripts to study today?” - “No, I … eeh..” The elfs' voice failed when he turned, causing me to blush and tilt my face from his gaze. Quickly the mage coughed, regaining his composure. “You look fabulous as always, mylady, best wishes for your name day. May your future days be filled with love and joy.” He stated, bowing low. “I was appointed to escort mylady. Follow me if you please.” Solas added with a handsome smirk, offering me his arm. I curtsied politely, and we started moving towards the main building. “Solas do tell me, what's going on here? Will there be a feast? A party? Tee? Frilly cakes?” It bubbled from my mouth, my traitorous mouth overwhelmed by curiosity. The mage only shook his head, suppressing a chuckle.  
After what felt like ages, we had crossed the yard, left the main hall and stepped down the stairs to a lower floor. I could already hear hushed voices and clearly Dorian giggling like a lunatic. Anticipation tingled through my body when I turned around the corner, following the noise. My jaw dropped at the sight and my grip around Solas' arm tightened. The room that had normally been completely empty except for some statues and paintings, was filled with people, all gathered around a big table. An enormous cake was centred on its' surface and colourful magic lights floated around the room, enlightening the engarlanded walls and ceiling. Cheers and claps greeted me, together with shouts of “Fortuna dies natalis! - Feliz Cumpleanos! - Bonne Fete! And Happy Birthday!” Solas squeezed my hand slightly, seeing I was moved to tears. It was overwhelming. We did celebrate birthdays in the clan but never in this extent, we just didn't have the means for things like that. Although of course my birthdays were always kept small, mostly only Ellana and me walking through the forest at night. “I don't even know what to say. Thank you so much.” I sniffled at the group before me, a big “awe” erupting from them. Ellana was first to rush forward, closely followed by Dorian, congratulating me. Varric and Bull had come too, as well as Jean and the three advisers of the Inquisitor. Each pressed a little package into my hand and as soon as the congratulations were done with, they all insisted that I opened them right away.   
I plucked a small brocade pouch from the table, a small card was attached to it.

Dear Etain,

I wish you all the best.  
Something you can wear at the ball.

Love  
Dorian and Ellana

I strained to read the curved writing, but I managed and pulled the fastenings of the bag open. A delicate silver bracelet and a matching necklace slid into my hands. Dark stone imbedded in the shining material. This had to be invaluable. Thanking them both with a hug, I swallowed fighting the newly building lump in my throat. “Okay mine's next, Bunny!”, Bull exclaimed cheerfully, handing me a sloppy wrapped package that looked ominously like a dagger. “Oh I wonder what's in there.” I announced cheekily, causing Iron Bull to snort. It was in fact a dagger. Two thin blades made of silver metal, worked into a slightly curved hilt. It fit perfectly into the form of my hand, exquisitely balanced, and rapped in exquisite leather. I brushed across the delicate ivory ornaments, snaking around the metal and also across the darkened leather of the sheath. “Wow Bull this is beautiful.” He winked at me. “Yeah thought you would like it.”   
I picked another present from the table before me, it contained a book, okay so this was probably Varrics'. I turned it around to see the cover. “Loss and Debauchery” Oh Dreadwolf, no. “You might know I'm planning to write a book about all this and these are just some of the scenes I have finished already. Go on look inside there's a chapter about you as well.” The dwarf told me, smirking. I did as I was told and flipped the cover open.

Dear Etain,

Hope you don't mind I took you and Solas as inspiration for the smutty parts, but the people of Thedas want to read about frolicking elves. Believe me.

Enjoy

Varric Tethras

PS: Chapter 7 is the one about you.

 

My eyes grew wide, as my fingers slowly crept along the pages, searching for the mentioned chapter. The moon was shining …. they danced along to the tune of the waves, worshipping life and their gods, skin on skin …. My head went bright red in an instant. What in the fade... “Varric this is completely made up. Why on earth would we be covered in mud or cry “Elgar'nans wrath”, that makes no sense!” Solas huffed at my words, trying to snatch the book out of my hands, but I was quicker. No I wouldn't let anybody read that. “Come on kitten, that's called poetic licence, everything else would be plain boring.” I swallowed my shock, placing the book on my chair to sit on it, to secure it from curious eyes.   
“I thought this would be best after your old one was ripped apart in 'aven and the commander was so kind and help me with it, or else I couldn't 'ave afforded it.” Inclining my head slightly at them both, I slid off the lid, bringing out a marvellous dark leather armour with shiny metal plates worked into the material. Everything was there, cuirass, breaches, boots, gauntlets, bracers, belt. It was made almost the same way as my old armour, only the metal work added and a few more spots to hide and fasten knives. “You are crazy. All of you. You must have spent half a fortune on all this.” Simultaneously the small group started huffing and waving it off, but I could not entirely keep me from feeling a little bad.   
Soon the cake and other food was almost eaten up, the ale all emptied and we relocated to transfer the party to the tavern. We had reached the yard when Solas stopped me. “I have not yet given you my present.” My eyebrows raised in surprise, I hadn't lost one thought about it. “It might not be as valuable as your other gifts, but it is from a ruin I visited a long time ago. A ring to worship the gods, to be more specific: Fen'harel. If one is to believe the markings it is bestowed with his blessing and I assume high priests of his temple would have worn it.” He let a black metal band glide into my hand, delicate writing covered the shimmering surface, small red gems marking the end of a word. At least that was what I supposed, the letters weren't even faintly familiar to me, even though I practised reading every day. Strange. “Thank you. It's wonderful.” I answered honestly. It warmed my heart that Solas had put so much thought into it and especially fully accepting my beliefs with his gift. Not even Ellana was completely tolerating that I worshipped the Dreadwolf. The mage brushed a tear from my cheek and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.


	17. Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh I'm kinda exited about this chapter dunno why, feedback would be great, would love to see if you like this one.  
> So well don't even know what else to say, this is quite intense I guess. It delevoped from this little headcanon I had and I really, really hope that this chapter will have the effect I intended. Not telling you more now, just one name: Zevran  
> Maybe as a little side note in case it might not be clear: the cursive parts are just some memories blending in, not necessarily always from the same person though. I just thought it makes it all a little more dramatic and would maybe explain Etains' reaction a little better?  
> Whoops, I just noticed that the parts which were supposed to be cursive weren't. Sorry, this must have been totally confusing, but it's edited now. :)  
> Okay then, thanks to all of your support, comments and kudos. It is really fun to write this and even more fun when you see that people actually enjoy your ideas. Kisses <3

“Aneth ara. I want you to meet Alistair. He is a Warden and will help us with our investigation. He fought with the Hero of Ferelden” Ellana interrupted our dance lessons one afternoon. We inclined our heads one by one in greeting. “Alistair Theirin and yes I did. I would still if she hadn't left to investigate herself.” He added, bowing slightly. “Why don't we sit, my old bones need to rest.” Hawke piped in, already gripping Varrics shoulders to the chair next to him, while the warden eyed me curiously. Most people excused themselves and before I could do the same, Ellana pulled me with her. “The _Hero of Ferelden_. Isn't that exciting?”, she whispered. 

Ellana was five years older than me, which meant she had witnessed the blight in a completely different way than me and had been in love with the heroic tales from the first moment on. I on the other hand had been a little too young to be as enthusiastic as her, especially as the keeper had done her best to keep the terror rolling over Fereldan at the time away from the younger ones. The Inquisitor listened eagerly, as the warden told stories of his former companions and I had to admit that it all sounded rather spectacular. Ellana kept poking me and wiggling her eyebrows every time something interesting came up. I couldn't suppress my smirk, seeing Ellana behave like a child pleading for more and more stories from her hahren. “Well, we're not that special, right? You fixed a hole in the sky after all, we just did our jobs. You cause miracles.” The inquisitor blushed fiercely at his words, humbly brushing his words aside with a gesture. Sweet, modest Ellana, she had saved us three times already and still acted as if it was no big deal. Smiling at her I patted her arm reassuringly.

Attempting to hide her slight embarrassment, she let the warden and the champion pick up their own conversation and turned towards me. “ Okay different subject now: I didn't have time to ask yet, but I need details - you and Solas. Is it serious? Are you in love?” He eyes sparkled with glee as she stretched the last word unnecessary long. Was  _it_ ? Was  _I_ ? “I don't really know. Maybe. We didn't really talk about it.”, Was my honest answer. I enjoyed spending time with him and there was this mysterious side about him that both intrigued and horrified me. It was so confusing  \- You wouldn't want me if you really knew me - He had said. How awful could these secrets possibly be? Could someone that seemed so gentle have such a gruesome past? 

I sighed, it was not the time to think about those things now. This was something for a future without numerous threats luring around every corner. Time for me to change the subject: “What about you? The commander maybe? He's a charming man, very handsome. Wouldn't you want him to command your...” Ellanas' hand was pinned to my mouth, accompanied with a choking sound. “Noooo. He's the commander of my troops.” I wiggled my brows suggestively, my lips still firmly sealed and her eyes grew wide guessing what I was thinking. “You are impossible! Yes he is very appealing and polite, but it would be awkward. Creators what would Deshanna say, if she heard this. No he is not an option, don't be silly.”, She stated quickly, her frown curling into a smile. I plucked the hand from my mouth gaping at my friend. “Dreadwolf take you little liar. You like him.” Giggling excitedly I squeezed her as she started huffing, trying to negate it. Ha no, she couldn't fool me. The perfect first of clan Lavellan was attracted to not only a shemlen but also a templar. Scandalous! Oh the look on Deshannas face if she ever found out. “Okay, okay I like him, but I don't want to be involved with someone, at least not at this point. Hush now.” Ellana whispered, eager to let the subject drop. The light banter carried on for a while, including the entire table again, while Hawke and Alistair downed ale as if it was their first time in years.

 

“Hey you really remind me of someone? Where do you come from?” Alistair blurted after a while, scanning my features. “I'm from clan Lavellan too, we were mostly in the Free Marches.” I answered, raising my brows in surprise. “Hmmm I can't really pin point it, but your mimic is so familiar. Let me think...”, The warden mumbled. I watched him closely, slightly intrigued by whatever he had in mind. Could he have met my mother at some point?

“Huh I know! You look like this guy that travelled with us. Maybe it's my imagination, but when you laugh you look just like him. He tried to assassinate Adrianne but she convinced him to ally with us.” Hawke looked at the warden in surprise. “What? Ally with an assassin? That sounds like an interesting story, do tell.” And off he went, talking about how they were ambushed by an elf and ended up with him in their party.

_Antivan_ elf he had said. He couldn't... no it was not possible.  _The same smile –_ my mothers' voice echoed through my head.  _From Antiva_ – the memory of Deshannas' voice added.

A knot of emotions started forming in my chest. It might be coincidence. “Who?”, it only came as a croaking whisper. “Zevran, an Antivan Crow.”  _The Crows killed your mother._

Hawke reached for my chin to examine my features. “Now that you say it. I've met Zevran once, you're right. Varric look!” The dwarf hummed in response, eyeing me closely. “Ehm talk about something else maybe? I'm sure this is painful for Etain.” Normally so collected Ellana suggested quietly, fidgeting nervously. _You're father, whoever he is, was never interested in meeting you, if he even knew about you._

“The Antivan Crows send their regards.” Alistair acted in a weird antivan accent, summoning laughter from Hawke and Varric. An irritated look crawled into my features. “Who was your mother child?” I attempted to swallow the name clawing its way up my throat. “Arla.” I cringed, not sure how to react. “Huh might have mentioned it, I don't remember. He loved talking about the ladies.” _It was his influence that had her killed._

I flinched slightly, when Ellana started to speak. “She was killed seven years ago and she does not know the man that is to be her father.” Silence spread at the the table and the grin was wiped off Hawkes' face. “He never showed up to see for his child? He was all kinds of things, but he never struck me as dishonourable. Very passionate regarding his duty.” Alistair added, absorbed in thought.  _He used her, seduced her, took her as he pleased. All his fault..._

“He got her mother killed … it was for the best.” My eyes grew wide at her words. “What _are_ you talking about? What was for the best?” I questioned, scanning her face for any hint. “Deshanna never trusted him, not like your mother, he was a filthy crow after all. It was wisest to keep him away, the best for the clan.” The clan yes, I could hear the keepers voice through Ellana. _He tricked her into trusting him. She was blinded by her foolish love._

“We? That means _you_ too? _You_ kept him away?” I rose from my chair, anger roiling inside me, mind racing. So he _was_ my father after all, there was no doubt, seeing Ellanas' reaction. “Ir abelas da'assan. We only wanted to protect you.” she pleaded. This was not possible. My closest friend and she had betrayed me all along. _He is a murderer and a savage flat-ear. You should be careful, you have his blood running through your veins._

I wouldn't have it, I spat on the ground in disgust. “Do not call me that! Dirth ma harellan, did he know of me, his daughter?” I hissed at her, retreating from her outstretched hand. “Yes. Please, we had to make a decision. It was only a matter of time until Arla would have turned on us, it was our duty to protect you.” The others around the table had retreated slightly, clearly uncomfortable with the outcome of this diversion. _He forced her to leave the clan and she was foolish enough to oblige. A child was inconvenient._

“You forced her to go without me? You sent her away with nothing except the clothes she was wearing?” My eyes grew wide with realization. They had abandoned her. _We found her the next day, he was at her side, painted red with her blood. He murdered two of our clansmen, as if Arla hadn't already been enough._

“If you had met him, we would have lost you as we lost her.” The pent up emotions of the last years came bubbling up now, directed at Ellana. “You would have lost what? You would have mourned the loss of a flat-ear? The loss of the wolfs' bitch?” Tears started forming in her clear blue eyes as she moved her mouth silently, searching for words. _Filthy_ _brood of a flat-ear you should have followed your mother. You are not worthy of being called dalish._

“I would never have stopped to mourn, da'assan. You are like a sister to me.” Ellana breathed shakily, fighting her rising sobs. Dreadwolf take her, take all of them. Everything was a lie. I didn't listen any more, it was too much. Throwing my hands in the air I rushed out of the room, a light whisper accompanying me as I left. “It was the best for the clan.” Through the yard, I passed a stunned looking Solas and reached the garden. I paced on the grass, furiously clutching my head with my hands. “No, no, no. Harellan. Dreadwolf help me.”, chanting to myself, I kicked the ground. Ellana had been there for me, seven years, soothing the pain of loss and rejection, while she was its' cause. My thoughts darkened. Alone, I was alone, a father who had never seen me and a friendship built on lies. _I only know what Deshanna told me of your father, according to that I feel no desire to learn more and you should not either. Let me be your family da'assan, cast those depressing thoughts aside. Smile for me da'fen._

Solas warm hand closed itself around my fingers. “Speak with me.” He hummed into my ear with a soft voice. “Lies. She's a liar. Harellan!” I growled in response, fingernails digging angrily into his skin. “Seven summers of amiss accusations. Decades of deceit. False friend soothing soreness with loathsome lies.” Cursing I shoved my way past the skinny figure that had appeared in front of me. I pushed into my room and resumed the pacing. Solas had closed the door and sunk into a chair, watching me patiently. “She could have defended herself. They sent her away with nothing, not even weapons. She could have fought. She would have survived. They killed her. The clan killed her. Deshanna killed her. Ellana...” I couldn't even end the thought, it felt so surreal, so painful.

My anger slowly started crumbling, leaving me in a heap on the floor, rising sobs wrecking through me. The mage was at my side at once, strong arms holding me tightly, emotions tearing at my shell. I forced myself to explain what had happened. Soothing fingers stroked my hair every time a sob would force me to stop talking. “She knew all along. They sent my mother away, making me believe she had left out of selfish desire.” _There was nothing we could do to prevent this tragedy._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me for setting Zevs status to that of a parent, but I really loooove Zevran harrrr and I needed him to show up somehow. Maybe I will actually write a Zevran - Arla fic at some point in the future.  
> In my headcanon I pictured that Zevran actually fell for Arla the way he would have fallen for the warden in DAO, just some time earlier, but he couldn't be with her often because of his duties with the crows. But this love would have actually made him vulnerable so he kept it secret, to keep her safe from his rather dangerous life.
> 
> And of course some translations:
> 
> Aneth ara: elven greeting  
> hahren: Elder - a term of respect  
> shemlen: qickling (humans)  
> ir abelas: I'm sorry  
> dirth ma harellan: tell me trickster (also that's how the Nightmare at Adamant Fade adresses Solas. I love how he says that, gives me chills all over. I thought it would be fitting in that context and I really wanted to include this badass line xD)  
> da'assan: little arrow  
> da'fen: little wolf
> 
> Hew so much elven in here lol


	18. Lost in thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay here's another unplanned chapter, but I figured it was necessary so everything that had just happened didn't vanish somewehere between the next chapters. Because the next part will be kinda long and there is not so much space for philosophical questions. Next part will definately be up soon, maybe even today, depends on how the editing works out.  
> Well have fun with this one, it's not that spectacular, but I guess some peace inbetween the action is probably better.
> 
> Thanks for reading, kudosing and commenting. You make my day <3

A young elf sat in front of me, shouting and raging, grieving for something. I wanted to approach him, comfort him, but the scene changed momentarily. I saw a strange looking orb being passed from one hand to another. A strong feeling guilt and sorrow struck me, so intense it knocked the air out of my lungs. I raised my right hand, watching the ring Solas' had given me curiously. The jewels were glowing bright red and the material started to pulsate. The pictures around me changed quickly, blurring with speed. With the scenes the emotions also changed. Loss, anger, incapacity. The jaw of a monstrous creature snapped and the world around me shattered. I shot up in bed, panting heavily and trembling. I had had the same dream almost every night recently, the pictures getting clearer each time. My eyes lingered on the still pulsating ring. Maybe it would be wiser not to wear it, it could be dangerous, but my curiosity kept me from removing it. I was fairly certain this strange relic was causing this strange dream and eventually I would decipher whatever it was showing me.

I climbed out of the bed and splashed cool water into my face, washing the remainders of sleep away. It was still dark outside, but it didn't matter I wouldn't be able to find sleep again anyway. I dressed myself and made my way to the ramparts, the fresh air filling my lungs and brushing through my hair. Placing myself atop of the battlements I let my thoughts wander, pulling my knees against my chest.  
“Up so early already?”, Hawkes voice rang through the night air. I stared at him vacantly, not really interested in empty banter right now. “Nice up here isn't it. So peaceful. One could think this place is above tragedy.” Startled I cocked my eyebrow at him. What was he on about? “I...uhm...if you are interested I could try to contact a friend. I am quite sure she would know where Zevran is, well only if you are interested that means.” Turning away and thinking about his proposal I sighed. Did I want that? Would it change anything? Would he even still be interested in seeing me? “You don't have to rush anything, take your time. We will leave for the Western Approach today anyway, tell me when we return and I will do as you ask.” The man next to me added, noticing my irritated expression. I forced myself to smile at him. “Yes. I will think about it. Thank you for the offer.” My voice was barely a whisper but seemingly enough for him to hear, for he nodded and said his goodbye.  
What would I say if I saw this Zevran? Would he recognize his own blood? I couldn't just go up to him and greet him with the words “Hey by the way I'm the child you were never allowed to see.” What if he was dead by now too? 10 years had passed since the end of the last blight, 7 since my mother was killed. So much could happen in 7 years, maybe he had even be killed by some demon, summoned by a rift. Would there be a difference? Yes. He was my blood, my only relative left in this world. I had accepted as much already and with that it would change everything. Still did I want to meet him?  
“Meet with him. It will hurt more at first seeing him, but it will be better after. The hurt stays swirling inside you if you don't. I can help.” I looked at the slim figure standing next to me, straining to remember. I had a strong feeling that I had seen the boy before, but where? Strong feelings, probably connected with previous encounters rose in my guts: embarrassment and hot, winding anger and sorrow. Furrowing my brows I scanned his features, if I had seen him already why didn't I remember properly, that was strange. “You remember me, but at the same time you don't. Yes we've met. Affectionate aching and fiery fury, yes, you remember.” He retreated slightly, while I let my view roam across his strange appearance. “Tell me, why are you so surprised that I remember and why do I not remember properly?” Fidgeting with his pale hands, he looked around and placed himself next to me on the ground. “I am a spirit. Compassion was what the wolf calls me. I feel the pain pulsing and sooth soreness. I am here to help. You can call me Cole. I make people forget, it makes it easier.” Humming absent mindedly I tried to process what he just told me. “Will you make me forget again?” The large hat twitched violently as Cole shook his head. “No. You are important to Solas and he is my friend. I want you to be my friend too and I want to help. There is so much hurt in you, it pains him. She feels it too, solid sorrow dragging her down.” Who was he talking about? Ellana? I let my gaze drop to the ground, yes it made sense, every time our gazes had met I could see the pleading, the sorrow. A lump in my throat strangled my breaths, she was in pain, as was I, but I couldn't forgive her, not yet.   
“Torment thrashing in familiar souls. I can make you forget if you want. I can make the hurt go away.” I closed my eyes for a brief moment, before slowly shaking my head. “No. The hurt is what defines our being, as well as the happiness. Without the pain I wouldn't be me any more, Cole.” The spirit scratched his chin, thinking about my words. “I understand.”, he added after a while. Casting him a quick smile, I turned my gaze back to the mountainside, where the dawn had slowly begun creeping across the sky. I would meet my father and the day would come when I could forgive Ellana.   
The letter contacting Hawkes friend was sent quickly and soon the party of the Inquisitor took their leave to the Western Approach, Hawke and Alistair accompanying them. Ellanas gaze locked with mine for a second, while I watched them from my elevated position. A cough interrupted my staring. Fen'harels balls, could one not just sit on the ramparts without being interrupted every few minutes? Cole had suddenly vanished at some point, so I got at least a little peace. “Are you not accompanying them yet? I saw you training, it seems you have recovered well, yes?”, Cullens' voice infiltrated the quiet. Shrugging I turned to face him. “Yes but I was recommended not to jump into battle yet. Though I will be a part of the scouts by next week again.” The commander hummed and nodded in agreement. “Yes better take it slow to make sure everything is healed properly. Don't take any risks and keep up the good training recruit. If it comes to war your skills will be invaluable for the inquisition. We don't have the luxury of being supplied with many skilled soldiers, that makes the individual even more important.” Vacantly I touched the scar on my abdomen, tracing the strip of messily reconnected flesh. “You are right of course, ser. Thank you.” Answering calmly, I let my eyes graze over his proud posture. I wondered how many scars he hid under his flashy plated armour. How many setbacks did this man have to accept in his entire life to become the respectable figure he was now? He was branded with terror and loss, it was clear to anyone who took a closer look. How much of it could one bare? How much pain made you stronger before you broke?   
“Before I forget, I came to ask something of you. I would be most grateful if you would accept my offer, mylady Lavellan.” Cullen stated, as he watched me nervously. Facing him and raising my eyebrows I motioned him to carry on. “Battle is coming closer every day and we need well trained soldiers if we want to stand a chance. I am a former templar and I was never trained in handling a bow, this is why I can not resume this task myself, for I am simply not capable. The number of the recruits is thankfully growing every day, but with that the current archer trainer is unable to cope on his own any more. He has desperate need of a second set of hands, so the number of scouts can be increased more quickly. Skilled archers are an essential element on the battlefield and you seem more than capable of this task, especially now that you have recovered so well.” My eyes widened in surprise. Wow, I hadn't seen that coming. “I … eeehr... I really appreciate this offer, thank you commander, but I think I am not suited for this task. I have been injured since the fall of Haven and merely been training again for a short while now.” He nodded, giving me an understanding look. “Yes I am aware, but still. Your skills with the bow are unmatched within the Inquisition and you are close to the herald of Andraste. It would be good for morale and it would consolidate the image of tolerance the Inquisition is trying to build, especially within our ranks.” It made sense what he was saying, still I was a little insecure in reference to my skills. I would have never thought that I had left a permanent impression on the commander. Getting to my feet I inclined my head respectfully. “I am honoured, ser. If you judge me capable of this task I will be happy to accept your offer.” The blond man smiled at me widely and bowed in response. “I will see you tomorrow at the training grounds, mylady.”,was his brief response and he headed back to his office, leaving me to my thoughts once again. If the commander thought so highly of me, I would do my best not to disappoint, neither him nor the Inquisition.  
The day passed as I watched the recruits train, kitchen maids bustle and healers fuss below me. The sun was already hidden halfway behind a mountain, when I noticed someone settling down next to me. “You have spent the whole day up here. If you wouldn't be a dalish from the north I would be worried for you to catch a cold. Still I figured you might get hungry at some point so I took the liberty to provide you with a small variety of food and beverage.” Solas said after a few minutes of silence. I turned, straining to see his face. The setting sun framed his figure in an otherworldly glow, shadows darkening his features, only his eyes glinting as if glowing from within. I scanned his ears and the form of his prominent jaw, hidden from the light as he was at the moment the form had strange resemblance with a wolf. Yes of course, Fen'harel himself, I thought sarcastically at my absurd fantasy. He cocked his head in question at my intense gaze, the sun now reaching his face again and I smirked casting the foolish thought aside. “What are you thinking, ma'arlath?” Should I really tell him that I had just compared him to the Dreadwolf? His face would definitely be worth it, I told myself, sniggering. “Oh I just thought about how you actually might be Fen'harel, trying to seduce and trick me. He should have caught my scent a long time ago already, this might be what keeper Deshanna always warned me about and I wouldn't know.” I stated jokingly and burst into full hearted laughter at the sight of Solas' dumbstruck face. “Relax, I'm only being stupid. But I wouldn't know if you were would I? One can never be sure who or what lurks around the next corner of the path of life.” I chuckled, patting his knee reassuringly as he gathered himself again. “Well I guess no you could not tell, he is the trickster after all, isn't he. So it could be me, what if it was true?” Solas responded quietly, his face turning into the emotionless facade he only dropped so rarely. I furrowed my brows at his severe gaze, thinking about the strange question. “I … What? … Blackwall would be a more convincing choice for the Dreadwolf I think, he already has the pelt or maybe Cullen. Fen'harel actually could be a Lady, do we know of his gender? I don't think so. Maybe it's Leliana?” The mage relaxed at my words, throwing his head back and he started laughing loudly. “Yes maybe it is Leliana, who knows.” He sobered and caressed my cheek fondly, before unpacking the food he had brought with him. We ate and talked about everything that had crossed my mind that day, including Cullens offer and my father, but not the dream. I was afraid he would tell me not to wear the ring any longer if he found out, but I needed to see what it meant first. I would tell him about it when I was finished finding out what it was showing me, but for now it would be my secret. My own little riddle to solve.  
“You never cease to surprise me, ma'salath.” Solas mumbled, pulling me close and enclosing my lips in a soft living kiss. My eyes fluttered, soothing warmth spreading though my entire body. I pulled away slightly to catch my breath. “Ma emma lath.” Feeling Solas falter for a second, a smile spread on my face and I rested my cheek against his shoulder. “Everything will be fine soon.” The mage promised, stroking my hair softly. I sighed contently, feeling more safe and secure than ever in his arms. “I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ma'arlath: my love


	19. Assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're at Adamant now. I had to take a little part of the ingame cutscene, really sorry about that. This is actually only the first part of Adamant, next one won't have so much ingame stuff included. Hope you still like it, really hope it's not too boring lol.
> 
> Thanks for reading, kudos and comments you lovelies. <3

“We need to leave for Adamant fortress as soon as possible.” Ellanas voice rang through the hall, startling the attendant crowd. Ellana had returned from the Western Approach together with Alistair and Hawke. They had investigated a matter about the Wardens and the demon army, she had already seen glimpses of. We had to act quickly.   
Thank the creators, my body was in it's old shape again and the bow I had commissioned a week earlier had also been finished. It was a beautiful weapon, delicately crafted of strong wood and as deadly as it had to be. I rushed to my room, ignoring the nervous bustle that spread through the crowd.   
However strange the relationship between Ellana and me had become in the last weeks, as my leader she had my stalwart obedience. I strapped on the armour I had received as a gift from Jean and commander Cullen for my name day. It was made of strong but smooth leather, with metal plates worked into it. An impressive peace of armour, still easy to move in it, in spite of the included metal.   
I placed my blades in the enwrought mounts, slipped my bow over my shoulders and walked back to the hall, checking everything was affix as I went. Solas, who had obviously also gathered his equipment from his room, closed the space, falling into step with me. “I see your amount of blades has increased and the cuirass also provides more protection. I am glad to see that.” He stated in a fake business like tone. Was he concerned about my health? I grinned slightly at the thought, how sweet of him. “Yes, the injuries from Haven must not be recapitulated.” Interesting that he would notice the extra knives on my body, I had assured that they wouldn't be spotted right away. I had incorporated the holsters myself and double checked them, to assure they were inconspicuous. Brushing the thought aside I stepped into the great hall again and before I could react Solas pulled me aside, quickly pressing a firm kiss to my lips. “I'll be riding with the Inquisitor. Take care of yourself, vhenan'ara” I nodded, stealing a side glance at the already gathered Inner Circle. Ellana caught my sight and watched me with concern.“Ma emma lath. This battle will take it's toll, but it will not be us.” I responded, resting my head in the crook of Solas' neck. All of a sudden the mage in front of me was shoved to the side. “Be careful sweetheart, yes? We still have a ball to attend.” Dorian said, pulling me into a firm embrace.  
The troops marched surprisingly quickly and we had reached Adamant fortress after only a few weeks. Proficient hands set the camp up swiftly behind a hill, perfectly hidden from direct view of the fortress. The last siege ordnances were rolling in and as soon as they were in place, we would assault.  
I caught sight of Solas and rushed towards him. There was not much time left now. Flinging myself into his arms I pressed my lips firmly onto his. Reciprocating he circled one arm around my waist and cupped my jaw with the other. We savoured the moment, tasting, licking, clinging tightly to each other, mentally preparing for the upcoming battle. “I'm afraid we must part now, we can continue this after the battle.” He whispered severely, stroking my cheek as he retreated. “Is that a promise, ma'arlath?” I quipped as he pulled away, summoning a smirk from his lips, though we sobered quickly, returning to our places.

“Soldiers of the Inquisition. I don't know what exactly awaits us behind these walls, but we must fight with all we have. We can not let Corypheus' plan succeed. Fight for your future! For your lives! For justice! For the Inquisition!”, the Commanders voice boomed over the makeshift camp, the first soldiers already gathering and preparing themselves for the battle. I would be positioned along with the other archers at the top of a nearby hill, while the party of the Inquisitor and the infantry would perform the main assault. When the path was cleared, the archers would move up after them into the fortress. A strong hand was placed on my shoulder and turned me around. “Be careful petite combattante. I want to see you come back in one piece this time.”, Jean stated with a soft voice, before he squeezed my shoulders tightly. “Ma nuvenin. Take care, I am not strong enough to carry you out of there.” I responded, smiling weakly, he winked at me and strolled towards the front line. He was with the infantry. My stomach turned as fear crept up my spine. Everybody who had grown close to me was fighting at the front lines, while I had to stay back. Fen'harel help them.   
The towering arms were in position now and the sound of a horn echoed across the plain, the entire army taking stance. The trebuchets were loaded with magically ignited missiles and fired at once. The masses erupted in a fierce battle cry, infantry charging and archers presenting their bows. It had begun.   
We rained arrows down onto the ramparts, the trebuchets firing as fast as was possible. The foot soldiers quickly started forcing their way inside with a battering ram, while others began climbing the ramparts with ladders. So many enemies were awaiting them, it was madness. The never ending shower of arrows seemed to have hardly any effect on them. Although wardens and demons alike were falling frequently, there seemed to always be another taking the place. The minutes crept by, the cries and scents of death filling the air. So many had fallen in such a short time, crushed under rocks that had been dropped from the fortifications, peppered with arrows or simply tumbled into death. After what seemed like hours the rain of hostile arrows subsided and the battle had been moved away from the edge of the ramparts.   
It was time for us to move up to the fortress. Moving swiftly, we dodged the scattered projectiles from above and the limp bodies on the ground. It was a sickening sight, the ground already soaked with the blood of both humans and demons. I spat, to remove the sour taste in my mouth.   
We rushed to the upper floor of the ramparts, where the battle was raging heaviest. I spotted Hawke nearby and started clearing his back immediately. Moving slowly towards the champion, I fired arrows ceaselessly. “Where are they?” I shouted over the noise of battle. Hawkes' attempt to answer was cut off when a gruesome cry captured our attention.   
A pride demon reared at the far end of the battlements, beneath its' enormous form I spotted the Inquisitor and her group, struggling with not only the beast, but also an incredible amount of demons and wardens. By the Dreadwolf, this was insane. Wade, the head of the archer section ordered me along with a few others to help the Inquisitor at once.  
I dashed along the ramparts, a hand full of archers at my heels, the rest staying behind to aid the champion. We posted ourselves at a fair distance, resuming the steady pour of arrows. I inched closer for more impact on the demon and throwing incendiary potions into the crowds of enemies.  
Plucking some arrows from the corpses I saw Ellana harried by hostile soldiers. for the lack of time I seized a knife and threw. It sank deep into the wardens' skull, missing the Inquisitor only by inches. She whipped around in shock, searching for the origin of the missile, oblivious to the electricity that was building up around the beast behind her, raising a massive fist and preparing to strike.  
“Fenedhis. Move!” I cried out, already lunging at her to get her out of the way, just as the demon brought down his limb in a deadly blow. We hit the ground hard, but thank the creators unharmed. Scrambling off of Ellana, I pulled her up with me and gained distance to the beast again. More enemies started assaulting and Ellana motioned the infantry to focus on them, while we kept peppering the monstrosity from a distance. An archer next to me fell, struck down by one of the hostile soldiers. The wardens plated gauntlet hit me hard in the face, causing me to stagger backwards. I wiped the blood off my lower lip, dodging the swipes with his sword, I scuppered my dagger deep into his neck. I roared, blocking another sword and diving behind the assaulter. Arrows struck and floored him at once, giving me opportunity to concentrate back on the pride demon.   
The fight was long and exhausting and the beast was spiked with arrows, by the time it finally went down. Preying the the small pause,my fellow archers and me quickly started refilling our quivers. Ellana stopped looking at me in question for a brief moment. “We will stay on the battlements and cover your backs!” I shouted at them, motioning my fellow archers to follow me. We moved around the ramparts, always an eye on the Inquisitor, while she led her companions to a lower floor. I could maneuver my group almost freely now, the few enemies left being struck down with arrows immediately. 

We reached the yard at the same time the other party did. Most of the wardens were gathered at its' centre, holding some kind of ceremony. What in Fen'harels' name? Two important looking wardens stood at the far end. Maybe if I could only get closer … I balanced my way over a roof, inching closer to the speaking Warden. Nobody had noticed me, except for Ellana, who was already motioning me to stop. Frowning at her I obeyed, but remained in my position, ready to strike. I watched the scenery, the other archers following my example and establishing themselves in more beneficial locations. A young dalish approached the head of the wardens. I watched in horror, as she offered herself for a blood magic ritual. Voluntarily. Dreadwolf how much more madness would this world bring forth?  
Ellana had reached the crowd of Wardens and started talking. At least now I knew the reason I wasn't allowed to sink an arrow into the warden– commanders head. Though the elderly women didn't even talk much, the fowl looking Vint next to her not giving her the opportunity to. A moment of silence fell over the the scenery, the fort itself seeming to hold its' breath. “Bring it through!” Clarel, the warden-commander exclaimed. They continued with their twisted ritual, summoning a green glowing portal in their midst, revealing a horrifying view of whatever lay beneath.   
“My master thought you might come Inquisitor! He sent me this to welcome you!” The Tevinter Warden exclaimed as the wardens and Inquisition attacked. A terribly familiar screech filled the air, causing the stone beneath my feet to shudder. Shit. It was the dragon that had crushed Haven.   
It dove out of the sky, tossing a fire ball directly at Ellanas' party and then turning sharply into my direction. Fenedhis. I lunged behind a little wall, seeking cover, the creature so close I could have almost touched it. The beast navigated around to land on a small tower, ripping some archers from their elevated locations. Wade, who had closed up to us by now, shouted commands at his remaining recruits.   
I peeked down to the ground level, watching the warden- commander flooring the crazy tevene with a bolt of lightning. She must have lost it completely now and struck the dragon with a second spell, taunting it into her direction. It lunged at them, breathing destruction along the way. Descending along the ramparts, the dragon still at her heels, Clarel goaded the beast away from the battle that was now seething in the yard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vhenan'ara: my hearts' desire  
> ma emma lath: you are my love  
> ma'arlath: my love  
> ma nuvenin: as you wish  
> fenedhis: yehaw da cursing
> 
>  
> 
> petite combattante: little fighter


	20. Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who ordered some blood and despair? You? Okay here you go, you want fries with that?
> 
> Part 2 of Adamant, but still not finished nagh-aaah. Stay tuned for next episode of HBO's.. oh no wait, nevermind.
> 
> So this one is actually written to the soundtrack of "Dante's Inferno". It just sounds so wonderfully dangerous and makes me twitchy all over because you expect something really awful to happen. Dunno, I think it translates the emotions really well that I actually tried to bring in here. Death, blood, fading hope and stuff, ya know and oh yeah demons everywhere. 
> 
> This chapter was mostly inspired by Dorians' comment in Adamant, can't quote him correctly at this point but, he said something about soldiers getting tired, demons not.   
> He lol and I took the liberty to extend the storm a little, because if you watch the cutscenes there are dark clouds in the sky, I just added some thunder for the effect mehehehe. I'm so evil.
> 
> As always thank you so much for your support *bows and throws kisses at everyone*. You are wonderful people and make me so happy.

Demons were spilling out of the portal and assaulted our recently arrived troops at once. Ellana and her group set off, pursuing Clarel, while we fought the raging demons and fatuous wardens down. Cullen arrived with the rest of the infantry, throwing themselves into battle.   
The wardens would have been completely outnumbered if there hadn't been the never ending stream of demons coming from the portal. They were attacking without mercy and the Inquisitor had vanished, leaving nobody behind who could embank the demonic force. “Follow them, over the ramparts. Look out for the dragon. Help them, we need to close this blighted rift!” I shouted over the sound of slaughter to some archers near me. Without question, they hurried off quickly. The rest kept raining arrows to the ground level, scattered archers dropping dead from the ramparts. Fenedhis the wardens still had bows, we needed to get rid of them. I scanned the scenery, searching for ranged hostile soldiers. Got you. Sneering hatefully I gestured a scout to help me take them out quickly. One threat banished, only an enormous demon army left to go.  
A shout behind me caused me to flinch, a body landing on the stone next to me. Shit. I crept towards the limp body to feel his pulse. None. I cringed, seeing who had fallen this time. It was Wade, the head of the scouts and my direct superior. He had been a good man, inspiring, an exemplary soldier. He didn't deserve this. Nobody did.

An ear splitting cry tore through the air, followed by a deep thunder, vibrating through the foundation of the fortress. What in all Thedas was happening?   
One of the scouts stopped me as I was just about to climb down to the main battle to resupply. “The bridge crashed. The dragon disappeared.” Looking away his voice faltered. He looked horrified, the poor boy could only have counted 14 summers or so. “What with the Inquisitor and her companions?” I demanded harshly. He flinched at the sound of my voice, shaking his head. “I don't know, they fell and there was green light. It even swallowed the crumbling bridge.” Having no idea what he was talking about I dismissed him, sending him to care for the injured. He was too young for such a battle, creators help me, if at least one soul could be saved. How did he even get into this? I resumed my descend down the battlements, gathering arrows on my way and fighting assaulting demons with my daggers.   
All of them had fallen, he said. That meant not only Ellana, but Dorian and Solas. Hawke and Alistair had been with them. Ellana and me hadn't talked much since her confession, but I never wanted her dead. Dorian had become so dear to me in the past months and Solas... The thought made me sick. What would become of the world when the people heard that three heroes of our time had been wiped out in one blow?  
I ripped another demon open and scanned the troops for familiar faces, spotting Jean at a far wall, just as he was struck down by a shade. Oh Dreadwolf, no. I rushed across the yard, dodging the assaulting enemies and downing them with my blades.   
I reached the wounded man, a large pool of red spreading across his jerkin. The fight was getting more and more forlorn by the minute. His breath was ragged and flat, his face distorted in agony as I pressed his hand to the wound, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. “Hey come on, let's get you out of here hm?”, I said in a soothing voice. A breathy chuckle escaped his lips in response, shaking his head. “Don't waste your time with a dying man, ma chère.”, the orlesian whispered sadly. Ignoring him I shoved my shoulder under his to steady him. I would get him out of here, he would survive.  
We made our way back to the camp, his steps faltering ever so slightly, as we crossed the body littered battle field. His breathing got heavier with every step. “Nearly there. Almost got it. Come on, hold out.” I encouraged him, keeping my mind off the worst case scenarios that were pleading for attention. He would survive, he will not die on me here, not now. Almost there. A handful of people saw us approaching and hurried to aid us.   
Gently I let Jean slip onto a cot in the healers tent, were he was taken care of immediately. “Where ...?” I suppressed the spreading unease and forced a smile, clenching my fist tightly, hearing the struggle in his voice. “They'll be back soon. Everything will be okay, you'll see.”, I calmed both me and the injured with shaking voice. Jean squeezed my arm weakly, giving me an understanding look, thankful for my intention, but not falling for the lie.  
I touched the back of his hand lightly in farewell and dashed back towards the battle. It was all I could do for Jean now, the rest was in the hands of the healers, or Falon'din... 

The demons and humans alike where still fighting ceaselessly, with a steadily increasing loss on our side. “Where is the Inquisitor?” Cullens' voice echoed through the clanking of metal and demonic screeches. “They fell with the bridge. The dragon is gone.” I answered, having positioned me near his location, keeping the demons at a distance. “Makers' breath.” He gasped in response. No matter whos' breath, it didn't look good for us. We had no way of closing the rift and retreating wasn't an option either. We couldn't have fled fast enough without being torn into pieces by the demons. Luckily most of the demons that entered our world through the rift, where less powerful creatures, the fiercer pride demons appearing in increasingly longer intervals. Nevertheless, the unfatiguing hostile forces started wearing on the soldiers.   
The air was knocked out of my lungs when a warden shield hit my chest ferociously. I tossed a knife at his throat while I fell and the commander sunk his sword deep into the mans' body. “For all it's worth we need to endure.” The blond man exclaimed, helping me to my feet again. Nodding at him I patted my chest down to see if the impact had caused any damage, but found none. Thanking the creators and my plated armour, I continued fighting.   
The battle was raging on for hours already, the stream of enemies as unrelenting as ever. Our fate was sealed. We would fall, crushed by a demon army. The demons would roll over Thedas with as much destruction as the first blight. If we couldn't stop the endless masses, who could?   
My blade tore through another demon, the commander and me panting in exhaustion alike. “Maker, will this ever end?” He asked mostly to himself than anybody else. Yes - I thought - soon, but not victorious. At least not for us. “Uuughn.” A large demonic fist crashed into my side and pain exploded in my chest, accompanied by a loud crack. I sheathed my dagger and rammed it into the beasts head. “Everything all right?” Cullen asked between gasps for air. “Fendhis lasa. My ribs...” I answered, breathing heavily. The commander whipped around, kicking open a supply crate.   
“Arrows. Gather everyone who can use a bow. Relocate on the ramparts.” I nodded, passing the order to the nearby archers and shouting out to other soldiers. Stationing myself on a small roof again, I surveyed the situation, working my bow on every enemy I spotted. A healing potion slightly soothed my ache, still every movement caused my breath to hitch in agony.  
Fear and grief started clawing its' way up again as I watched the slaughter down below. I might have given my life for an honourable cause. I would have gladly given my life to save Ellanas', knowing that she could put a stop to all this. It would have made sense. But this sacrifice seemed so pointless. The entirety of the troops would be wiped out and it wouldn't help anyone. We would fight to total fatigue, be torn to pieces and it would not effect a single thing. I sent a silent prayer to the Dreadwolf. Maybe, somehow he could help us. Silently laughing at the foolish thought, I rearranged my position and moved across the roof to have a better view on the rift. Nobody could help us now.  
A mischievous thought occurred to me. I pulled an incendiary potion out of the pouch at my waist and threw. I hit the opening of the rift perfectly, only to freeze in horror a moment later. Something moved inside. Something huge and horrifying. Something with too many eyes and spindling legs. Whatever we were fighting now it would be laughable if this creature decided to join the battle. “Fenedhis, what did they try to summon?”  
I watched the first soldiers staggering, exhausted. We won't hold for very much longer. As soon as the foot soldiers were defeated, it would be over. The few bows we had left wouldn't stand against this. A man near me fell with a cry. One of these foul teleporting bastards had surprised him. I shouted to the other ranged fighters to draw their attention. If we took too long the creature would wipe us all out up here. The demon was riddled quickly by arrows and crumpled to the floor. Allowing myself to rest a moment, I relaxed the bickering muscles of my arms and shoulders. My limbs would soon quit their service and I supposed the other archers felt the same. We wouldn't even be able to hold a weapon any more before dying, I thought bitterly. A glimpse of dawn was already visible on the horizon, behind baleful clouds rolling towards the fortress. A storm would definitely not increase our chances of victory.  
Another demon made it's way up to my elevated position, just as a flash of lightning parted the sky, blinding light elucidating the entire battle. My shout for aid was swallowed by roaring thunder and my stomach dropped when I reached for arrows and found... nothing. Cursing I sheathed my dagger, and assaulted the beast, ignoring the pulsating agony in my chest. My tired muscles and cracked rib slowed my movement immensely and I was hardly able to dodge the creatures strikes. Arrows pierced the demons body, hardly effecting its' motions. I saw another scout being ripped apart by a second beast, the weary soldiers not being able to react in time. My blade tore through the demons' thigh, his steps faltering at the impact but seemingly only arousing its' fury. It grabbed me by the hair, ripping me off my feet. It knocked the blade out of my hand and ripped open it's mouth in an otherworldly scream, presenting countless razor sharp teeth. It was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know if this were a series there would actually be some advertisement now. *clears throat*
> 
> Dwarven crafts, fine dwarfen crafts. Direct from Orzammar!
> 
> ...or you would even have to wait a whole week to see the next part O.o *looks around wickedly*
> 
> Some translations:
> 
> fenedhis (lasa): yeah I know right? she does so much cursing  
> ma chère: my dear


	21. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gagh I just tiped everything in here, notes translation, text all ready to post and then I clicked the page away. Well here we go again:
> 
> Contains angst, smut and trauma. Smut will be labeled with -v- again.  
> My thoughts to Solas in here: Solas is already a touchy person, we all know that. In Adamant they went through hell, confronted with all their deepest fears and Solas' fear (dying alone) is something that goes really deep if you ask me. I guess we can all relate to that. Being confronted with this primal fear I suppose even a dude that had millenia to train his "mask" would actually be a little traumatised. At this point I really, really hope that I managed to deliver those emotions I had in my head. I don't know, this was really hard to write.
> 
> Anyway thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. Lots of love and kisses to you.
> 
> By the way, don't be confused. Yes this fic has one chapter less now, I rewrote "The year that never was" and reposted it seperately.

A bright green light erupted around us, causing the creature to falter. I seized the chance and twisted my body so I could reach my second dagger, chopping the strand of hair and freeing me from its' grip.

I dropped hard to the ground, pain wrecking my body and forcing my eyes shut. Confused I looked around. I had expected the creature to strike again, but it didn't. The demon had vanished. The pain rippling through my limbs caused my stomach to turn. Fenedhis. I crawled to the rim of the ramparts, peering down into the yard. The fighting had stopped, the demons had been ripped apart and the Wardens were retreating. The soldiers slumped to the ground in utter lethargy.

The few with enough strength left, started cheering for our victory. Perplexed I scanned the yard, there was only one person who could have ended this...

Ellana had stepped through the rift, closely followed by Alistair, Dorian, Solas and Cassandra. I blinked incredulously. How was this possible...? Was I hallucinating? Dead?

Shakily I descended down to the yard, scanning the people in its' centre for any hint that this wasn't real. Lightly I touched Ellanas' arm, cold fingers over damp cloth. Horrified blue eyes turned towards me, widening at the sight of destruction. Trembling she pulled me close. “You are alive.”, I stated quietly, reciprocating the embrace. “Where is Hawke?” Muted sobs began wrecking through Ellanas' body, it was all I needed for an answer.

 

I moved to Dorian and brushed his chest tenderly before sinking into Solas' arms. “Ma serannas Fen'harel. Ma serannas enansal.” I whispered, relief soothing my exhausted limbs as I blinked into my loves' grey eyes. Their whole group looked as if they had gone through hell. We stayed to watch Ellana, as she appointed the wardens subordinate to the Inquisition from now on, Solas visibly displeased with her choice. Hawke had sacrificed himself for them, so Ellana could finish her task and Alistair could rebuild the wardens.

I pulled Solas away, eyes sweeping over the reddened ground, briefly lingering on each in agony frozen face. A slightly smaller frame leaning against a wall caught my attention. Letting Solas' fingers slip from my grasp I rushed to crouch next to the lifeless body. Carefully I removed the large helmet, revealing the face and confirming my apprehension. It was the boy I had sent away, believing there was more chance to survive if he stayed back. I was wrong. I should have kept him close to me, protected. He shouldn't have been on his own. He shouldn't even have been in Adamant in the first place. Heavy footfalls approached me. “His name was George. He tried to sign up for the troops three times.” Thick tears started rolling down my bloodied cheeks, when Cullen spoke. “He was too young. I sent him away. I could have... It was ...” A heavy plated hand was placed on my shoulder. “No, there was nothing you could have done.” The commanders voice was laced with grief, as he picked the body from the ground and left the area. I stayed, kneeling on the floor, breathing heavily. “My fault...” It was merely a whisper. Solas stepped closer, seized my hand and pressed a tender kiss to my temple. He pulled me away from the fortress. It had started raining heavily, dirt and blood being washed away. The nature ridding itself from the evidence of the previous battle.

Slowly we walked across the massacre, the rain mixing with my tears and soaking us to the core. We entered our tent when a gasp of shock rang from the healers tent. It was Dorians' voice. Jean... My head began to spin. I was exhausted, physically and mentally.

The rain drummed against the canvas in a steady rhythm, wind pushing and pulling alike while frequent flashes of lightning illuminated the camp site. The little space of the tent almost felt isolated, thick silence against the roaring of the storm. Foreheads touching we sat on the bedrolls, clinging to each other as if in fear to loose each other again. The nightmare was over, but it was still clawing at us.

Softly Solas brushed the side of my face, the fear and pain in his eyes sending a shiver down my spine. He was normally so collected and adept in concealing his emotions that it mortified me to see him in this state. “What happened?” It escaped my lips in a breathy whisper. The mage attempted to slip on his stoic mask, but failed. It crumbled momentarily, replaced by a nameless sadness. He shook his head and closed his eyes, anxious to never cease contact. “I thought I would never see you again. All of you... The demons...I was alone.”, I added shakily. Solas angled his face, bringing his eyes in level with mine. “I'm here. You're not alone. Not ever. We're here _together_.” He enclosed me in his arms, pulling me close and pressing his lips to my skin. “You must always remember that.”, his silent voice sounded through the tent.

Solas laced his fingers with mine and brushed the back of his nose lightly against my cheek. “Ma sa'lath.” My breath painted the words onto his skin and I let my fingers feather along his arm. “Ar lath ma vhenan.” Was his soft response. There would never come a moment in which it would have been more clear. His lips ghosted over mine, fingers ceaselessly caressing my face, brushing the wet strands of hair out of my face.

 

-v-

 

Deliberate fingers travelled along the side of my neck, lips enclosing mine in a soft kiss. Solas broke the touch of our lips frequently, whispering tender elvhen words I had never heard before. His chest rumbled against my fingertips and the sound of his voice caressed the deeply buried agony within me. Solas hands travelled moderately further across my body, loosening the buckles of my armour along the way. I winced, drawing breath sharply when the mage pulled away the cuirass, lightly brushing against the large bruise covering my ribs. Letting his fingers ghost further along my skin, he summoned warm healing magic and let it flow through my maltreated chest. “Ir abelas.” His breathy whisper danced along my neck when the shattered bones rearranged and knit back together, causing me to gasp and wind in agony.

Carefully his fingers explored further along my abdomen, lingering briefly on each scar that crossed their path. In spite of the already subsiding pain, his caresses prickled on my skin, the sensation travelled through my body and pooled in my core. Slowly we rid ourselves from the remaining attire, savouring the never adjourning touch of skin.

The soft kisses turned molten, filled with longing and desire. Tongues licked and teeth brushed each others skin ever so slightly. Lips parted to grant entrance, breaths mixing to their loving dance.

I felt Solas' hardened member pressed against the damp skin of my thigh, while his hands roamed along the length of my body. The sensation sent shivers through my body, wetness pooling between my thighs and caused my breath to quicken. My fingers explored the lithe muscled chest, ghosting along ribs, feeling his strained abdominal muscles. I let my fingers stroke lightly along his taut member, causing Solas' breath to hitch. He shifted and placed his arms on either side of me, while he gently pushing my thighs apart to place himself in between. With ragged breaths Solas parted my wet folds with the tip of his member, lightly brushing my pulsating core in a steady rhythm. The moans and gasps he was summoning from me were drowned by the still pouring rain. He increased the pressure, his breath also quickening, riding me close to the edge before he started pushing inside carefully. Crying out at the sensation of him filling me again I bucked my hips, pushing forward and sheathing him completely. A loud moan rumbled through my lovers chest, when I hooked my leg around his waist to grant him better entrance. The lust was electrifying my entire body and his tardy movements were slowly driving me insane. “Dar ma.” The mage panted, his lips hovering over mine. “Uth, ma vhenan'ara.” He quickened his pace slightly, seemingly also not able to bear the restraint any longer. Solas' lips sealed mine again, pressing hard onto the soft flesh as we rocked steadily closer to the edge. The mage above me was groaning loudly now, his sweat laced muscles twitching uncontrollably. The tension within me rose to be almost unbearable and my freshly healed fracture was aching from the movement, but my climax came quickly. A few more quick thrusts and I came undone, the tension in my core shattering and searing through my veins. I clenched and twitched, while Solas ground his hips ceaselessly against mine. His steady thrust began to falter and slow as his release came pulsating inside me. Shivering he rode the last sparks rippling through both our bodies, before collapsing at my side. Solas pulled me close, covering our dampened bodies with the warmth of a blanket. “You're here.” He repeated quietly into my ear, before we both dozed off into sleep.

 

-v-

 

My dreams forced me a wake soon, the twisted faces of the fallen mixing into the disturbing dream I was already familiar with. Making sure not to wake my still sleeping lover, I slipped on some simple attire and stepped outside. It was almost noon and the sun was already burning mercilessly. I walked across the already dried sand towards the healers tent, fear growing with every step. Instead of stepping aside I halted, dread forcing me to turn, leading me out of the camp site. What if he was dead like George? What if I had failed him too?

I stepped downhill towards a small stretch of water. Tossing my attire aside I let myself drop into its' depths and tried to scrub the grief away. Horror flashed across my inner vision. The blood soaking through Jeans' jerkin. Georges' pale face. Jean's flat breathing. The dragon. The slaughter. The memories of Haven came creeping back into my mind. The burning houses. The screams. The fear. Fen'harel help me. I broke down, tears streaming down my face and sobs tearing through my body. The minutes dragged on until the sobs turning into hoarse whimpers.

I heard quick steps approaching and Solas' gentle hands pulled me into an embrace. “It's okay. It's over, ma vhenan. I'm here. Shhh” He held me tightly, whispering comfort in a low voice until I stopped weeping. He led me out of the water and helped me dress. “Come.” Was all he said, seizing my hand and leading me back into the camp.

Pushing the canvas aside, we entered the healers tent, revealing Dorian asleep next to an occupied cot. It had to be a good sign if the tevene was still here. I walked past him towards the injured man. Jeans' wound had been treated and bandaged and his breathing was normal again. Relief almost caused my knees to give in. Thank the creators. At least I had been able to save Jean. “It will take time until he will fully have recovered, but he is out of danger for now. Though he will need to be brought back to Skyhold soon.”, Solas answered my unasked question in a low voice and squeezed my hand. I gave the man a genuine smile and tightened my grip around his fingers. “Good.” Solas cast me a worried look. “Do you feel better?” Turning to face Jeans' sleeping form again I sighed “Yes, I guess.” He draped his arm around me, pulling me into a half embrace and we stood there in silence, watching the soldier sleep peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to piece some elven phrases together, if anyone knows more about elven grammar do tell me and I will fix this at once. 
> 
> Fenedhis : elven curse  
> Ma sreannas Fen'harel : Thank you Fen'harel  
> Ma serannas enansal : Thank you for this gift  
> Ma'salath : My one love  
> Ar lath : I love you  
> ma vhenan : my heart  
> Ir abelas : I'm sorry  
> Dar ma : be mine (from lovely geeky-jez' elven smut dirty talk post, I will link it below)  
> Uth, ma vhenan'ara : Forever, my hearts desire
> 
> http://geeky-jez.tumblr.com/post/106381642243/elvish-smut


	22. Insight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by my own experiences, both ingame and irl ;) Not much to say about this one, only that I'm desperately trying to not give in to my desire to write about the ball just yet. Well, we'll see.  
> By the way, I totally love Dorian. That had to be said.
> 
> Thanks for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. You make me so happy :P 
> 
> In case you're interested, I have tumblr (dreamilyjollystrawberry.tumblr.com) and I'm on twitter now too (sickoberrytain). Just drop by, feel free to write me or whatever. :)

I sat at a small stream together with Dorian, bare feet dangling into the water. Surrounded by the wildlife of the Emerald Graves, we savoured the moment of peace, which was bitterly needed after the encounter at Adamant.

Orlesian refugees had set up camp here, led by a man that called himself Fairbanks. He was the reason why Ellana had appointed a small group to split from the main army. It seemed the refugees were having trouble with a group of deserters, namely the Freemen of the Dales and we were to help settle their dispute, mildly said. While Ellana had stayed behind at Watchers' Reach, a few of us had ventured forth, scouting the area for potential camp sites.

“Ah nature. Did I ever mention I hate nature? I bet you elves love it here. Trees and ancient elvhen ruins everywhere.” Dorian lay in the grass next to me, watching some birds chattering above us. I sniggered at his displeased face. “If one of these birds are going to relieve themselves now, I swear by everything that is holy: I will roast them alive!” Grinning I bent down and I dipped my fingertips into the water. I watched as the waves rippled across my reflection. The lack of sleep since Adamant had painted dark circles around my eyes and a fierce looking gash parted my lower lip, descending down my chin. “Can't help you with sleeping I'm afraid, but I guess I could at least fix those hair for you, sweetheart.” Dorian had straightened himself and scanned my now blank features.

Adjusting my head slightly, I looked at the strand of hair that was far shorter than the rest. I raised my eyebrow at the mage, slightly sceptical that he would be able to adjust the length properly. “Don't worry love. I know what I'm doing. I would never let anybody near this marvellous fringe.” He chuckled at my worried face. “Your dagger, love. Hope it's nice and sharp.” Still startled, I handed him my blade. “ No magic? You always use magic. For everything. I saw you turn the page of a book with magic the other day. ” Giggling, Dorian shook his head. “Some actually use magic to singe it into form, but it's really gross. Ugh, think of the smell. Anyway much to dangerous, Imagine the tragedy if this perfection was burned to ashes.” Dorian flashed a smile at me, shaking his neatly manicured mop of hair.

Dorian broke the silence that had settled after a time, while he was still working his hair. “I really don't want to interfere, but I think you should talk to the Inquisitor.” The memories of the dispute between me and Ellana, caused my smile to falter and I shook my head sadly. “ I know I should. It's not that I hate her...it's just.... Dorian...” The mage hummed understandingly and squeezed my shoulder slightly. “She doesn't show any sign of unease, that just worries me you know. After Adamant I just think it would help her. Even our beloved apostate seemed distressed after we had returned.” Splashing my feet in the water I thought about it. Dorian was definitely right about Solas. The elf had been even more quiet than usual on our trip here and whenever it was possible he seemed to seek comfort in proximity. Ellana had been keeping herself busy almost all the time after the battle. I hadn't really seen much of her lately. “I know you try your best. Take your time. Anyway I still wanted to thank you for getting Jean out of there.” My ears peaked in interest at his words and I smiled again,as the tevene handed the dagger back to me. “Of course. So does that mean that you're a thing now, Dorian?” Slightly blushing the mage turned away, intently staring a blade of grass. “No. We're not a _thing,_ just friends. Good friends. Having fun. He's charming. What?” I burst into laughter at Dorians' rambling. “Well that was the most satisfying answer you could have ever given me, falon.” The tevene pushed me into the cool stream at my words, struggling to suppress his own smirk. “Sweet Andraste you are insufferable.” I tried to back away when Dorian shoved a wall of water into my face, but I was too slow and soon absolutely drenched. Lunging forward I seized the mage's ankle, stopping him from scrambling away and tossed some water in his direction. “No it's sea silk... Oh you.” He darted off after me, kicking up water as he went, trying to grab me. “If it's sea silk it should survive a little water.”, I threw back at him over my shoulder, squealing when I saw how close he had already come. Soon we were absolutely soaked and the silliness passed. We waded out of the water to sprawl in the grass, savouring the thin rays of sun under the the leafy canopy. I rested my head on Dorians' stomach, his fingers fondling absently with my drenched hair. It was so peaceful and quiet, so close to home, still so far. The tress rustled and birds sang along with the steady flow of the river, lulling me into sleep.

I felt the earth beneath me shake and sitting up I blinked, scanning my surroundings. Dorian still lay on the grass, peeking at me curiously with one eye. “What is that?” Her only shrugged at my question, turning away again, obviously not particularly interested in talking. “No seriously. Is that you? Are you doing some crazy magic stuff to freak me out?” My voice grew a little more alert when a second thunder rolled through the earth. “I'm not doing anything, sweet...” Dorians' jaw dropped and I strained to follow his line of sight. What. The. Hell. Three giants had gathered across the river, looking at us and their expression was definitely not loving. “Do we run or play dead now?”, I hissed at my friend. “I don't know.” Was his whispered answer, fixating me from the corner of his eye. One of the giants made a step into the water, ground shaking and water splashing. “Kaffas. Run!” Dorian shouted and set off towards the camp. The giants roared and picked up speed behind us. Luckily they were extremely slow as I saw, throwing quick glances over my shoulder. We sprinted onward until we came to the old ruin. I grabbed Dorians' wrist and pulled him with me, to take the direct way. “Oh no.”, he panted as he saw what I had planned, but it was too late. We were already sliding down the steep hillside, right into camp. “Kaffas. You will be the death of me girl.” Dorian grumbled through grit teeth, while he doubled over to gather himself. I looked at him, my grin turning into a full grown laugh, when I saw his completely ruined attire. Certainly I wasn't looking much better, but at least I hadn't been wearing something in mostly white with light blue highlights. Silly choice for a stay in a forest, especially when you would be lying on the grass, playing in a river and sliding down a muddy slope. “Go and look after your crazy woman, Solas.” Sniggering now himself, he addressed the elf that had stopped dead in his tracks, just staring at us. Both of us watched Solas' reaction closely and erupted in laughter as he just kept blinking at each of us. “Greet the visitors that might soon be knocking at our door for me will you? I'll go and get myself something else to wear.” Quickly Dorian vanished into the depths of the ruin, leaving only me, holding my side from laughing and a still baffled Solas. “Okay short version: we had a good time and some giants stopped by to join the fun?” He quirked an eyebrow at me and a playful smile tugged at his lips. “Good you enjoyed yourself.” I mirrored his grin and closed the distance between us, to sink into his arms. Solas almost leapt backwards as he seized my shoulders and kept me at a distance. “No vhenan. Forgive me, but no.” Carefully he pressed a kiss to my forehead and pushed me towards my tent.

 

Changed into clean and dry clothes again I stepped out of my tent and sauntered back towards the forest, but sobs from inside of Ellanas' tent caused me to falter. I hesitated for long seconds, considering. Taking a deep breath, I lifted the canvas and I could see Ellanas' body slumped and trembling, crouching on her bedroll. I ducked inside, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I should have never let you leave. You should not be witnessing all this.” I pulled her into a quick embrace, whispering to her in a soothing voice. “Nobody should.” Ellana sighed shakily, nervously fidgeting with her hands. “Yes.”, she answered, retreating again. “I'm sorry Etain. I never wanted it to escalate like this. I'd understand if you would hate me.” Flinching, I shook my head. “No I don't, but...” She sighed and tears blurred her sight again as she squeezed my hand. “It's okay.” After a while I broke the silence, that had settled around us like a thick blanket.

“Remember when you had to shave my hair?” Smiling faintly, she wiped her tears away and nodded.” It had been a few years ago in summer. Ellana had made sweets for a festivity and the children adored the candy. Somehow a little boy had actually managed to stumble over his own feet and tossed the sticky whatever-it-was into my hair. He had been so frightened that I would get mad at him. Of course it was gross and I wasn't too happy, but his mortified face had been hilarious. When Ellana saw what mayhem her goodies where capable of, she had grabbed a dagger to fix the mess at once. She had been apologizing the whole evening, while I could only snigger at her guilty conscience. _Your mother used to wear her hair like that when she was young. You look just like her._ A smile tugged at the corner of my lips at the thought, my mothers image appearing in my inner vision. _Don't give up da'vhenan. Not ever._ Her face smiled warmly at me before fading again.

“You know, it was your mothers' recipe. Maybe I should make those candied fruits once we're back in Skyhold?”, Ellana asked me mischievously. “Maybe not.” I chuckled in response. Her face turned severe again after a while and her gaze lingered on me. “Hawke told me, before.... Do you really want to meet Zevran?” I thought for a minute, before I nodded. “Be careful.” I sighed, mirroring her gaze. “I don't even know what to expect to be honest.” Plucking at her fingers Ellana looked away again. “Your mother loved him so much. They didn't meet often, but it made her so happy every time they did. Maybe Deshanna was wrong, but I guess it's too late for this realization now.” Fumbling with a buckle on my sleeve, I averted my eyes. I didn't trust myself to handle this subject reasonable. “Thank you, Ellana. Ehm... I guess Solas and Varric will be finished preparing the food soon. Will you join us?” She turned, beginning to busy herself with tidying her tent, to keep herself from looking at me. “Yes, maybe.” Slowly nodding I stopped to watch her from the entrance. “Come eat with us. The others … _we_ are concerned.” She stilled slightly at my words and I stepped outside. I was such a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> falon : friend  
> kaffas : (tevene) shit  
> da : little  
> vhenan : heart


	23. Flower crowns and elven gods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo I finally made it. I actually finished the next chapter. I'm so sorry it took me so long, but I started working on some other little fic. Hope you're still interested in my little story here, there is still so much to be written.  
> Hope you like this chapter, some fluff, a lot of talking and flower crowns (felt like it was time for that) inc.
> 
> As always translations will be below. Thanks for reading, commenting and the kudos.

We left the old ruins that had held our camp and passed through a seemingly endless sea of rustling greenery. Ancient structures and crumbling statues seamed our way, both Ellana and me gazing in awe upon our heritage. Hawks, wolves and hallas of stone accompanied our travel, their watchful eyes searching the forests for the unknown.“The wolf was once not the incarnation of fear among the dalish. Wolves were once loyal companions, especially to the Emerald Knights.” The Inquisitor eyed Solas intently while he spoke. “Are you talking about the bringer of nightmares or the animal, Solas?” The bald elf considered her question for a moment, fine wrinkles spreading across his forehead. “Either. You only fear the animal for it's association with Fen'harel I believe. Though it seems, not all of you have fallen for these myths.” Both cast a quick side glance at me. Suddenly self conscious, I looked away, fixating a very interesting looking buckle on my pauldrons.

“And when do you think this was the case Solas? Before or after the great betrayal, when the Dreadwolf locked the gods away and left our people with nothing but destruction?” Another pause and I watched his face, as he fought with his self control, hiding his emotions. This conversation was promising to become very awkward very quickly. Even Dorian must have noticed the rising tension, because he stopped bickering about insects and focused on the elves now.

“As far as I have learned from my travels through the fade, it must have been in the time of Arlathan.” Ellana wrinkled her nose in distaste at the thought of the trickster god. Although she had always made a point of tolerating _my_ odd beliefs she of course loathed Fen'harel, just as she was supposed to as future keeper. “I don't really know much about your pantheon, but did you ever consider that locking the gods away might have been the better decision? Look at the Imperium. So many praised almost to godhood would have better been locked away. It would have spared us much blood.” Dorians' thoughtful voice sounded from behind us, surprising the three of us. Three pairs of eyes turned to look at him. “Why would it be better to leave our people alone, our prayers unanswered and our knowledge lost? And the murder of Mythal could only be an act of malice not mercy.” Solas turned away at Ellanas' heavy words. My eyes swept over the landscape, along the many trees and the graves beneath them. “We can not know that and we will probably never learn the truth, but I believe there _was_ a reason. There is always a reason. No creature acts like it does just for the sake of trickery, it wouldn't make sense.” My voice soothed the irritated faces and the building discussion. “Anyway never mind. There is nobody left to listen to our prayers, fighting over the cause will not change this fact.” The hopelessness in Ellanas' voice caught my attention, this was very unlike the woman I had grown up with.

After a few moments the faint sounds of nature were predominated by Dorians' voice. “Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe this chain of coincidences only had one purpose...” I snorted quietly at the thought, I would never have guessed Dorian was a believer in fate or destiny. “And what do you think this purpose would be Dorian?” The Inquisitor turned on her saddle again, eyeing him intently. “You. Us. The Inquisition. If we defeat Corypheus, it will be in your hands to rebuild Thedas, physically and mentally. Think about it, soon you will be one of the most important leaders in all Thedas, if you aren't already. You could be the one rebuilding the elven society, building a new and maybe even greater culture than this Alarath- what was it?”

Ellana sighed turning away from three pairs of eyes lingering on her features. “You're being ridiculous Dorian. Think of Ferelden, especially Orlais. There would be no chance for me to even _try_ and change something. _Not_ with my roots and _not_ on my own.” Solas turned his eyes towards me, as if reading my mind. “Ellana.”, I addressed her quietly. “You're not alone.” She lifted her head, watching the determined faces around her. “The numbers of your followers are continuously increasing and the Inner Circle you have gathered stands loyally by your side. They will gladly follow you even further than they already have. Find strength in _their_ faith if the foundation of _yours_ is crumbling.” Solas soft words were meant to be encouraging, but it was impossible to miss the melancholy swinging with the smooth sound of his voice.

 

We broke through the forest and out into the seemingly endless planes of the Dales and a cool wind reaching out for us. Ellana had stayed quiet for most of the time, probably thinking about her fate as Inquisitor, at least that had been occupying my mind after the conversation.

A herd of halla, obviously alarmed by our presence scattered and vanished behind a hill and the sun already hung low, exhausted from a long day. Ellana stood for a moment, breathing in the scent of the wet grass. “I would stay here if I could.” I hummed with approval, but the Inquisition needed us and we would return to the mountains soon.

Gently I squeezed her arm, before walking towards a wolf of stone that sat watching over a small waterfall. Absent mindedly I plucked some wild flowers as I approached the monument. The view from here was marvellous. It seemed one could overlook the entire Dales just from this spot. The never ending land made me feel so small and irrelevant. Faint blue mountains broke the already reddening horizon and a large river glistened in the setting sun. Fragile tendrils of the wind raked through my hair, rippling the surface of the water.

I found a patch of thick, healthy green and dropped to the ground, fondling the flowers that lay in a small heap beside me. Embraced by the sounds of my surroundings the echoes of battle were pushed away, forcing them deeper into the sea of memories. Playing with the fragile petals I began smiling to myself, giving in to more pleasant memories of a happier time.

“May I?” The gentle voice caught me by surprise and brought me back into the presence. “Forgive me. I did not mean to scare you.” He handed me a bowl of stew and placed himself gracefully into the grass next to me. “It's so quiet here compared to the Emerald Graves and... before. “ Solas nodded in response, lightly caressing the back of my hand. The endless waves rushing through the sea of green in the forest had been deafening compared to the soft whisperings of the plains “How do you feel? Do you require more healing?” I sucked lightly on my lower lip, feeling the almost fully healed cut. My ribs had healed well over the last days and the other bruises weren't even worth talking about. “I'm fine. Ma serannas” Smiling at him I turned back to my stew, and Solas did the same.

When the emptied bowls were set aside, we settled in contempt silence, watching our surroundings growing darker. “There will be more battles to be fought.” I felt his eyes lingering on me, scanning every centimetre of my features. “And we will not shy away.” He pulled me closer, one arm encircling me and lips pressing firmly to my temple.

“What are you doing?”, Solas asked his eyes inquisitively transfixed on the flowers in my hands. I followed his gaze, a slight smile playing along my lips. “A flower crown.” Smirking, the elf cocked an eyebrow at me, painting circles on my back with one hand. “Why are you making a flower crown, emm'asha?” He had scooted closer to me, his chin hovering just above my right shoulder, watching my crafty hands. “For the wolf, vhenan.” Now the mage actually looked baffled, but quickly gathered himself, chuckling sweetly. “Why do you make flower crowns for Fen'harel, emma lath? Do tell me this story.” Running my fingers along the woven pattern of flowers, pictures of young girls giggling and decorating each other with flowers came to my mind. Mumbling a content “good”, I turned and propped my master piece onto Solas' head and for a brief moment, I actually thought he blushed. Smiling coyly he brushed my cheek with the back of his hand, gazing at me expectantly. “Once a year the clan visited a place in the marches called Dareth Hamin.”, I began almost whispering and entwining my fingers with his. “We would always stay there for one or two weeks and celebrate the gods. There was one shrine for each and one, the biggest one, for all of them. Feasts were held and music was played. The people had always been more happy near the gods, never giving up hope that maybe some day someone would answer their prayers.

Children were named in that time, gifts were prepared and left by the statues. Many couples bonded under the watchful eye of their god, or even all of them. Those were the inspiration for the flower crowns. Ellana and I used to make them. The hair of the women were always delicately decorated with flowers for the ceremony. You must understand, they looked so beautiful for young girls, we wanted to be like them. Marrying the perfect man one day, covered with flowers and blushing, while the gods watched and gave us their blessing.” I brushed the bitterness over those naïve dreams aside, trying to hide my blush and Solas began to play with a loose strand of hair, leaning his head against mine. “You never know maybe this dream will come true. Some day. And you would be the most beautiful, if I may say, vhenan.” His sweet words were accompanied by a warm smile, but his tone was grave. Startled and with heated face, I continued my story, not knowing how to handle this situation. “It was the best time of the year. We chose our gods in those weeks and so did I. It was custom to leave gifts for the gods behind, but I never had much and wasn't a craftsman, so I left the flower crowns. I mean every one loves flower crowns right? Maybe even Fen'harel. I'd like to think that it might actually make him happy if he knew. Yes, I know it's silly _and_ childish.” Giggling I let myself fall back into the grass, gazing up to the still faint stars. Smiling fondly, Solas seized my hand and ran his thumb across my knuckles. “No it's not. It's a wonderful gesture. I'm certain he would love it.” Snorting I sat up again. “Oh no serah. You're just saying that because you have to.” Springing to my feet, I snatched the structure of flowers from his head, stomped through the water to climb the wolfs' back. Gently I placed the greenery on it's head, resting my hands at each side for a moment, sending a silent prayer skywards. A warm glow began to surround the petals and I flinched back in sudden fear. Startled I looked at Solas, who seemed to be the reason for the magic and I relaxed again. “I am concealing them.” Slightly relieved and a little crestfallen, I smiled back at him and returned to his side. Solas raised his hand again, still smirking and the flowers began to glow again, but in faint reflections of their natural colours. Magically conjured petals appeared and shimmering vines snaked themselves around the stone body of the wolf, caressing it with soft magical light, like a rainbow snaking its' way around the statue. He raised his hand, palm upwards on display, a swirl of glittering white forming there and slowly, ever so slowly a flower I had never seen before began to form and bloom. It shone brightly like a swirl of stars, like the universe had gathered in the palm of the elf. I let my fingers touch the glowing petals, feeling the soft hum of magic surrounding it and softly responding to the ring around my finger. Solas cupped my hand with his and let the silken magic glide into it, turning my fingers milky white. My jaw had dropped in awe at some point and the mage chuckled fondly at my expression. Slowly, even slower as it had formed it began dissolving, the magical flower flowing away at the seams and ran through my fingers like water. The wind picked up the remains of the liquid stars and they vanished into the dusk. “In the times of Arlathan you would not have been so awed by this. Young girls would have used this trick weaving flower crowns just like you. The magic was as natural as breathing.” Smiling he kissed my forehead and I hummed in content. “I would love to see that one day. I wish I could conjure magical flowers myself or wander the fade like you.” Sighing the mage looked at me, thinking for a moment. “Maybe we could try that one day, in a place where the veil is thin. I believe everybody except maybe the durgen'len have access to at least a certain amount of magic. Maybe I could actually teach you something as easy as conjuring flowers.” My eyes grew wide in excitement. “Really?” He chuckled at my enthusiasm, pulling me into his arms. Cupping my jaw with his other hand he pulled me even closer, eyes locking with mine, sending shock waves of electricity through my body.  His gaze dropped to my lips and he closed a little more space between us. His hot breath ghosted over my face, while he watched me, waiting. I could almost feel his lips, taste his flesh. My heart was racing in maddening speed, and a shiver ran down my spine when he stroked his thumb across my cheek. Solas' lips parted slightly, but he froze. A breathless scream was tearing through the chilled air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vhenan: heart  
> dareth: be safe  
> hamin: rest  
> emma lath: my love  
> durghen'len: children of the stone


	24. To the Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is more of a filler chapter, it will get more interesting again though soon.  
> I mean Halamshiral is coming up guys, which a tough one to write though, but I'll do my best. 
> 
> And for all those who have been waiting for this to be continued, I'm sorry it took so long (Trespasser did this to me) and I have plenty of ideas for this story. So let’s get to work shall we?

Another scream tore through the night and I sprang to my feet, rushing back to the camp, Solas right behind me. Another sound, like a howl two short one long, somebody was being attacked. It had to be a dalish, this was one of the signs we had been learning and using from young age on. Adrenalin chased the blood through my veins as I jogged back to camp. I snatched my weapons from the fastenings on the horses’ saddle, the others also gearing up as fast as they could. Ellana was already in battle mode, shouting orders through the camp.

“We need to help them. Solas, Dorian and you two come with. The rest: stay here” The mages picked up their staffs and we trekked in the direction of the screams. Two other scouts Ellana had picked with a quick gesture, right behind us.

A ball of green came to view as we circled a large rock. The rift was glowing and pulsating ahead of us, tainting the area in a colour we had all begun to loathe. “Demons.”, Ellana growled as her mark sprang to life and her staff began sizzling with lightning. Purple mist spun around Dorian who was already focusing his magic for the fight. I perched myself on top of a nearby rock to overview the scenery. Two dalish were fighting the horrors that came crawling from the rift, a third was lying to their feet, a dark spot spreading on his leg. 

The demons snarled vehemently, snapping at the arrows and magical missiles aimed at them. With an angry outcry Ellana summoned her spirit blade and began to swing it at the creatures. I pierced ones’ shoulder, distracting it long enough for Ellana to split its' torso in half. The beast crumpled to the floor, lifeless One down.

A growl came from the other dalish' and quickly I turned towards the desperate sound. The demon was almost overwhelming him. A quick glance to Solas told me he was conjuring something. His spell hit forcefully and the creature froze, covered in a thin coat of ice. I knocked my arrow and pulled back vigorously. The dalish quickly gained distance, giving me a clear line of fire now. The metal tip glowed red, the strained string almost begging to be released. A quick glance in Ellanas' direction, she understood. I fired, the arrow whistling through the air, the bowstring singing contently. With a fierce cry Ellana swiftly turned and kicked with all her might, hitting the third demon square in the chest. It stumbled backwards into its’ frozen brother and was enveloped in a bright explosion when the arrow hit. Nothing but green glowing ashes and their echoing screeches was left. Three down.

The scouts and dalish alike gasped as enormous arms reached through the rift, pulling its' massive body into our world. Pride demon, I sneered, already spiking its' limbs with arrows. Ellanas' mark responded to the rift when she raised her hand, conjuring a ball of green above the creatures’ head and slowing its' movements to an extreme. Purple wisps shot like bullets towards the demon and flames sprang to life at its' feet, licking angrily at the thick hide. With a roar one of the hunters jumped towards the beast just when … oh no … Ellanas' spell had lost its' effect, the creatures speed and reflexes returning in full speed. The demon lifted its' massive arm and tossed it towards the elf. Solas must have also seen it coming. A shimmering barrier sprang to life over the hunter like a second skin. Still the blow of the demon hit him with a brute force and sent him flying across the ground. I rushed over to the woman dropping a satchel filled with potions onto her lap. “Give him one and go and find your friend afterwards.” Still sobbing, she nodded and obeyed and the injured hunter downed the healing liquid quickly. “Go!” She scrambled away and vanished in the darkness. “Better?”, I asked, still fixated on peppering the demon with arrows. A small grunt came as response. Good that meant he was still awake, good sign. “Your not from the clan.” I could hardly hear his moan over the noise coming from the demons. “No.” Another arrow buried itself deep into the demons flesh, it should be over soon. Blighted creature. An ice spell hit its' torso hard and almost at the same time a fireball exploded across its' abdomen. The beast grunted and the ground shook as it sagged to its' knees and face forward into the dirt. Finally. A stream of green linked Ellanas' hand to the rift, both pulsating and shifting at the connection. With a loud thud the rift was closed and the wind carried away the remnants of the fallen atrocities. It almost looked beautiful, like the sparkling magic Solas had been conjuring before.

Solas had already dropped to the ground next to the two other dalish, while I turned to the wounded elf at my side, inspecting his wounds. “Andaran atish'an, I am Etain. Is it only your leg?” I spoke quietly, trying my best to mimic Solas when he tended and soothed the wounded and traumatised. The man nodded, clinging to the bloodied leather that stuck to his thigh. “I'm Thehon. Ma serannas.” Not waiting for his permission I pulled his hands away to inspect the wound. It was deep, probably painful, but not fatal. At least not any more. “Where is your clan Thehon?” Another moan escaped his lips and Ellana answered for him. “North-west from here. Not far. Can he walk?” We both glanced at him expectant for an answer. He flexed his leg hesitantly, his face pulled into a pained sneer. I looked up Ellana who tossed a healing potion towards me, which I uncorked momentarily and poured the contents into his already open mouth. “Now you can.” I anounced and got to my feet to help him stand. Ellana gave us an exhausted smile before turning to one of the scouts, who immediately ran back into the direction of our camp. Solas and Dorian joined us, both carrying the second hunter and the woman following them nervously. The camp wasn't very far and a few clansmen rushed to aid us. “Andaran atishan. What happened?” The keeper asked over the bustle around him, already scanning the wounds of his people. “A rift opened and surprised your people.” The keeper stared at Ellana, his eyes growing wide. “Demons? Thank the creators you where near dahlen.” He squeezed her hands happily. “Please, come to the fire with us.”

The keeper did his best to be hospitable, sharing some of the food with our group, but the rest of his clan did nothing to hide their weariness in front of their human guests and unsurprisingly Solas’ and my unmarked face were clearly not approved of. It was such a familiar sight that it almost made me sick. No matter where or what one did a dalish would always be a dalish and an elf without Vallaslin would always be frowned upon. This was an unwritten rule, it had been back with clan Lavellan and it was now with this one. Soon I returned to our own campsite seeking solitude and staring bitterly into the night sky until I was overcome by sleep.


	25. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So introducing some new people, following a headcanon there I've had for quite a while now, we'll see how it works out I guess.
> 
> The smut will be marked with ~V~ at the beginning and at the end so you can just skip if you wish to do so. Enjoy :)

“Come on, let’s go to the tavern.” A tanned hand reached out and cast a shadow over my face as I was lounging in the grass of Skyholds garden. Seizing it, Dorian pulled me to my feet, smiling cautiously. “You were awfully quiet the last days my dear. Let’s get something to drink.” I shrugged, but followed obediently. Dorian wouldn’t take a no for an answer anyway. “Fine. You’re buying the first round.” The tevene chuckled, nodding. “Not that you’d ever actually had to pay _anything_ in there.”

We found ourselves a nice and quiet spot on the first floor and gave up our order. “That clan was just too much like our own clan.” I responded, referring to his previous statement. “I just needed some alone time.” Dorian nodded knowingly. “I understand that. I really do.” He squeezed my hand in a way of comfort and we sat in silence until our ale came. We clinked our tankards and let the ale wash away the bitter thoughts. “We’ll soon be leaving to the Winterpalace.” I nodded awkwardly. “Yeah. Doesn’t feel like the time for festivities, does it?” Dorian gave a sarcastic bark of a laugh in response. “Well if you look at in that way, I guess it never feels like the time for an event like that. Though I must admit, that I may be a little excited.” I raised my eyebrows, giving the man a doubtful sideways glance. “And that is seriously the understatement of the century. We’ve been back for a week and every time I see you, you’re discussing the wardrobe with Josephine or our means of travel with Leliana or …” Dorian made a dismissive hand gesture. “Yes, yes I know,” he murmured. “But firstly those are highly important questions. Those things can decide over your rise or fall within society and secondly occupying your mind with allegedly insignificant tasks can do wonders to a strained psyche. You might want to try it out, instead of lying in the sun replaying every scenario and blaming yourself for every fault you may or may not have made.” I opened my mouth to interject, but he held up a finger to silence me. “No don’t deny it. I’ve seen you and I’ve seen the Inquisitor do the same. You both are so alike. Even Solas does it, I _think_. I don’t have a clue what’s happening inside of his shiny bald head, but I have seen him more than once with the exact expression as you two pretties.” I cast my gaze down to the table where my hands were lying and studied my cracked nails. There was no point in denying it, Dorian and I both knew he was right. I looked up expecting a frown, but his eyes glittered with mischief. “Yes fine, I’m excited. It’s going to be a nice change of pace.” Huffing in response I shook my head. “For you maybe. I bet it’s just going to be awkward.” Dorian rolled his eyes theatrically. “You’re going to be just _fine_. You did well in our etiquette sessions and your entourage will do the rest. Just stick with him, he knows exactly what he’s doing.” Shrugging I frowned at him. Ignored emotions threatened to lace up my vocal cords and I swallowed hard, before addressing Dorian in a low voice. “How is Jean? Is he well enough to travel so soon?” His mustache twitched and his face lit up in a fond smile.

I followed his gaze towards the stairs where mentioned man was smiling and gingerly waving at us. “Why don’t you ask him yourself, sweetheart?” I watched Jean approach. He was looking rather well, though his movements were still slightly off. He was lacking his characteristic ease and instead looked tense, worn out and worryingly pale. But at least he was alive. I forced the surfacing memories back down and smiled at Jean who had arrived at our table, pressing a kiss to Dorians cheek and one to my forehead before sitting down. “Good to see you up. How are you feeling Jean?” He smiled and shrugged,  nipping from Dorians’ ale. “Better but still not great.  Feels like I haven’t been training in ages.  But I guess I’m happy to be alive,” He announced with a smirk lacing his voice and softly added: “Thanks to you…”I focused back onto the dark wooden surface beneath my hands. When I looked back up both men were gazing kindly at me. Blinking a few times I mirrored their smiles,  warm affection growing in my chest. “Any time Jean.” The man ordered the next round of ale then and just as it arrived the door of the tavern was flung open.

“Ah home at last.  Where’s the ale and where are the girls?”  The Iron Bull was standing in the doorway, an icy wind whipping around him into the dimly lit area. His eye scanned the room,  searching for familiar faces, stopping when he caught sight of us. “Ah there they are.” The massive man exclaimed,  clapping Krem on the shoulder and winking at Dorian as he stomped heavily up the stairs. “Ladies. Jean. Healing well I take it?” He greeted us cheerfully and let himself drop heavily onto the chair next to me. Jean nodded while the three of us welcomed Bull in unison.  “When did you return? “ I inquired turning towards the Qunari.  He chugged almost the entire contents of my tankard and slammed it back onto the table before answering.  “Just now actually. Way back was a bitch,  lost a whole day ‘cause of that blighted storm.” He took another gulp from the ale, watching my face carefully as a worried frown crept its way across my features.  “Don’t worry bunny.  We only lost time,  no men. Well maybe some toes here and there…. “ He trailed off and Dorian made a slightly disgusted noise.  

The chargers had taken a detour to take care of some business, that was the reason for their late return to Skyhold. Solas had at some point stayed behind to investigate an old ruin in the Exalted Plains and later met up with them. That meant if the chargers were back,  Solas was as well. The Iron Bull perfect as always at reading minds,  however he did it,  answered before I could even articulate the question.  “He’s in his rotunda.  You should go see him, though he seemed a little more grumpy than usual.” I cocked an eyebrow and grinned at the Bull and emptied the ale, that had originally belonged to me before the Qunari had claimed it. “I think I have somewhere to be then, if you would excuse me gentlemen.” The men exchanged knowing glances that raised a slight heat to my face. “Stop that you perverts.“ Bull raised his hands in surrender and Dorian only burst into a fit of laughter.

When I stepped outside a relentless wind greeted me, covering me with snow within seconds.  The way from the tavern to the great hall wasn't far but long enough to leave me chilled to the bone and drenched in already melting snow when the massive door of the hall fell shut behind me. The door to the rotunda was open so I crept in silently in a sudden mischievous mood, spying Solas as he stood in front of a sketch on the wall. As quietly and swiftly I could I snuck up and jumped him from behind.  He obviously wasn't surprised,  he hooked his arms underneath my shins which were now perched somewhere around his middle and made a disapproving sound. “Tsk tsk vhenan.  I’m sure you can do better.  I heard you cussing all the way from outside.“ The mage kissed my nose over his shoulder before I slipped off his back. “Challenge accepted,” I mumbled, nonchalantly grazing my knuckles across his firm backside as I turned to have a look at the things stacked on his table.  Books,  more books,  a rune stone and books,  nothing too exciting,  what really caught my attention was a richly filled platter of food. I hadn’t eaten yet and was ravenous.  Taking a handful of fruit and a slice of bread smothered in melted cheese,  I stepped next to Solas,  also scanning the wall. I couldn't help but swoon internally, as I took a bite of the fresh, soft bread,  enveloped by the rich warm cheese.  I opened my eyes again and had to force myself not to take a step back from Solas smoldering gaze. I felt a tinge of pink spread across my cheeks as I looked back at the food. “And there I believed it as a result of my skills summoning this expression.  Little did I know a piece of heated milk product would have also done the trick.” I almost choked at his words and still chewing, I opted for a soft thump to his elbow,  but held up the bread for him to try. “You’ve never actually seen yourself eating cake, have you?” Solas chuckled and held up his hands, shrugging.  “You might have a point. “ I fed him a grape, while he softly caressed my cheek and slid a loose strand of hair behind my ear.  “You’re soaking wet. You should change into something dry, vhenan.“ Humming in agreement, I chewed on the last piece of bread while I searched around the room. Finding what I had been looking for I started peeling off layer after layer I was wearing.  The soaked fur cloak flopped to the ground,  then the leather coat underneath.  The buckles clinked merrily as I undid my belt.  The leather cuirass thumped loudly onto the table and the boots and breeches crumpled at my feet.  I swapped my tunic with one of Solas’, which he had conveniently enough left lying on his couch.  It was of course far too large, I willowed the sleeves up to my elbows and fixated the waist with a spare belt,  but when I got to buttoning up the way too deep neckline,  lithe arms snaked around my shoulders,  pulling my hands away. “We wouldn't want to hide that now would we.” Solas voice was low and sultry as he pressed himself against my back. It seemed he had watched and enjoyed the show.  His skilled fingers traced in circles across my torso and his lips trailed a fiery line of goosebumps along the side of my neck. I reached up to caress his face and tilted my head to grant him better access.  It was both magnificent and frightening how fast this elf could unravel me at the seams.  “Hmmm so compliant,  so willing. You missed me, didn’t you?” His voice was a low purr against my jaw bone, stoking a fire within me. I hungered for something other than food and was determined to be sated.  

A distinct gasp pulled us back into the present, three smirking men standing in the open doorway.  “Andrastes flaming arse, get yourself a room kids. “ Dorian was fanning himself as if he was about to faint,  Jean  steadying him by the elbow,  wiggling his brows suggestively and Varric craned his neck with the most intrigued expression.  “Get a life you creeps,” I shot back, sticking out my tongue at Dorian, earning hearty chuckles from the trio and even Solas,  who had tensed up immediately at the intrusion. Still grinning the two men steered straight to the stairs,  leaving the dwarf behind. Solas gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and whispered,  “Go to bed. There is something I need to discuss with Master Tethras.  I’ll be with you shortly.” Stifling a yawn as if on cue,  I nodded, kissed him and wished both men a good night.  I padded up the cold and dark stairs and through the corridors.

I entered Solas’ room and still wearing his tunic I tossed the belt, making myself comfortable in his bed. Trying to stay awake and failing I jolted upright at the sound of the door being pushed open. “Fenedhis… “ I hissed shielding my eyes from the light seeping in from the torches outside.  Solas quickly slipped inside shutting the door and joined me in bed pulling me close to his now bare chest.

 

**~V~**

 

Turning halfway I craned my neck, seeking the warmth of his lips. “I am not done with you yet.” His nose rubbed along my ear as he drawled the words, the hot breath sending shivers down my spine.  His lips enveloped mine in another molten kiss, sending sparks to my core and trailing feathery kisses along my jaw. He began moving downwards along my neck and collarbone,  his hands softly kneading my breasts,  playing with my hardened nipples through the woolen tunic.  He took more time with my abdomen, trailing down the middle and nipping and licking at the skin every now and then, slowly ripping through the fabric as he went. Heat was pooling between my thighs and I was already beginning to shiver in anticipation,  my flush skin hyper aware of any sort of touch and covered in goosebumps. It was a sweet relief when his tongue finally found my needy core for the first time, but soon replaced by even more want. He paused and kissed everywhere except where I craved his touch the most, it felt like a lifetime of needy whimpers until he finally complied and fully indulged. Solas hands traveled south across my pert abdomen,  caressing the insides of my thighs before one found its way to my opening.  His fingertips traced along the outlines,  dipping inside every once in awhile,  his tongue working me ever closer to my climax.  He sucked at my bud briefly and slipped a long finger inside,  searching for my sweet spot.  It didn't take him long and I began to quiver. The tension and the ever growing need of him to finally fill me almost became painful as his skillful tongue pushed me over the edge.  I screamed his name in bliss,  writhing as I basked in the subsiding waves of ecstasy, his touch too much but not enough at the same time.  He held me firmly by the hips, never faltering in his sweet torture until I had come down from the high. When I did he was upon me in an instant, swallowing my weak moans with fiery kisses.  I jerked my hips involuntarily and not needing another invitation,  he sheathed himself to the hilt .Solas groaned loudly when he entered me,  starting slow with his rhythm. Quickly so so close to  sweet salvation I moaned loudly into his shoulder as he set a moderate pace,  pushing me closer to the edge.  I could feel myself building up  until my climax came crashing over me, blinding and deafening for a brief moment.  Solas slowed his pace, letting me ride out the subsiding waves of bliss, his lips tracing the exposed skin of my breast and teeth scraping across my erect nipples.  His breath was shallow and desperate,  his moves erratic,  but he forced himself to an even slower pace until almost stopping entirely. The friction was bliss and I clawed at his back,  the knot in my stomach building up again .  I could feel myself clenching around him, the amplified friction causing Solas to moan and gasp.  I came once more trembling and gushing **,** so intense it was almost unbearable.  He twitched inside me and slowed the pace,  before flipping me onto my stomach in one fluid movement. Pulling me up by the hips he aligned his manhood with my entrance and pounded into me. There was no holding back now,  no more restraints.  He was taking me hard and fast,  plunging deep like an animal.  His hard thrusts and guttural growls did not fail to have effect and it wasn't long until I was beginning to climb to the peak once more. His hands clung desperately to my body, roaming mercilessly and forcing moans from my throat.  Solas hand found its way back to my strained core, playing me like an instrument exquisitely to his relentless rhythm. Our breaths became ragged and I could feel him coming closer to climax just like me. Each time he pulled out almost entirely only to sheath himself forcefully again and hitting my sweet spot perfectly with such force that the pleasure almost drove me insane.  He rasped my name and pushed inside one last time and with a last skilled flick at my bud we both came at the same time.  

 

**~V~**

 

Exhausted, I draped myself across his chest, head resting on Solas still racing heart, already drifting off into blissful sleep. I felt Solas press a soft kiss to the top of my head, his warm breath dancing across my skin. “I missed you.”

I woke, my slumber disturbed by his attempt to escape from our entangled limbs. Not yet willing to give up my exquisite pillow I tightened my embrace around with a faintly displeased grumble. Solas chuckled softly and kissed my forehead,  leaving only a fading imprint of his warmth.  He woke me a second time, this time on purpose, soft fingers trailing small patterns across my cheek. “Breakfast is on the table and I prepared a bath for you. “ I smiled contently, stretching my sleepy limbs. “The refugees have not yet arrived, but I presume it will not be long until they do.” Solas added quietly, before slipping out of the room. My eyes snapped open. We had been informed of a group of refugees a couple of days ago heading towards Skyhold, today was the day they would be arriving and refugees always meant new recruits. My duty as new Captain of the archers was now to help Cullen sort and train them.  I got myself ready, taking my time to soak in the hot bath, the anxiety ever present in the back of my mind of the awaiting task. Fully dressed in my fur lined leather armor and all armed I left Solas room and headed to the yard. The entire fortress seemed to be up already, the last preparations for the newcomers underway. Krem crossed my way, arms stacked with food and a sack of apples dangling from his shoulder. Greeting him with a cheerful “Morning” I snagged an apple, earning a hearty chuckle from him. I spotted Ellana and Solas having an animated discussion and decided the wall next to them deemed a good vantage point to ogle at the new recruits. I greeted my friend and pecked a quick on Solas cheek before settling down on the wall, legs dangling to the side of the lower yard. It seemed I had quite the timing, as the guards on either side of the gate stood alert and another yelled “Incoming”. It seemed the entire fortress held its’ breath for a moment, before everybody carried on in double speed. The entire energy surrounding me seemed to shift and it was magnificent to observe.

Then the group of refugees passed through the gate. Chewing on my apple,  I listened to Solas and Ellana chatting about a ruin they had found on their last mission. I scanned the flock of people, maybe about 20 people, only three of them women.  Almost all of them looked like the average town folk,  some elves were scattered among them, but none looked like soldiers so far. My heart sank,  thinking of the coming weeks trying to teach a spice merchant how to shoot an arrow straight,  or a vintner to wield a dagger.  I sighed and pulled a leg up to my chest. Solas looked up, placing a reassuring hand over my free one, as if sensing my worries.  The crowd was soon dissipating,  Josephine working her magic at supervising everything,  when a small group of what looked like mercenaries came through the gate.  They actually looked promising,  they had fairly good armor,  their own weapons, over all  not too bad.  It was a group of 6, at the front a gruesome looking guy with only one hand, the stump of the other covered by a strange contraption. Following him came an elf, tanned skin,  blond hair,  I couldn't see his face for it was turned to another sellsword, a tall muscular guy, a scruffy beard covering his chiseled face and undercut dark blond hair,  combed back as if he had actually put effort in it. A long scar split part of his face,  though it did not disturb the fact that he was extraordinarily handsome for one of those hairy unwashed shemlen. Sensing my lingering stare he looked upward, locking onto my gaze with piercing blue eyes. Averting my eyes, I watched the rest of the group enter the yard, one was missing an eye, another one so tall and thin one might have confused him with a stick and the last looked so old and wrinkly it seemed a miracle that he’d even make it all the way up into the mountains.

Cullen joined Josephine, both busy making arrangements and Cullen already filtering the people in recruitable and not. I watched him having a quick chat - no - _argument_ with the onehanded man, his face growing stiff and his movements more and more rigid. When he turned away, the commander caught my eye and made a bee line towards me. “Most of them are merchants or farmers and have never used a weapon. Some of the mercenaries are former pirates apparently, so we need to be wary around them. They seem like an awful lot of trouble if you ask me. That one, Kenrick, was their captain, it would be an understatement to call him unpleasant.” I nodded, stretching myself, my muscles growing more and more tense from the cold wind. “Understood. What exactly do you plan on doing with them? I’m guessing they won’t be training with us?” Cullen sighed, his gaze wandering back to the group we were discussing. “Just ignore them, as long as they don’t harm anyone.” I nodded once more, also stealing another glance towards the men who were standing together now, absorbed in yet another argument, only one of them looking up and holding my gaze.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys so this is my first little attempt to write fanfiction, hope it isn't too bad. Leave comments and tell me if you find mistakes so I can take care of them. Love y'all have fun.  
> 


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